The definition of success varies from person to person. Too many people think success is just about making money. My definition of success is "Be all you WANT to be" and to "Keep going, despite every obstacle".
I consider myself to be successful despite my bipolar. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. I do not have a sizable bank account. But, I am happy and I get by. In fact, I get by quite well.
My cousin is a lawyer, and he considers himself to be a failure. He doesn't earn "enough" money he tells me. He thinks I'm silly when I tell him to count his blessings. My cousin does not suffer from any mental illness, he is just a little greedy. He is chasing the dollar, what a waste. I consider myself to be more successful than he.
Bipolar has taught me to count my blessings. Every moment matters. Bipolar has taught me compassion, patience, and hope. Bipolar has made me a better person.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I'm JUST Bipolar
I have been seeing the same Psy Doc for almost ten years now. It's comical to me to see that she still doesn't get me. I drive her nuts.
Over the years, she has tried so hard to fix me. She first diagnosed me with depression. She gave me some Celexa, and WoW did that stuff make me fly. If she was worth her salt, she would have known from week 1 that I was "Just Bipolar". After just the first dose of Celexa I called her the next day in a panic, "Help! My heart is racing, my pupils are dilated, and I can't stop pacing. I think I am going to jump out of my skin!" I told her. She calmly told me to "just take a half a pill tomorrow". And that was that.
I took that Celexa for a year or two, and it was a very happy year. Looking back, it was a year of hypomania/mania. Of course the inevitable happened, I crashed and went into a major depression.
Even after that little "oops" on her part, she still didn't get it. Over the years, she has diagnosed me OCD, ADD, ADHD, and a few other things, and given me the drugs to treat them. Du, Doc- I am JUST Bipolar.
Lucky for me, I am smart. I do a lot of my own research, and I just won't take a drug combination that turns me into a zombie.
Over the years, she has tried so hard to fix me. She first diagnosed me with depression. She gave me some Celexa, and WoW did that stuff make me fly. If she was worth her salt, she would have known from week 1 that I was "Just Bipolar". After just the first dose of Celexa I called her the next day in a panic, "Help! My heart is racing, my pupils are dilated, and I can't stop pacing. I think I am going to jump out of my skin!" I told her. She calmly told me to "just take a half a pill tomorrow". And that was that.
I took that Celexa for a year or two, and it was a very happy year. Looking back, it was a year of hypomania/mania. Of course the inevitable happened, I crashed and went into a major depression.
Even after that little "oops" on her part, she still didn't get it. Over the years, she has diagnosed me OCD, ADD, ADHD, and a few other things, and given me the drugs to treat them. Du, Doc- I am JUST Bipolar.
Lucky for me, I am smart. I do a lot of my own research, and I just won't take a drug combination that turns me into a zombie.
Bipolars Get Great Jobs
Bipolars are often able to land some excellent jobs. If you work for an average size company, chances are you work with at least one bipolar. He or she is probably that super creative person who just won't stay put in their cubical (and sometimes hides in it).
The problem with us bipolars, is that some of us are as good at losing jobs as we are at landing them. And yes, although I am successful, I have burned a few bridges in the ole' career journey. The older I get, the longer I am able to keep my jobs. I usually put myself on a two-year contract.
I have NEVER been fired (yet!!). But, I have been "Almost Fired". The trick for me is knowing when to let go. Personal Relationships are most often the reason for my job-hopping. But, The worst boss I ever had was myself (I was self- employed).
However, I do not despair. I am smart, and there is always another job just around the corner. I land wonderful jobs, and make wonderful contributions. I always leave a company knowing that I have done some very wonderful things, and that I gave my heart and sole.
"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill
The problem with us bipolars, is that some of us are as good at losing jobs as we are at landing them. And yes, although I am successful, I have burned a few bridges in the ole' career journey. The older I get, the longer I am able to keep my jobs. I usually put myself on a two-year contract.
I have NEVER been fired (yet!!). But, I have been "Almost Fired". The trick for me is knowing when to let go. Personal Relationships are most often the reason for my job-hopping. But, The worst boss I ever had was myself (I was self- employed).
However, I do not despair. I am smart, and there is always another job just around the corner. I land wonderful jobs, and make wonderful contributions. I always leave a company knowing that I have done some very wonderful things, and that I gave my heart and sole.
