You know when you can sing again, when you can feel sunshine on your face again, when the color comes back into your life- the depression is starting to break. What a relief it is to be able to feel again.
When your compassion returns, when you can write again, when you can tie your hiking boots- these are all signs that you are out of the woods. When you can remember what you did yesterday and the fog leaves your mind, when you can hold your chin up high again- it sinks in, you're getting better.
When you don't have to fake a smile and you finally put some effort into making others smile as well, when it doesn't annoy you to hear laughter, when every muscle in your body doesn't hurt- you are well on your road to recovering from bipolar depression.
You could always take this opportunity to jump head first into a "normal" life, but let's face it, your life will never be normal. Remember who you are. You now have the energy to make yourself strong again, so do things that will keep you strong. Eat well, exercise, rebuild your support system, strengthen your safety net, rethink your budget. Start a blog that reminds you how to smile, and share that blog with me, sometimes I forget how to smile too.
Resist the urge to get cocky. Be careful not to embrace mania. Faithfully take your medications, if that's what helps. Think about what helped to break your depression? Remember it. Add it to your bag of tricks. For most of us, the Bipolar journey is ongoing.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Should I Stay With Someone Who is Bipolar?
So, you're involved with someone who is bipolar. Should you stay with that person? Maybe not. If that person makes you unhappy- No. If you are staying with him out of pity- No. If you are hoping that someday he will be "normal"- No. If you don't love this person with all of your heart- don't stay.
Why should the rules of love change just because one partner is bipolar? I've been dumped dozens of times, and looking back, each of my x's did me a favor. Not because they were bad guys and not worthy of my time, just the opposite. Most were good guys who did not want to deal with the black cloud of bipolar hanging over the relationship. Can you blame them?
My rocky relationships forced me to work on myself. Eventually I met my match, someone who loved me despite my faults. I met a man who learned how to turn his head when bipolar Amy was speaking, and patiently waited for the more rational Amy to return. Our relationship is not based on drama, pity, or unrealistic hope.
Why should the rules of love change just because one partner is bipolar? I've been dumped dozens of times, and looking back, each of my x's did me a favor. Not because they were bad guys and not worthy of my time, just the opposite. Most were good guys who did not want to deal with the black cloud of bipolar hanging over the relationship. Can you blame them?
My rocky relationships forced me to work on myself. Eventually I met my match, someone who loved me despite my faults. I met a man who learned how to turn his head when bipolar Amy was speaking, and patiently waited for the more rational Amy to return. Our relationship is not based on drama, pity, or unrealistic hope.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Bipolar, My Thoughts About Medications
Did you know that most medications for bipolar disorder where stumbled upon by accident? Many were created for seizure disorder, and they accidentally discovered that they worked for bipolar as well. Even Lithium was first used to treat gout, not bipolar. Medical science still doesn't know how or why most of these bipolar medications work. So why should doctors be surprised when our medications don't work?
Has anyone stopped to consider that we are attempting to treat two conflicting conditions, depression and mania, that do not occur at the same time? Just as diabetes has extremes in blood sugar level, bipolars deal with extremes in mood and energy. Is it logical to think the same same drug should work to treat both mania and depression?
I don't know enough about pharmacy to comment much further on this topic. I still have hope that bipolar medications will someday evolve into more than just hit or miss treatments.
Has anyone stopped to consider that we are attempting to treat two conflicting conditions, depression and mania, that do not occur at the same time? Just as diabetes has extremes in blood sugar level, bipolars deal with extremes in mood and energy. Is it logical to think the same same drug should work to treat both mania and depression?
I don't know enough about pharmacy to comment much further on this topic. I still have hope that bipolar medications will someday evolve into more than just hit or miss treatments.
Bipolar, We Each Have Our Own Journey
I've spent most of my life searching for the cure to bipolar. At first I thought my lot in life was to blame. Then I found a good man, a good job, and a good home, but I still struggled with mood swings. For years, I hoped it would be as easy as finding the magic pill. There are a lot of wonderful medications out there, but medications alone are not the cure. I'm still on my own journey, but I think a healthy lifestyle, a loving support system, and a good psychiatrist are key to bipolar success.
