"There's another me behind this public mask." - Stephen Fry
"I always have voices in my head saying what a useless bastard I am." - Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry - The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive
Monday, July 25, 2011
Bipolar, I Usually Just Pretend To Be Normal
I spend most of my time just trying to be normal. I find other ways to describe my illness. To friends and aquantances I might admit, "I get a little bit of depression from time to time," but I'd never say "I'm full on Bipolar." When filling out medical forms, I either check the box "Depression" or, if I need to request a medication to treat bipolar, I might write "Mood Disorder," but never Bipolar.
I simpily haven't had good results when admitting I'm bipolar.
Readers of this blog, My Friends, you may only know me as Amy; but I share with you, and only you, my bipolar.
It's easier to just make up better excuses for my behavior. I stay up late because I'm taking a class and I'm loaded with homework. I sleep late because I've just never been a morning person. I can't focus because I've just been worrying so much about my dad's health. The laundry's not done because I've just been so busy. And so on. It's good to have a lot of projects your appear to be working on, and a lot of books you appear to be reading laying around. It's all about appearances. People are much more accepting of unexplained oddness than they are of bipolar. When faced with bipolar, people think, oh no, will she shave her head like Britney Spears, unravel then overdose like Amy Winehouse, or end her life like Kurt Cobain?
I have been trying to be more social in times when I am well. I invite myself over to visit friends. I plan last minute parties and invite old friends and new aquantences. I try to stay just social enough to look normal and sometimes it even helps me feel normal too. Also when I make efforts to be social during these times, I find that people are more tolerant of me when I sink into my quiet, sad, withdrawn states.
If it werent' for my husband, I probably wouldn't try as hard. I sometimes notice that my husband spends so much time and effort trying to make sure I'm ok, that he neglects his own needs. I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it. He mentioned to me the other day that he doesn't have as many friends as he used to and he misses that. I'd like to have more friends too. It's something we both plan to make an effort towards, together.
If you do openly discuss your bippolar, especially with casual friends or coworkers, I think the worst thing you can do is share your bipolar in a completly negative light. People will tire of that quickly. If you decide to talk about bipoplar, people might be intrigued but they certainly won't want to hear sad, and especially long and sad stories. I think we need to save those talks for people who love us the most. We can also do what people have been doing for thousands of years and pour our emotions into work or art.
I simpily haven't had good results when admitting I'm bipolar.
Readers of this blog, My Friends, you may only know me as Amy; but I share with you, and only you, my bipolar.
It's easier to just make up better excuses for my behavior. I stay up late because I'm taking a class and I'm loaded with homework. I sleep late because I've just never been a morning person. I can't focus because I've just been worrying so much about my dad's health. The laundry's not done because I've just been so busy. And so on. It's good to have a lot of projects your appear to be working on, and a lot of books you appear to be reading laying around. It's all about appearances. People are much more accepting of unexplained oddness than they are of bipolar. When faced with bipolar, people think, oh no, will she shave her head like Britney Spears, unravel then overdose like Amy Winehouse, or end her life like Kurt Cobain?
I have been trying to be more social in times when I am well. I invite myself over to visit friends. I plan last minute parties and invite old friends and new aquantences. I try to stay just social enough to look normal and sometimes it even helps me feel normal too. Also when I make efforts to be social during these times, I find that people are more tolerant of me when I sink into my quiet, sad, withdrawn states.
If it werent' for my husband, I probably wouldn't try as hard. I sometimes notice that my husband spends so much time and effort trying to make sure I'm ok, that he neglects his own needs. I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it. He mentioned to me the other day that he doesn't have as many friends as he used to and he misses that. I'd like to have more friends too. It's something we both plan to make an effort towards, together.
If you do openly discuss your bippolar, especially with casual friends or coworkers, I think the worst thing you can do is share your bipolar in a completly negative light. People will tire of that quickly. If you decide to talk about bipoplar, people might be intrigued but they certainly won't want to hear sad, and especially long and sad stories. I think we need to save those talks for people who love us the most. We can also do what people have been doing for thousands of years and pour our emotions into work or art.
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