"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill
Making Bipolar Work For You
Come on people! Bipolar isn't a death sentence. You can make it work for you. Many Famous People have/had bipolar disorder. Some of my personal favorites on this list are Kay Redfield Jamison, Lord Byron, Carrie Fisher, Ernest Hemingway, Edger Allan Poe, and Axl Rose. (And we all still wonder about Britney Spears)
But hey, these are my favorites- the list is long- read it. The List is from Wikipedia, so if you know of more, you can edit it for us all to read. History is just loaded with creative bipolars.
Use your bipolar talents for good, and not evil. Embrace modern science, and continue to search for your own best treatment.
Don't be discouraged by statistics and sad stories. There are many closet-bipolars out there living successful lives, it is STIGMA that keeps them quiet.
But hey, these are my favorites- the list is long- read it. The List is from Wikipedia, so if you know of more, you can edit it for us all to read. History is just loaded with creative bipolars.
Use your bipolar talents for good, and not evil. Embrace modern science, and continue to search for your own best treatment.
Don't be discouraged by statistics and sad stories. There are many closet-bipolars out there living successful lives, it is STIGMA that keeps them quiet.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Lead Me NOT Into Bipolar Temptation
Lets see, how do the "Experts" like to describe us "Bipolars"?
The "Experts" often speak of what us "Bipolars" do when manic. Today I want to touch on several of those Bipolar Traits that I have learned to curb. I have done this by taking every step possible to avoid temptation. Because even though I take my meds, I still get those bipolor urges.
-Spending sprees
-Abuse of drugs
-Promiscuity
Bipolar Spending Sprees- When I'm feeling good, I just love to spend money. I'm happy and I feel like I deserve it. I've got plastic, now lets go shopping! Or Not. I've learned to curb the spending in two ways. I try to stay out of stores. And, when I must go into a store, I bring cash. Plastic is locked away. One time I went as far to take my credit card, wrap it in some freezer wrap, and to freeze it into a big chunk of ice. Sometimes I looked at that big old ice cube, and though about how I could get to the credit card, but it was pretty well safe there. When I feel that I absolutely MUST go on a spending spree, I take 20 dollars, and run over to the dollar store. Somehow that can be just as satisfying as spending thousands.
Abuse of Drugs- My number one piece of advice on this is, chose your friends wisely. "Friends" often become the supplier. But if you get caught in this (as I did), I highly recommend a 12 step program such as AA. Trade one addiction for another, and one group of "friends" for another.
Promiscuity- Promiscuity can be the most difficult of all to control. Set boundaries for yourself, and stick to them. Heck, I've gone as far as writing a list of rules for myself and pasting it on the bathroom mirror. Extreme self discipline is required here. And, lead yourself NOT into temptation. Just as I don't go into certain stores because I might spend too much money, I also stay clear of certain men so I don't cross any taboo lines.
The "Experts" often speak of what us "Bipolars" do when manic. Today I want to touch on several of those Bipolar Traits that I have learned to curb. I have done this by taking every step possible to avoid temptation. Because even though I take my meds, I still get those bipolor urges.
-Spending sprees
-Abuse of drugs
-Promiscuity
Bipolar Spending Sprees- When I'm feeling good, I just love to spend money. I'm happy and I feel like I deserve it. I've got plastic, now lets go shopping! Or Not. I've learned to curb the spending in two ways. I try to stay out of stores. And, when I must go into a store, I bring cash. Plastic is locked away. One time I went as far to take my credit card, wrap it in some freezer wrap, and to freeze it into a big chunk of ice. Sometimes I looked at that big old ice cube, and though about how I could get to the credit card, but it was pretty well safe there. When I feel that I absolutely MUST go on a spending spree, I take 20 dollars, and run over to the dollar store. Somehow that can be just as satisfying as spending thousands.
Abuse of Drugs- My number one piece of advice on this is, chose your friends wisely. "Friends" often become the supplier. But if you get caught in this (as I did), I highly recommend a 12 step program such as AA. Trade one addiction for another, and one group of "friends" for another.
Promiscuity- Promiscuity can be the most difficult of all to control. Set boundaries for yourself, and stick to them. Heck, I've gone as far as writing a list of rules for myself and pasting it on the bathroom mirror. Extreme self discipline is required here. And, lead yourself NOT into temptation. Just as I don't go into certain stores because I might spend too much money, I also stay clear of certain men so I don't cross any taboo lines.