The bipolar journey is a bumpy ride.
The bipolar journey is a bumpy ride.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Bipolar, Build a Safety Net
Everytime I'm put on a new medication and it works, I think "I'm Cured!". I should know better by now, I've been battling bipolar mood swings for 25 years. It's been ten years since my last major breakdown, one so severe I could not work for months. Yet, there have still been many bumps along the way. It was blind luck that prevented me from losing my home during my last major bout of depression. Somehow I managed to get unemployment, and a kind neighbor became my friend.
Hopefully you will never have a complete breakdown. Hopefully, You will never become too ill to work. The government won't step in to help you until you've lost everything, trust me I've seen it first hand. Build some sort of safety net for yourself. Create a "What If" plan.
As for me, I try to pay my major bills at least three months in advance. Although I'm doing well and can afford more, I keep my liabilities modest. Friends who earn less, own more. But, I can not risk living paycheck to paycheck.
Some promotions I've passed by. I know my limits. When I'm doing well, I work to expand and improve my skills instead.
When living with bipolar, it's best to play it safe. I've watched my bipolar friends thrive and then fall. I chose to stay away from the ledge.
Some of my bipolar friends have given up. They are afraid to try at all. They say it's easier to collect disability. I understand that seems to be playing it safe. But, it's important to stay competitive and know how to provide for yourself. What the government gives, they can take away, and I've seen that first hand as well.
I know it seems that you have to try three times harder than anyone else. In many ways, you do. Despite these challengeges, you can build a happy and comforable life for yourself.
Hopefully you will never have a complete breakdown. Hopefully, You will never become too ill to work. The government won't step in to help you until you've lost everything, trust me I've seen it first hand. Build some sort of safety net for yourself. Create a "What If" plan.
As for me, I try to pay my major bills at least three months in advance. Although I'm doing well and can afford more, I keep my liabilities modest. Friends who earn less, own more. But, I can not risk living paycheck to paycheck.
Some promotions I've passed by. I know my limits. When I'm doing well, I work to expand and improve my skills instead.
When living with bipolar, it's best to play it safe. I've watched my bipolar friends thrive and then fall. I chose to stay away from the ledge.
Some of my bipolar friends have given up. They are afraid to try at all. They say it's easier to collect disability. I understand that seems to be playing it safe. But, it's important to stay competitive and know how to provide for yourself. What the government gives, they can take away, and I've seen that first hand as well.
I know it seems that you have to try three times harder than anyone else. In many ways, you do. Despite these challengeges, you can build a happy and comforable life for yourself.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Bipolars, We Don't Always Take Our Medication
Us bipolars don't always take our medications. This is, perhaps, the most frustrating quality about us. Those who love us, and those who try to fix us, just can't stand it. If we know that we will be "better" if we take our meds, then why don't we just take them? Easy Answer-because a medicated life is boring for us bipolars, and we are addicted to the highs and sometimes even the lows. Bipolar medications are not fun to take, the side effects are a huge drag, and when we start taking medications we don't know who we are anymore.
That said, I take Lamictal daily for my bipolar. Without Lamictal, I would not be able to function on most days. Had I not accepted my fate as the ultimate psychiatric guinea pig, I would be worse off. Bipolar drugs tend to make you gain weight, make you feel exhausted, and take the joy out of your life, until you find one that works. For me, my match was Lamictal. For you, it will probably be something else.
Before I started taking medication for my Bipolar, I was an avid writer and poet. You will learn that our most famous artists had one mental illness or another. As soon as I started taking my medication, I lost my ability to write. I also lost my sex drive, gained 40 pounds, and slept all the time. I could accept everything else, but not the loss of my creative spirit. So, I skipped a pill here and there. Then went off my medications for a week or two. This pattern of medication non-compliance lasted for years. Even with my "match", Lamictal, I still can't say that I am 100 percent compliant. I need to be.
