You can't look at me and tell that I have bipolar disorder. I look just like everyone else. I take the time to fix my hair, clothes, and makeup before I leave the house (If I can't I just don't leave the house). I smile at everyone I meet. I try to make sure that everyone I run into has just a little bit better day than they would have had without me, or at least that their day is not worse because of me. For the most part, I pull that off.
That's probably the reason it took so long before I got treatment for bipolar disorder. I started complaining to doctors that I felt depressed in my teen years, describing my symptoms with a smile on my face, but it wasn't until I begged for help at the age of 25 that I got help. Even after that, it took years before I was on the path to the right treatment. I was misdiagnosed with depression, and given antidepressants which made me feel wonderful until they fizzed out and I spiraled into the worst breakdown of my life. I'm so good at looking like everything is ok that when I say I'm not ok, I'm often not heard.
I have learned how to put on this public mask in order to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible. It's so automatic to pretend that everything is ok, that I think my mask is more believable than the layers underneath. When it comes to love, family, work, and just plain living life, this works beautifully, but when it's time for treatment, it's an issue. I believe that doctors delay treatment or undertreat because they simply do not believe me.
Is this an issue for anyone else? I'd love to hear your stories.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Bipolar and Stigma
I was thinking today about how absolutely uneducated people are about bipolar disorder. The general thinking seems to be that all bipolar people are off their rocker, evil, batshit crazy, AND they are like that all the time. Honestly people, we all have our off days, but those of us with bipolar disorder are not that much different than everybody else. You don't have to be afraid.
It's no wonder that when newly diagnosed with bipolar, a person will either deny it is true or accept it as a death sentence. It is no wonder that people go on for years without treatment, or even worse are fed antidepressants, because their primary doctor doesn't think they are bad enough to be labeled as bipolar and delays referring them to a Psychiatrist. You don't have to be afraid of bipolar. What is scary though is the stigma attached to it.
When in a depressed state, us "Bipolars" are usually no bother because we are curled up in bed hoping the depression will pass or searching on the internet for a new cure. When manic, we are actually pretty fun- out spending money, traveling, coming up with new business ventures (my best work is created while hypomanic). The mixed states are not pleasant, we get a little bitchy and impulsive. I don't have to tell you this though, this is what you already know about bipolar. What you probably don't know though is that 95 percent of the time, as long as we are following our treatment plan, we are "normal"?
Many successful business people struggle with bipolar disorder, but when you picture "bipolar" you don't picture a successful person. You picture somebody who looks crazy. You don't know the successful bipolar people because they don't want to be known by their mental illness. They want to be known by who they are and by what they accomplish. The only bipolar people you THINK you know are the ones that end up on the news because they left the home today wearing nothing but their tennis shoes and decided to stomp on some guy's car windshield or committed some similar crime. Am I right?
We all have a long way to go in reducing and stamping out stigma. Don't let the media, the internet, your friends, or anybody else scare you. Bipolar is not that scary. You can still be successful.
It's no wonder that when newly diagnosed with bipolar, a person will either deny it is true or accept it as a death sentence. It is no wonder that people go on for years without treatment, or even worse are fed antidepressants, because their primary doctor doesn't think they are bad enough to be labeled as bipolar and delays referring them to a Psychiatrist. You don't have to be afraid of bipolar. What is scary though is the stigma attached to it.
When in a depressed state, us "Bipolars" are usually no bother because we are curled up in bed hoping the depression will pass or searching on the internet for a new cure. When manic, we are actually pretty fun- out spending money, traveling, coming up with new business ventures (my best work is created while hypomanic). The mixed states are not pleasant, we get a little bitchy and impulsive. I don't have to tell you this though, this is what you already know about bipolar. What you probably don't know though is that 95 percent of the time, as long as we are following our treatment plan, we are "normal"?
Many successful business people struggle with bipolar disorder, but when you picture "bipolar" you don't picture a successful person. You picture somebody who looks crazy. You don't know the successful bipolar people because they don't want to be known by their mental illness. They want to be known by who they are and by what they accomplish. The only bipolar people you THINK you know are the ones that end up on the news because they left the home today wearing nothing but their tennis shoes and decided to stomp on some guy's car windshield or committed some similar crime. Am I right?
We all have a long way to go in reducing and stamping out stigma. Don't let the media, the internet, your friends, or anybody else scare you. Bipolar is not that scary. You can still be successful.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Bipolar, to have or not to have children...