I Can't Get Health Insurance Because I am Bipolar!
Because I am bipolar, I can't get private health insurance. How wrong is that? Now my friend, who smokes 2 packs of ciggys a day can get private health insurance, but I can't. I, like many other Americans, would like to have health insurance to protect me in case I ever get really sick.
I have spoken with many insurance agents, and the answer is the same- I will get denied due to my bipolar.
One insurance agent I consulted with was very persistent in his attempt to get me insurance. He tried every trick-of-the-trade known in the health insurance kingdom. Thinking outloud, he said to me, "Maybe we can just not say you are bipolar". But upon his further research, he learned that my medication history gives me away. I could not lie, even if I wanted to. I learned from him that Health insurance companies can actually get information about every med you have even been prescribed! I have taken a lot of meds for bipolar- but the LITHIUM I took many years ago was the true red flag. Other bipolar meds can also be used for things such as headaches, seizures, etc.
I suggested that MAYBE I could still get insurance, and just exclude my bipolar illness as a preexisting illness. No Cigar. I said to the insurance guru, "just exclude the cost of meds, and psy visits". What a great idea he thought, but he learned that wasn't the possible either.
Although no insurance agent would tell me the reason they will not cover bipolar, I believe it is due to the high risk of suicide in bipolars. Many studies indicate a 15% rate of suicide amongst individuals with bipolar disorder. This rate is about 30 times higher than than that of the general population.
The most ironic thing is that I qualify for Life Insurance! Image that.
Has anyone figured out how to get private health insurance when you are bipolar? I live in Florida.
I have spoken with many insurance agents, and the answer is the same- I will get denied due to my bipolar.
One insurance agent I consulted with was very persistent in his attempt to get me insurance. He tried every trick-of-the-trade known in the health insurance kingdom. Thinking outloud, he said to me, "Maybe we can just not say you are bipolar". But upon his further research, he learned that my medication history gives me away. I could not lie, even if I wanted to. I learned from him that Health insurance companies can actually get information about every med you have even been prescribed! I have taken a lot of meds for bipolar- but the LITHIUM I took many years ago was the true red flag. Other bipolar meds can also be used for things such as headaches, seizures, etc.
I suggested that MAYBE I could still get insurance, and just exclude my bipolar illness as a preexisting illness. No Cigar. I said to the insurance guru, "just exclude the cost of meds, and psy visits". What a great idea he thought, but he learned that wasn't the possible either.
Although no insurance agent would tell me the reason they will not cover bipolar, I believe it is due to the high risk of suicide in bipolars. Many studies indicate a 15% rate of suicide amongst individuals with bipolar disorder. This rate is about 30 times higher than than that of the general population.
The most ironic thing is that I qualify for Life Insurance! Image that.
Has anyone figured out how to get private health insurance when you are bipolar? I live in Florida.
The "Bipolar Meltdown", Yes, I Still Have Them
About 5 or 6 times a year, I have what I now refer to as a "Bipolar Meltdown". I basically act like an out of control 2 year old and go on a rant. I've learned to accept this as part of who I am. I also teach loved ones and family members to identify this behavior, and help them learn how to deal with it.
My husband is the target of these "Bipolar Meltdowns". Not because I hate him, but because I love him and trust him. He is safe. My husband is as stable as a man can be, and I am blessed to have him. I have taught him to learn when it is me talking and when it's the bipolar talking.
Here is a short narrative of how one of these "Bipolar Meltdowns" sound. "I hate you! I hate everything. My life sucks. I hate my job! I just can't do it anymore! Leave me alone. It's all your fault! I have no friends. Nobody loves me. I give up!" I cry, I yell, I make threats. It's absolutely horrid. But, when it is over, I feel better, and I am "human" again.
I have learned (by trial and error) that it is very, very important NOT to have these meltdowns at work.
I know it isn't fair to put anyone through this. But, it is a choice that those that have come to love me have to make. 99 percent of the time I am a rational, intelligent, sweet, compassionate, hard-working, loving woman.
Look, I know "Normal" women who act like this 5 days per month- they call it PMS, and it is acceptable in this society. I also know "Normal" people who have crap personalities. They are just no fun to be around, hateful, and miserable people. They are crappy all the time. So, I have learned to forgive myself, and accept my shortcomings.