I have many memories of my former self. Most bad, but many good. Sometimes I will come across a picture of my former self, smiling so brightly, and miss that girl so badly. Still, there are other images, mostly in my mind, where life was not so good.
I relate closely with the addict, or the alcoholic that thinks he can have "just one". I understand. The addicts have a twelve step program, and maybe we need one too. In fact, I went to several AA meetings, just to understand addiction. Most helpful is the AA step to take an honest and thorough Moral Inventory of yourself. The most difficult, is to begin to make amends.
So yes, it will be difficult at first. You will have to reinvent yourself. In the end, you will be a successful bipolar, and will learn to live a happy and fullfilling life. Don't give up; keep working with your doctor, your friends, and your family.
That said, I take Lamictal daily for my bipolar. Without Lamictal, I would not be able to function on most days. Had I not accepted my fate as the ultimate psychiatric guinea pig, I would be worse off. Bipolar drugs tend to make you gain weight, make you feel exhausted, and take the joy out of your life, until you find one that works. For me, my match was Lamictal. For you, it will probably be something else.
Before I started taking medication for my Bipolar, I was an avid writer and poet. You will learn that our most famous artists had one mental illness or another. As soon as I started taking my medication, I lost my ability to write. I also lost my sex drive, gained 40 pounds, and slept all the time. I could accept everything else, but not the loss of my creative spirit. So, I skipped a pill here and there. Then went off my medications for a week or two. This pattern of medication non-compliance lasted for years. Even with my "match", Lamictal, I still can't say that I am 100 percent compliant. I need to be.
I have many memories of my former self. Most bad, but many good. Sometimes I will come across a picture of my former self, smiling so brightly, and miss that girl so badly. Still, there are other images, mostly in my mind, where life was not so good.
I relate closely with the addict, or the alcoholic that thinks he can have "just one". I understand. The addicts have a twelve step program, and maybe we need one too. In fact, I went to several AA meetings, just to understand addiction. Most helpful is the AA step to take an honest and thorough Moral Inventory of yourself. The most difficult, is to begin to make amends.
So yes, it will be difficult at first. You will have to reinvent yourself. In the end, you will be a successful bipolar, and will learn to live a happy and fullfilling life. Don't give up; keep working with your doctor, your friends, and your family.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Ideas Girl
My husband calls me "Ideas Girl". My psychiatrist calls it "Flight of Ideas," a symptom of my bipolar. I prefer the title "Ideas Girl", and I kinda like it.
I am blessed to have a husband who listens to my ramblings, and steals them from me to make a good buck. It improves our quality of living, and I also feel great pride because I was a part of this. He is able to filter out the good ideas from the bad ones. I start projects, but rarely finish them. I have a hundred projects going on at once, he picks 5 or 10 of these projects and finishes them for me.
You see, I am creative, and my husband is diligent. My high school math teacher tried to teach me diligence by making me write its definition 100 times. I still remember it word-for-word. Diligence: A constant, earnest effort to achieve a task undertaken.
Needless to say, this was not the cure.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. The key to success is to embrace your strengths- your abilities- and to find accommodations that will allow you to proceed despite your shortcomings.
I am blessed to have a husband who listens to my ramblings, and steals them from me to make a good buck. It improves our quality of living, and I also feel great pride because I was a part of this. He is able to filter out the good ideas from the bad ones. I start projects, but rarely finish them. I have a hundred projects going on at once, he picks 5 or 10 of these projects and finishes them for me.
You see, I am creative, and my husband is diligent. My high school math teacher tried to teach me diligence by making me write its definition 100 times. I still remember it word-for-word. Diligence: A constant, earnest effort to achieve a task undertaken.
Needless to say, this was not the cure.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. The key to success is to embrace your strengths- your abilities- and to find accommodations that will allow you to proceed despite your shortcomings.
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