To have or not to have children when you are bipolar, that is the question. I get the most amazing and thoughtful comments on this blog, and here is one that really hit home, since my own biological clock is at the buzzer. My reader wrote, "My boyfriend is bipolar. He thinks the stress of children will be too much for him and that he won't be a very good parent. I just wish there were bipolar parents he could speak to. I know he would be an amazing father, and it saddens me that we may not have the family we dreamed of." Considering how much this reader wants children, I hope they really consider it. People who want children make super parents.
I don't have any children, and I worry that someday I will regret that. For me, It's just as much a personality issue as it is a bipolar issue. I'm not as interested in children as I "should" be. I don't have that maternal instinct that I "should" have. I always thought I would outgrow that, but I never really have.
My experience leads me to believe that people with bipolar can be the very best or the very worst of parents. When the children are wanted, and the support system is strong, people with bipolar are often the most amazing parents. It's when the children were never really wanted, and/or the bipolar parent doesn't have the tools (support system, medications, desire) to cope, that parenting can turn into a disaster.
My grandfather was almost certainly bipolar, and he made some mistakes that left deep scars on his children. He was raising his ten children in the 50's and 60's and the medications and treatments that are available today were not available to him. He self medicated with alcohol, probably the worst way he could treat his bipolar. That said, most of his children are happy and doing very well today. About half struggle with bipolar or depression or varying seriousness, but most are doing well. He probably could have been a great father, but he was not. I blame alcohol, not bipolar.
There are some risks for people with bipolar when having children.. The most significant that comes to mind is the risk of passing bipolar on to offspring, which may or may not be a terrible thing- it depends on how you look at it. The other is the risk of a serious manic or depressive episode if the mother has to adjust medications while pregnant.
So, to have or not to have children when bipolar? I think if you want children you should most certainly have them. If you are worried about the
chance of passing on bipolar to your child, you can adopt. If you take care of yourself and have a strong support system, the odds are with you to be the most amazing parent. Don't rule out children just because you are bipolar. They just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
I don't have any children, and I worry that someday I will regret that. For me, It's just as much a personality issue as it is a bipolar issue. I'm not as interested in children as I "should" be. I don't have that maternal instinct that I "should" have. I always thought I would outgrow that, but I never really have.
My experience leads me to believe that people with bipolar can be the very best or the very worst of parents. When the children are wanted, and the support system is strong, people with bipolar are often the most amazing parents. It's when the children were never really wanted, and/or the bipolar parent doesn't have the tools (support system, medications, desire) to cope, that parenting can turn into a disaster.
My grandfather was almost certainly bipolar, and he made some mistakes that left deep scars on his children. He was raising his ten children in the 50's and 60's and the medications and treatments that are available today were not available to him. He self medicated with alcohol, probably the worst way he could treat his bipolar. That said, most of his children are happy and doing very well today. About half struggle with bipolar or depression or varying seriousness, but most are doing well. He probably could have been a great father, but he was not. I blame alcohol, not bipolar.
There are some risks for people with bipolar when having children.. The most significant that comes to mind is the risk of passing bipolar on to offspring, which may or may not be a terrible thing- it depends on how you look at it. The other is the risk of a serious manic or depressive episode if the mother has to adjust medications while pregnant.
So, to have or not to have children when bipolar? I think if you want children you should most certainly have them. If you are worried about the
chance of passing on bipolar to your child, you can adopt. If you take care of yourself and have a strong support system, the odds are with you to be the most amazing parent. Don't rule out children just because you are bipolar. They just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Bipolar and Successful Support Group
It is extremely difficult to find people who suffer from bipolar disorder, are successful, and are also willing to talk about it. Those of us who enjoy success usually keep mental illness a secret to all but the closest of friends. Although our loved ones try to support us, there is nothing like the support of others who share this illness- it is especially wonderful to connect with people who have found ways to cope.
There are support groups out there, but they often attract people who are not coping well or not coping at all. Support groups often focus on the worst of mental illness, and rarely on success. You rarely hear about people who are bipolar and successful. We know they are out there, but how do we find them? Image my surprise when I found a local meeting for business professionals who have a mental illness. I just learned about this group and attended my first meeting tonight. What a wonderful and inspiring group!
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness runs my group. You can contact your local NAMI and find out if they have a group like this near you. If they don't, they may be willing to start one. Is anyone else involved in something like this? If so, I'd love to hear about it.