My Psy doctor (I can only afford a nurse practitioner) has long since tried to fix me. She thinks we can keep tweaking my meds until I am all better. Wake up doc! This is as good as it gets. That is, until medical science can find better treatment.
My doc could probably give me the meds to prevent these "Bipolar Meltodowns" and believe me she has tried. I am the ultimate guini pig to her. However, ten years into this I refuse to take medications that make me feel flat-line, or that make me drool, that make me gain 40 lbs, or that make me sleep 15 hours per day.
Although I am not perfect, I still consider myself successful. I have a job that pays all my bills, friends and family who love me, and for the most part I am happy.
If you know someone who is Bipolar, please forgive them when they have a meltdown. They really don't mean what they say.
My husband is the target of these "Bipolar Meltdowns". Not because I hate him, but because I love him and trust him. He is safe. My husband is as stable as a man can be, and I am blessed to have him. I have taught him to learn when it is me talking and when it's the bipolar talking.
Here is a short narrative of how one of these "Bipolar Meltdowns" sound. "I hate you! I hate everything. My life sucks. I hate my job! I just can't do it anymore! Leave me alone. It's all your fault! I have no friends. Nobody loves me. I give up!" I cry, I yell, I make threats. It's absolutely horrid. But, when it is over, I feel better, and I am "human" again.
I have learned (by trial and error) that it is very, very important NOT to have these meltdowns at work.
I know it isn't fair to put anyone through this. But, it is a choice that those that have come to love me have to make. 99 percent of the time I am a rational, intelligent, sweet, compassionate, hard-working, loving woman.
Look, I know "Normal" women who act like this 5 days per month- they call it PMS, and it is acceptable in this society. I also know "Normal" people who have crap personalities. They are just no fun to be around, hateful, and miserable people. They are crappy all the time. So, I have learned to forgive myself, and accept my shortcomings.
My Psy doctor (I can only afford a nurse practitioner) has long since tried to fix me. She thinks we can keep tweaking my meds until I am all better. Wake up doc! This is as good as it gets. That is, until medical science can find better treatment.
My doc could probably give me the meds to prevent these "Bipolar Meltodowns" and believe me she has tried. I am the ultimate guini pig to her. However, ten years into this I refuse to take medications that make me feel flat-line, or that make me drool, that make me gain 40 lbs, or that make me sleep 15 hours per day.
Although I am not perfect, I still consider myself successful. I have a job that pays all my bills, friends and family who love me, and for the most part I am happy.
If you know someone who is Bipolar, please forgive them when they have a meltdown. They really don't mean what they say.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Bipolar Personality
Do bipolars share a common personality?
I took the Myers-Briggs Typology (Personality) Test nearly 20 years ago in a Psychology class. I learned I was an ENFJ, and was given a print out - personality profile. Not only was it Erie then to read a very accurate profile of myself, a profile more accurate than I could write myself, but it was even more Erie to learn that the test's predictions of what I would be like in Mid Life were true.
The personality test predicted that I would develop a passion for art, cooking, and nature. Twenty years ago, this prediction was laughable. I was the young, wild, party-girl. However, I am now finding a passion for these things.
I found the printout of the personality quiz that I had taken 20 years ago. I really wasn't sure what the quiz was called , or if it was something still used. I googled ENFJ which was printed on top of the quiz, and found loads of information about this personality profile. I am almost certain that it was the Myers-Briggs.
You can take the Myers- Briggs quiz- Free and no sign up- at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
It is 72 multiple choice questions.
I took the Myers- Briggs quiz again today and learned that I am no longer an ENFJ but now I am an INFJ. In other words, my personality is very similar to what it was 20 years ago. However, I is for Introvert and E is for Extrovert. Twenty years has turned me and Extrovert to an Introvert. (Oh, and I also had a good friend take the test, and she is also an INFJ. What are the odds? According to the information, 1 percent that I could be an INFJ.. So what are the odds that my good friend would also be?)
I am not sure if a study has every been done on personality and mental illness. It would be interesting to know if bipolars share a certain personality profile. Perhaps a way to predict mental illness?
I think computers have the potential to solve many mysteries of the human mind. Ah, if Jung only had the use of the computer. What we might just know now.
