Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Bipolar and Successful, Quit Smoking

I read that something like 70 percent of people with Bipolar Disorder and 90 percent of people with Schizophrenia smoke, whereas smokers in the general population are closer to 20 percent. Smoking is ridiculously expensive and it's slowly killing you. Cigarettes kill more people than all other drugs combined.

Everyone has their own reasons for smoking. I always said, "I enjoy it too much to quit." I didn't only enjoy it, I loved it. I had to go back to Behavior Therapy 101, "What's Rewarding the Behavior?" I realized that my primary motivation for smoking was to feel relaxed. I enjoyed sitting down, taking a break, and deep breathing.

When I did decide to quit, I felt physically ill. I was nauseous, got terrible headaches, was irritable, and my anxiety skyrocketed. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was terribly addicted to cigarettes. The physical symptoms only lasted a few days; the psychological urges lasted much longer.
Something that really helped me at first was to take fake cigarette breaks. I'd go hide out and "pretend smoke" for five minutes. My pretend smoke break involved me taking a break, sitting down, and deep breathing for five minutes.

To stay quit long term, I started spending my smoking money on travel because that's something I really love. My husband and I were spending about $300 per month on cigarettes, and we both quit at the same time. I was having a much harder time staying quit than he did, so he finally suggested that we take the money we would spend on cigarettes every money and spend it on travel. It was money up in smoke anyways. Weekend at the beach or cigarette? I learned to love our romantic getaways and it still keeps me motivated. It's a tradition that we have kept.

On my journey, I found a website that not only convinced me to quit, but also had every possible solution to quitting - http://whyquit.com . Trust me, it's an awesome website if you think you might want to quit. No advice I can give you will compare to the advice and support you will find on that website.

Has anyone else with bipolar quit smoking? What helped you?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Bipolar and Successful, Remember Your Value

As a person with bipolar disorder, I often sabotage excellent opportunities. Most bothersome to me is that I quit good jobs. I've made some terrible choices, and my behavior hasn't always been reputable. The mistakes I've made sometimes lead me to feel worthless.

On my better days, I think about how much I have accomplished. I think about the skills I have that give me an edge. I have a bachelors degree, an active teaching certificate, and now a computer programmers certificate. My husband and I own a thriving small business, and he says he couldn't do it without me. Life is good. My friends who are not bipolar are jealous because most of them hate their jobs, and I love what I do.

If it were not for my bipolar disorder, I would still be teaching. I'm sure I would have gotten comfortable in a secure job and stayed there until retirement. I'm much happier owning a business than I ever was teaching, but it wasn't my original life plan.

It has been one heck of a bumpy ride. There have been times I've been dirt poor because of the choices I've made, but despite the glitches, my true value as a person can never be destroyed. I've had many jobs, and from every opportunity, I've taken something with me. I've learned something valuable from every job. The experience and skills transfer to current and future opportunities.

I suggest that you keep a list of everything about you that is wonderful because I guarantee you will forget those things the next time you get depressed. Add to that list whenever you can, and share it with the people you love and trust the most. Tell them that when you get depressed, you often forget your self-worth.

Also, if you have a good job, put some sort of disaster plan in place in case you get sick. You might. I quit my first professional job because I fell into a major depression and simply couldn't function. It was my first major depression, and nobody knew what to do. A good option for me at that time would have been taking a Family Medical Leave, but when it's mental illness nobody tells you.

It was difficult professionally to recover after I left that teaching position some 15 years ago, but I did it and over the years I've had some really awesome jobs. The journey has been bittersweet.

What do you do to prevent yourself from feeling worthless in hard times or when depressed?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Getting Medications Can Be Tricky When You Don't Look Crazy, Bipolar

You can't look at me and tell that I have bipolar disorder. I look just like everyone else. I take the time to fix my hair, clothes, and makeup before I leave the house (If I can't I just don't leave the house). I smile at everyone I meet. I try to make sure that everyone I run into has just a little bit better day than they would have had without me, or at least that their day is not worse because of me. For the most part, I pull that off.

That's probably the reason it took so long before I got treatment for bipolar disorder. I started complaining to doctors that I felt depressed in my teen years, describing my symptoms with a smile on my face, but it wasn't until I begged for help at the age of 25 that I got help. Even after that, it took years before I was on the path to the right treatment. I was misdiagnosed with depression, and given antidepressants which made me feel wonderful until they fizzed out and I spiraled into the worst breakdown of my life. I'm so good at looking like everything is ok that when I say I'm not ok, I'm often not heard.

I have learned how to put on this public mask in order to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible. It's so automatic to pretend that everything is ok, that I think my mask is more believable than the layers underneath. When it comes to love, family, work, and just plain living life, this works beautifully, but when it's time for treatment, it's an issue. I believe that doctors delay treatment or undertreat because they simply do not believe me.

Is this an issue for anyone else? I'd love to hear your stories.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Bipolar and Stigma

I was thinking today about how absolutely uneducated people are about bipolar disorder. The general thinking seems to be that all bipolar people are off their rocker, evil, batshit crazy, AND they are like that all the time. Honestly people, we all have our off days, but those of us with bipolar disorder are not that much different than everybody else. You don't have to be afraid.

It's no wonder that when newly diagnosed with bipolar, a person will either deny it is true or accept it as a death sentence. It is no wonder that people go on for years without treatment, or even worse are fed antidepressants, because their primary doctor doesn't think they are bad enough to be labeled as bipolar and delays referring them to a Psychiatrist. You don't have to be afraid of bipolar. What is scary though is the stigma attached to it.

When in a depressed state, us "Bipolars" are usually no bother because we are curled up in bed hoping the depression will pass or searching on the internet for a new cure. When manic, we are actually pretty fun- out spending money, traveling, coming up with new business ventures (my best work is created while hypomanic). The mixed states are not pleasant, we get a little bitchy and impulsive. I don't have to tell you this though, this is what you already know about bipolar. What you probably don't know though is that 95 percent of the time, as long as we are following our treatment plan, we are "normal"?

Many successful business people struggle with bipolar disorder, but when you picture "bipolar" you don't picture a successful person. You picture somebody who looks crazy. You don't know the successful bipolar people because they don't want to be known by their mental illness. They want to be known by who they are and by what they accomplish. The only bipolar people you THINK you know are the ones that end up on the news because they left the home today wearing nothing but their tennis shoes and decided to stomp on some guy's car windshield or committed some similar crime. Am I right?

We all have a long way to go in reducing and stamping out stigma. Don't let the media, the internet, your friends, or anybody else scare you. Bipolar is not that scary. You can still be successful.