Using The Internet For Bipolar Research

I spend obscene amounts of time on the Internet researching bipolar. I am always trying to find ways to conquer the disease completely. Bipolar can be treated but it can't be cured, at least that is what the experts are telling us.

I am thirsty for information about bipolar disorder. Knowledge is power. It didn't take long before I reached the end of the bipolar Internet. I rarely find new information about bipolar. Stale Mate. There is no place to go.

This blog is just the beginning of something bigger and better. I plan to build a website about bipolar success. I need to do this for myself, to keep track of the best bipolar research, so I can refer back to it when needed. Maybe it will help some other people as well, but it's really about me and my bipolar.

I find two kinds of bipolar blogs. One is the "everything and anything" blog. This blog is more or less rambling thoughts of the bipolar. The other type are the medical blogs, which usually are not written by bipolars- but instead by doctors. Information is cut and dry- bipolar 101 if you may. I don't find either type to be helpful anymore. I am ten years into this. It was ten years ago that I learned there was a name for my illness and it was called bipolar. I am beyond bipolar 101, and thirsty for more information.

Best bipolar medicines for mania, depression, and mixed

I thought they just picked my meds from a hat. The truth revealed! Thank You Dr. Darvin Hege!
All Joking aside, I honestly believe he could successfully treat bipolar. I was disappointed to learn that he works out of Georgia. I found this video very interesting, and truly wish more psy doctors would be honest about their method of treatment.
My own doctor will not reveal (to me) the method to her madness, I suspect this is because she doesn't' have one. Fifteen medications later, I am now on Lamictal. According to Dr. Darvin Hege, Mirapex should be next.


"Dr. Darvin Hege, Atlanta, Georgia, bipolar specialist and psychiatrist, describes medicine selection for the different phases of bipolar disorder. The algorithm for selecting the most effective medicines with the least side effects is described. "

Turning Point

For many years, I blamed others for my moods. I was not aware that I had bipolar disorder. If I was depressed, it was because of a recent breakup or problems with a job. If I was happy, it was because life was being good to me.

Then came the turning point, the moment that I finally understood that something inside me was controlling my moods.

I woke up one morning in a horrible depression. To my dismay, I had nobody to blame. I had loving relationships, a good job, bills all paid, a clean house, was even looking gorgeous and in shape- so why the heck was I feeling so blue?

My former theory that I had seasonal depressive disorder was also out the window. It was July, sunny, and 90 degrees.

I would like to tell you that I went to a Psychiatrist the next day and "SNAP" I was cured, but it did not happen that way. Instead I waited two long weeks to even get an appointment. Was then misdiagnosed with depression. Was given antidepressants which threw me into an upward swing. (only 3 years later, and 15 med combinations further did we get the bipolar diagnosis). None the less, it was a turning point.

My Promise

I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.

Be back again to blog soon!

Charting Bipolar

I recently read something by Kay Jamison, a famous expert on bipolar disorder. She suggested charting mood.

What a great idea I though. Her argument really was rather compelling. By doing so I would be able to see trends in my moods, predict my next cycle, and so on.

But quickly reality set in. I can not do this, at least not by myself. And when I am finally stable enough to remember to do such a thing every day (not to mention at the same time each day), then I suppose I will no longer need to chart anyway.

Part of success with bipolar (at least for me) is knowing yourself. This attempt to chart mood, would most likely just add to life's daily frustrations. Not to mention, creating the chart, would be a whole other issue.

I think I would like to someday chart my mood, but not today.

Has anyone been successful with mood charting? What did you learn about your bipolar?

To tell or not to tell, that is the question.

I just read an interesting post- To Tell or Not To Tell
I Am Bipolar writes, "Like anything that is considered taboo, bipolar disorder holds a perception within its name that when released on the average ear it is feared, misunderstood and bent completely out of context. "
Read move of the Pro's and Con's. Very well written. To Tell Or Not To Tell

Dr. Pat Deegan Shares Her Success Story and The Coping Skills She Uses. She has a PHD, and Schizophrenia

I wanted to share this video of Dr. Pat Deegan, it is a rare find. She has a PHD, and schizophrenia- proving that mental illness does not have to be a death sentence.

In this video, she talks a lot about how she made herself successful and the coping skills she used. She took one class at a time. She tape recorded her classes. These are adaptations that she figured out herself.

Although she is a highly intelligent and successful person, she is not entirely recovered. But, she quickly points out that everybody struggles and life is hard!

I think that key to her success is self acceptance. She does the best she can, with what she has. She even goes as far as to say that her trauma history has helped to give her compassion for the world. In other words, it has in some ways helped her to become the person she is now.

Pat also talks about stigma. In school, she was afraid to tell anyone about her mental illness. You might notice that at this time, my blog profile shows that I am just Amy. Fear of stigma prevents me from telling you any more.

Pat's mental illness was and still is real. She admits to having 9 hospitalizations, although her last one was 12 years ago. She says, "I still hear voices".

When did the bipolar start?

I have tried to go back in time, and figure out when my roller coast brain ride began.

I believe my first signs of mild depression were as early as second grade. Before that, I think I was a pretty normal child. Looking back, there were several bouts of mild depression in my grade school years. Some summers, I spent a lot of time hiding in my room and reading. Other summers, I would spend every day playing at the park.