I took the Myers-Briggs Typology (Personality) Test nearly 20 years ago in a Psychology class. I learned I was an ENFJ, and was given a print out - personality profile. Not only was it Erie then to read a very accurate profile of myself, a profile more accurate than I could write myself, but it was even more Erie to learn that the test's predictions of what I would be like in Mid Life were true.
The personality test predicted that I would develop a passion for art, cooking, and nature. Twenty years ago, this prediction was laughable. I was the young, wild, party-girl. However, I am now finding a passion for these things.
I found the printout of the personality quiz that I had taken 20 years ago. I really wasn't sure what the quiz was called , or if it was something still used. I googled ENFJ which was printed on top of the quiz, and found loads of information about this personality profile. I am almost certain that it was the Myers-Briggs.
You can take the Myers- Briggs quiz- Free and no sign up- at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
It is 72 multiple choice questions.
I took the Myers- Briggs quiz again today and learned that I am no longer an ENFJ but now I am an INFJ. In other words, my personality is very similar to what it was 20 years ago. However, I is for Introvert and E is for Extrovert. Twenty years has turned me and Extrovert to an Introvert. (Oh, and I also had a good friend take the test, and she is also an INFJ. What are the odds? According to the information, 1 percent that I could be an INFJ.. So what are the odds that my good friend would also be?)
I am not sure if a study has every been done on personality and mental illness. It would be interesting to know if bipolars share a certain personality profile. Perhaps a way to predict mental illness?
I think computers have the potential to solve many mysteries of the human mind. Ah, if Jung only had the use of the computer. What we might just know now.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Using The Internet For Bipolar Research
I spend obscene amounts of time on the Internet researching bipolar. I am always trying to find ways to conquer the disease completely. Bipolar can be treated but it can't be cured, at least that is what the experts are telling us.
I am thirsty for information about bipolar disorder. Knowledge is power. It didn't take long before I reached the end of the bipolar Internet. I rarely find new information about bipolar. Stale Mate. There is no place to go.
This blog is just the beginning of something bigger and better. I plan to build a website about bipolar success. I need to do this for myself, to keep track of the best bipolar research, so I can refer back to it when needed. Maybe it will help some other people as well, but it's really about me and my bipolar.
I find two kinds of bipolar blogs. One is the "everything and anything" blog. This blog is more or less rambling thoughts of the bipolar. The other type are the medical blogs, which usually are not written by bipolars- but instead by doctors. Information is cut and dry- bipolar 101 if you may. I don't find either type to be helpful anymore. I am ten years into this. It was ten years ago that I learned there was a name for my illness and it was called bipolar. I am beyond bipolar 101, and thirsty for more information.
I am thirsty for information about bipolar disorder. Knowledge is power. It didn't take long before I reached the end of the bipolar Internet. I rarely find new information about bipolar. Stale Mate. There is no place to go.
This blog is just the beginning of something bigger and better. I plan to build a website about bipolar success. I need to do this for myself, to keep track of the best bipolar research, so I can refer back to it when needed. Maybe it will help some other people as well, but it's really about me and my bipolar.
I find two kinds of bipolar blogs. One is the "everything and anything" blog. This blog is more or less rambling thoughts of the bipolar. The other type are the medical blogs, which usually are not written by bipolars- but instead by doctors. Information is cut and dry- bipolar 101 if you may. I don't find either type to be helpful anymore. I am ten years into this. It was ten years ago that I learned there was a name for my illness and it was called bipolar. I am beyond bipolar 101, and thirsty for more information.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Best bipolar medicines for mania, depression, and mixed
I thought they just picked my meds from a hat. The truth revealed! Thank You Dr. Darvin Hege!
All Joking aside, I honestly believe he could successfully treat bipolar. I was disappointed to learn that he works out of Georgia. I found this video very interesting, and truly wish more psy doctors would be honest about their method of treatment.
My own doctor will not reveal (to me) the method to her madness, I suspect this is because she doesn't' have one. Fifteen medications later, I am now on Lamictal. According to Dr. Darvin Hege, Mirapex should be next.
"Dr. Darvin Hege, Atlanta, Georgia, bipolar specialist and psychiatrist, describes medicine selection for the different phases of bipolar disorder. The algorithm for selecting the most effective medicines with the least side effects is described. "
All Joking aside, I honestly believe he could successfully treat bipolar. I was disappointed to learn that he works out of Georgia. I found this video very interesting, and truly wish more psy doctors would be honest about their method of treatment.