There are support groups out there, but they often attract people who are not coping well or not coping at all. Support groups often focus on the worst of mental illness, and rarely on success. You rarely hear about people who are bipolar and successful. We know they are out there, but how do we find them? Image my surprise when I found a local meeting for business professionals who have a mental illness. I just learned about this group and attended my first meeting tonight. What a wonderful and inspiring group!
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness runs my group. You can contact your local NAMI and find out if they have a group like this near you. If they don't, they may be willing to start one. Is anyone else involved in something like this? If so, I'd love to hear about it.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Bipolar, I Usually Just Pretend To Be Normal
I spend most of my time just trying to be normal. I find other ways to describe my illness. To friends and aquantances I might admit, "I get a little bit of depression from time to time," but I'd never say "I'm full on Bipolar." When filling out medical forms, I either check the box "Depression" or, if I need to request a medication to treat bipolar, I might write "Mood Disorder," but never Bipolar.
I simpily haven't had good results when admitting I'm bipolar.
Readers of this blog, My Friends, you may only know me as Amy; but I share with you, and only you, my bipolar.
It's easier to just make up better excuses for my behavior. I stay up late because I'm taking a class and I'm loaded with homework. I sleep late because I've just never been a morning person. I can't focus because I've just been worrying so much about my dad's health. The laundry's not done because I've just been so busy. And so on. It's good to have a lot of projects your appear to be working on, and a lot of books you appear to be reading laying around. It's all about appearances. People are much more accepting of unexplained oddness than they are of bipolar. When faced with bipolar, people think, oh no, will she shave her head like Britney Spears, unravel then overdose like Amy Winehouse, or end her life like Kurt Cobain?
I have been trying to be more social in times when I am well. I invite myself over to visit friends. I plan last minute parties and invite old friends and new aquantences. I try to stay just social enough to look normal and sometimes it even helps me feel normal too. Also when I make efforts to be social during these times, I find that people are more tolerant of me when I sink into my quiet, sad, withdrawn states.
If it werent' for my husband, I probably wouldn't try as hard. I sometimes notice that my husband spends so much time and effort trying to make sure I'm ok, that he neglects his own needs. I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it. He mentioned to me the other day that he doesn't have as many friends as he used to and he misses that. I'd like to have more friends too. It's something we both plan to make an effort towards, together.
If you do openly discuss your bippolar, especially with casual friends or coworkers, I think the worst thing you can do is share your bipolar in a completly negative light. People will tire of that quickly. If you decide to talk about bipoplar, people might be intrigued but they certainly won't want to hear sad, and especially long and sad stories. I think we need to save those talks for people who love us the most. We can also do what people have been doing for thousands of years and pour our emotions into work or art.
I simpily haven't had good results when admitting I'm bipolar.
Readers of this blog, My Friends, you may only know me as Amy; but I share with you, and only you, my bipolar.
It's easier to just make up better excuses for my behavior. I stay up late because I'm taking a class and I'm loaded with homework. I sleep late because I've just never been a morning person. I can't focus because I've just been worrying so much about my dad's health. The laundry's not done because I've just been so busy. And so on. It's good to have a lot of projects your appear to be working on, and a lot of books you appear to be reading laying around. It's all about appearances. People are much more accepting of unexplained oddness than they are of bipolar. When faced with bipolar, people think, oh no, will she shave her head like Britney Spears, unravel then overdose like Amy Winehouse, or end her life like Kurt Cobain?
I have been trying to be more social in times when I am well. I invite myself over to visit friends. I plan last minute parties and invite old friends and new aquantences. I try to stay just social enough to look normal and sometimes it even helps me feel normal too. Also when I make efforts to be social during these times, I find that people are more tolerant of me when I sink into my quiet, sad, withdrawn states.
If it werent' for my husband, I probably wouldn't try as hard. I sometimes notice that my husband spends so much time and effort trying to make sure I'm ok, that he neglects his own needs. I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it. He mentioned to me the other day that he doesn't have as many friends as he used to and he misses that. I'd like to have more friends too. It's something we both plan to make an effort towards, together.
If you do openly discuss your bippolar, especially with casual friends or coworkers, I think the worst thing you can do is share your bipolar in a completly negative light. People will tire of that quickly. If you decide to talk about bipoplar, people might be intrigued but they certainly won't want to hear sad, and especially long and sad stories. I think we need to save those talks for people who love us the most. We can also do what people have been doing for thousands of years and pour our emotions into work or art.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