My teenage years were very rocky. My parents assumed I was just a brat. I was up and down and all over the place. I was constantly changing friends and boyfriends. Some semesters I would get strait A's and others I would get D's and F's.

I was first diagnosed (incorrectly) with depression at the age of 25, and then finally (correctly) with bipolar at the age of 28. In my early 2o's, I tried to self diagnose, and mistakenly decided I was suffering from seasonal affective disorder. I was close, but no cigar.

Had I been diagnosed and treated earlier, I would have avoided a lot of suffering, not to mention, I would have caused less stress and suffering on my loved ones. It is not easy to love someone who has bipolar.

No Two Bipolars Are Built The Same

I write my blog from the perspective of me, and how bipolar affects me. Your friend Joe might not have the same symptoms as I do.
In fact, since this is a blog about bipolar success, you won't read much about my symptoms, I am usually able to keep the most severe symptoms in check.

No two bipolars are the same. Some suffer more with depression, other with the mania. There are rapid cyclers and slow cyclers.

Also remember that there is a personality under the bipolar. I would like to think that under the bipolar, I have a wonderful personality. There are some bipolars that I know who have horrible personalities under/or with their bipolar.

Some bipolars suffer from other things as well- addictions, poverty, OCD, and so on.

A bipolar friend of mine was on an upward swing for over two years. He was able to build up his business and make nearly 200,000 per year. Now that is success! But life finally sent him a new card, and he crashed. He lost everything. He is now in and out of psy hospitals. I have never been quite as high as him, nor quite as low. But, we suffer from the same illness, and illness where you can never trust your own mind.

With bipolar, mind over matter does not always work. At times I feel my mind is broken. We all handle that in different ways.

Bipolar- Triggers

You can't control everything, but it's good to have some self awareness and know what your real triggers are.

In layman's terms, triggers are those things that cause enough stress to make you unbalanced or make you start back towards a path you do not want to be on. For a x-smoker- lighting up one smoke can be a trigger- a trigger back towards the path of being a chain smoker.

Sometimes I say "yes" and agree to do things that are not good for me. As I have learned about controlling my bipolar, I have also learned to say no.

Some of my triggers include: unplanned travel, associating with people who have Type A personalities, and trying to do too much.

What are your bipolar triggers?

BIPOLAR SPEAKS: Limitations

BIPOLAR SPEAKS: Limitations

Bipolar- Pace Yourself

I always must remind myself to slow down and pace myself. With bipolar, what goes up- must come down.

A large part of bipolar is extremes in mood and energy. Got to love hypomania. Feels like you can conquer the world. I am smart enough to convince people that I am superwoman. I am! At least I am for a while. My upward swings have been known to last days, weeks, and sometimes even months. New relationships are magical and can bring me to cloud nine.

The truth is, I can only be superwoman for so long. For employers and boyfriends, the crash is a letdown. They simply can not understand why this woman who was so wonderful is now basically unproductive.

The secret to my bipolar success- pace yourself. Life is not a race. If become hypomanic and produce a lot of work- turn in a little at a time. This will give you the time to rest on your downward swings, and you will still have work to turn in.

Think of it like this. A runner can sprint very fast. However, when going cross country, must pace himself. At times the bipolar mind wants to sprint. When this happens, it's only fair to let your mind rest.

Sleep and Bipolar

Sleep and bipolar- it's a curious thing.

It is nearly impossible to wake me up. I can easily sleep through two alarm clocks. But, as the day progresses, I become more and more awake and productive. Falling asleep takes hours.

I often wonder if I could be more successful if sleep were not an issue. What would happen to me if there were no clocks- if the world followed my schedule?

Doctors recommend good sleep hygiene. Easier said than done. Just not working for me. I have my own bipolar clock. In a perfect world, that would not be held against me.

I am able to stay successful because I have some flexibility in my job schedule. My husband wakes me up, and does so kindly. I take naps and sleep in on the weekends. So much for good sleep hygiene

Pieces of Me

What is me, and what is "The Bipolar"?

Only my closest and dearest friends even know I am bipolar. I am darn good at pretending to be "normal". Years and years of practice! (I know when to hide)

Even I don't know who I am or what I am doing half the time. Most people just think I am a little bit quirky.

My husband is as solid and as stable as a rock. It is often by the look on his face that I am able to gage my current level of stability.

I try to define myself by the constants in my life. Although sometimes I think I can fly, I am not a bird. Although sometimes I want to hide my head in the sand, I am not an ostrich. I am a writer, a web designer, a researcher, a teacher, a wife, and a dreamer.

Who are you?

My Promise

This is not another depressing website about being Bipolar. My promise to you is that I will focus on the positives of being bipolar.

This blog is about hope. Hope for me, and hope for everyone else who is bipolar. Tricks of the trade, if you may.

I am Bipolar and Successful! I have a job, a car, a husband, and a house. I take care of myself, do the best I can- and that is my definition of success.

Sometimes I throw myself a pity party. These pity parties sometimes last for a day, sometimes a month. But, when I am finally able to break out of my funk- I keep on swimming. I make amends, move on, and forgive myself.