My own doctor will not reveal (to me) the method to her madness, I suspect this is because she doesn't' have one. Fifteen medications later, I am now on Lamictal. According to Dr. Darvin Hege, Mirapex should be next.
"Dr. Darvin Hege, Atlanta, Georgia, bipolar specialist and psychiatrist, describes medicine selection for the different phases of bipolar disorder. The algorithm for selecting the most effective medicines with the least side effects is described. "
Turning Point
For many years, I blamed others for my moods. I was not aware that I had bipolar disorder. If I was depressed, it was because of a recent breakup or problems with a job. If I was happy, it was because life was being good to me.
Then came the turning point, the moment that I finally understood that something inside me was controlling my moods.
I woke up one morning in a horrible depression. To my dismay, I had nobody to blame. I had loving relationships, a good job, bills all paid, a clean house, was even looking gorgeous and in shape- so why the heck was I feeling so blue?
My former theory that I had seasonal depressive disorder was also out the window. It was July, sunny, and 90 degrees.
I would like to tell you that I went to a Psychiatrist the next day and "SNAP" I was cured, but it did not happen that way. Instead I waited two long weeks to even get an appointment. Was then misdiagnosed with depression. Was given antidepressants which threw me into an upward swing. (only 3 years later, and 15 med combinations further did we get the bipolar diagnosis). None the less, it was a turning point.
Then came the turning point, the moment that I finally understood that something inside me was controlling my moods.
I woke up one morning in a horrible depression. To my dismay, I had nobody to blame. I had loving relationships, a good job, bills all paid, a clean house, was even looking gorgeous and in shape- so why the heck was I feeling so blue?
My former theory that I had seasonal depressive disorder was also out the window. It was July, sunny, and 90 degrees.
I would like to tell you that I went to a Psychiatrist the next day and "SNAP" I was cured, but it did not happen that way. Instead I waited two long weeks to even get an appointment. Was then misdiagnosed with depression. Was given antidepressants which threw me into an upward swing. (only 3 years later, and 15 med combinations further did we get the bipolar diagnosis). None the less, it was a turning point.
Monday, September 15, 2008
My Promise
I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.
Be back again to blog soon!
I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.
Be back again to blog soon!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Charting Bipolar
I recently read something by Kay Jamison, a famous expert on bipolar disorder. She suggested charting mood.
What a great idea I though. Her argument really was rather compelling. By doing so I would be able to see trends in my moods, predict my next cycle, and so on.
But quickly reality set in. I can not do this, at least not by myself. And when I am finally stable enough to remember to do such a thing every day (not to mention at the same time each day), then I suppose I will no longer need to chart anyway.
Part of success with bipolar (at least for me) is knowing yourself. This attempt to chart mood, would most likely just add to life's daily frustrations. Not to mention, creating the chart, would be a whole other issue.
I think I would like to someday chart my mood, but not today.
Has anyone been successful with mood charting? What did you learn about your bipolar?
What a great idea I though. Her argument really was rather compelling. By doing so I would be able to see trends in my moods, predict my next cycle, and so on.
But quickly reality set in. I can not do this, at least not by myself. And when I am finally stable enough to remember to do such a thing every day (not to mention at the same time each day), then I suppose I will no longer need to chart anyway.
Part of success with bipolar (at least for me) is knowing yourself. This attempt to chart mood, would most likely just add to life's daily frustrations. Not to mention, creating the chart, would be a whole other issue.
I think I would like to someday chart my mood, but not today.
Has anyone been successful with mood charting? What did you learn about your bipolar?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
To tell or not to tell, that is the question.
I just read an interesting post- To Tell or Not To Tell
I Am Bipolar writes, "Like anything that is considered taboo, bipolar disorder holds a perception within its name that when released on the average ear it is feared, misunderstood and bent completely out of context. "
Read move of the Pro's and Con's. Very well written. To Tell Or Not To Tell
I Am Bipolar writes, "Like anything that is considered taboo, bipolar disorder holds a perception within its name that when released on the average ear it is feared, misunderstood and bent completely out of context. "
Read move of the Pro's and Con's. Very well written. To Tell Or Not To Tell
Dr. Pat Deegan Shares Her Success Story and The Coping Skills She Uses. She has a PHD, and Schizophrenia
I wanted to share this video of Dr. Pat Deegan, it is a rare find. She has a PHD, and schizophrenia- proving that mental illness does not have to be a death sentence.
