Bipolars, We Don't Always Take Our Medication

Us bipolars don't always take our medications. This is, perhaps, the most frustrating quality about us. Those who love us, and those who try to fix us, just can't stand it. If we know that we will be "better" if we take our meds, then why don't we just take them? Easy Answer-because a medicated life is boring for us bipolars, and we are addicted to the highs and sometimes even the lows. Bipolar medications are not fun to take, the side effects are a huge drag, and when we start taking medications we don't know who we are anymore.

That said, I take Lamictal daily for my bipolar. Without Lamictal, I would not be able to function on most days. Had I not accepted my fate as the ultimate psychiatric guinea pig, I would be worse off. Bipolar drugs tend to make you gain weight, make you feel exhausted, and take the joy out of your life, until you find one that works. For me, my match was Lamictal. For you, it will probably be something else.

Before I started taking medication for my Bipolar, I was an avid writer and poet. You will learn that our most famous artists had one mental illness or another. As soon as I started taking my medication, I lost my ability to write. I also lost my sex drive, gained 40 pounds, and slept all the time. I could accept everything else, but not the loss of my creative spirit. So, I skipped a pill here and there. Then went off my medications for a week or two. This pattern of medication non-compliance lasted for years. Even with my "match", Lamictal, I still can't say that I am 100 percent compliant. I need to be.

I have many memories of my former self. Most bad, but many good. Sometimes I will come across a picture of my former self, smiling so brightly, and miss that girl so badly. Still, there are other images, mostly in my mind, where life was not so good.

I relate closely with the addict, or the alcoholic that thinks he can have "just one". I understand. The addicts have a twelve step program, and maybe we need one too. In fact, I went to several AA meetings, just to understand addiction. Most helpful is the AA step to take an honest and thorough Moral Inventory of yourself. The most difficult, is to begin to make amends.

So yes, it will be difficult at first. You will have to reinvent yourself. In the end, you will be a successful bipolar, and will learn to live a happy and fullfilling life. Don't give up; keep working with your doctor, your friends, and your family.