In this video, she talks a lot about how she made herself successful and the coping skills she used. She took one class at a time. She tape recorded her classes. These are adaptations that she figured out herself.
Although she is a highly intelligent and successful person, she is not entirely recovered. But, she quickly points out that everybody struggles and life is hard!
I think that key to her success is self acceptance. She does the best she can, with what she has. She even goes as far as to say that her trauma history has helped to give her compassion for the world. In other words, it has in some ways helped her to become the person she is now.
Pat also talks about stigma. In school, she was afraid to tell anyone about her mental illness. You might notice that at this time, my blog profile shows that I am just Amy. Fear of stigma prevents me from telling you any more.
Pat's mental illness was and still is real. She admits to having 9 hospitalizations, although her last one was 12 years ago. She says, "I still hear voices".
When did the bipolar start?
I have tried to go back in time, and figure out when my roller coast brain ride began.
I believe my first signs of mild depression were as early as second grade. Before that, I think I was a pretty normal child. Looking back, there were several bouts of mild depression in my grade school years. Some summers, I spent a lot of time hiding in my room and reading. Other summers, I would spend every day playing at the park.
My teenage years were very rocky. My parents assumed I was just a brat. I was up and down and all over the place. I was constantly changing friends and boyfriends. Some semesters I would get strait A's and others I would get D's and F's.
I was first diagnosed (incorrectly) with depression at the age of 25, and then finally (correctly) with bipolar at the age of 28. In my early 2o's, I tried to self diagnose, and mistakenly decided I was suffering from seasonal affective disorder. I was close, but no cigar.
Had I been diagnosed and treated earlier, I would have avoided a lot of suffering, not to mention, I would have caused less stress and suffering on my loved ones. It is not easy to love someone who has bipolar.
I believe my first signs of mild depression were as early as second grade. Before that, I think I was a pretty normal child. Looking back, there were several bouts of mild depression in my grade school years. Some summers, I spent a lot of time hiding in my room and reading. Other summers, I would spend every day playing at the park.
My teenage years were very rocky. My parents assumed I was just a brat. I was up and down and all over the place. I was constantly changing friends and boyfriends. Some semesters I would get strait A's and others I would get D's and F's.
I was first diagnosed (incorrectly) with depression at the age of 25, and then finally (correctly) with bipolar at the age of 28. In my early 2o's, I tried to self diagnose, and mistakenly decided I was suffering from seasonal affective disorder. I was close, but no cigar.
Had I been diagnosed and treated earlier, I would have avoided a lot of suffering, not to mention, I would have caused less stress and suffering on my loved ones. It is not easy to love someone who has bipolar.
No Two Bipolars Are Built The Same
I write my blog from the perspective of me, and how bipolar affects me. Your friend Joe might not have the same symptoms as I do.
In fact, since this is a blog about bipolar success, you won't read much about my symptoms, I am usually able to keep the most severe symptoms in check.
No two bipolars are the same. Some suffer more with depression, other with the mania. There are rapid cyclers and slow cyclers.
Also remember that there is a personality under the bipolar. I would like to think that under the bipolar, I have a wonderful personality. There are some bipolars that I know who have horrible personalities under/or with their bipolar.
Some bipolars suffer from other things as well- addictions, poverty, OCD, and so on.
A bipolar friend of mine was on an upward swing for over two years. He was able to build up his business and make nearly 200,000 per year. Now that is success! But life finally sent him a new card, and he crashed. He lost everything. He is now in and out of psy hospitals. I have never been quite as high as him, nor quite as low. But, we suffer from the same illness, and illness where you can never trust your own mind.
With bipolar, mind over matter does not always work. At times I feel my mind is broken. We all handle that in different ways.
In fact, since this is a blog about bipolar success, you won't read much about my symptoms, I am usually able to keep the most severe symptoms in check.
No two bipolars are the same. Some suffer more with depression, other with the mania. There are rapid cyclers and slow cyclers.
Also remember that there is a personality under the bipolar. I would like to think that under the bipolar, I have a wonderful personality. There are some bipolars that I know who have horrible personalities under/or with their bipolar.
Some bipolars suffer from other things as well- addictions, poverty, OCD, and so on.
A bipolar friend of mine was on an upward swing for over two years. He was able to build up his business and make nearly 200,000 per year. Now that is success! But life finally sent him a new card, and he crashed. He lost everything. He is now in and out of psy hospitals. I have never been quite as high as him, nor quite as low. But, we suffer from the same illness, and illness where you can never trust your own mind.
With bipolar, mind over matter does not always work. At times I feel my mind is broken. We all handle that in different ways.
Bipolar- Triggers
You can't control everything, but it's good to have some self awareness and know what your real triggers are.
In layman's terms, triggers are those things that cause enough stress to make you unbalanced or make you start back towards a path you do not want to be on. For a x-smoker- lighting up one smoke can be a trigger- a trigger back towards the path of being a chain smoker.
Sometimes I say "yes" and agree to do things that are not good for me. As I have learned about controlling my bipolar, I have also learned to say no.
Some of my triggers include: unplanned travel, associating with people who have Type A personalities, and trying to do too much.
What are your bipolar triggers?
In layman's terms, triggers are those things that cause enough stress to make you unbalanced or make you start back towards a path you do not want to be on. For a x-smoker- lighting up one smoke can be a trigger- a trigger back towards the path of being a chain smoker.
Sometimes I say "yes" and agree to do things that are not good for me. As I have learned about controlling my bipolar, I have also learned to say no.
Some of my triggers include: unplanned travel, associating with people who have Type A personalities, and trying to do too much.
What are your bipolar triggers?
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Bipolar- Pace Yourself
I always must remind myself to slow down and pace myself. With bipolar, what goes up- must come down.
A large part of bipolar is extremes in mood and energy. Got to love hypomania. Feels like you can conquer the world. I am smart enough to convince people that I am superwoman. I am! At least I am for a while. My upward swings have been known to last days, weeks, and sometimes even months. New relationships are magical and can bring me to cloud nine.
The truth is, I can only be superwoman for so long. For employers and boyfriends, the crash is a letdown. They simply can not understand why this woman who was so wonderful is now basically unproductive.
The secret to my bipolar success- pace yourself. Life is not a race. If become hypomanic and produce a lot of work- turn in a little at a time. This will give you the time to rest on your downward swings, and you will still have work to turn in.
Think of it like this. A runner can sprint very fast. However, when going cross country, must pace himself. At times the bipolar mind wants to sprint. When this happens, it's only fair to let your mind rest.
A large part of bipolar is extremes in mood and energy. Got to love hypomania. Feels like you can conquer the world. I am smart enough to convince people that I am superwoman. I am! At least I am for a while. My upward swings have been known to last days, weeks, and sometimes even months. New relationships are magical and can bring me to cloud nine.
The truth is, I can only be superwoman for so long. For employers and boyfriends, the crash is a letdown. They simply can not understand why this woman who was so wonderful is now basically unproductive.
The secret to my bipolar success- pace yourself. Life is not a race. If become hypomanic and produce a lot of work- turn in a little at a time. This will give you the time to rest on your downward swings, and you will still have work to turn in.
Think of it like this. A runner can sprint very fast. However, when going cross country, must pace himself. At times the bipolar mind wants to sprint. When this happens, it's only fair to let your mind rest.
Sleep and Bipolar
Sleep and bipolar- it's a curious thing.
It is nearly impossible to wake me up. I can easily sleep through two alarm clocks. But, as the day progresses, I become more and more awake and productive. Falling asleep takes hours.
I often wonder if I could be more successful if sleep were not an issue. What would happen to me if there were no clocks- if the world followed my schedule?
Doctors recommend good sleep hygiene. Easier said than done. Just not working for me. I have my own bipolar clock. In a perfect world, that would not be held against me.
I am able to stay successful because I have some flexibility in my job schedule. My husband wakes me up, and does so kindly. I take naps and sleep in on the weekends. So much for good sleep hygiene
It is nearly impossible to wake me up. I can easily sleep through two alarm clocks. But, as the day progresses, I become more and more awake and productive. Falling asleep takes hours.
I often wonder if I could be more successful if sleep were not an issue. What would happen to me if there were no clocks- if the world followed my schedule?
Doctors recommend good sleep hygiene. Easier said than done. Just not working for me. I have my own bipolar clock. In a perfect world, that would not be held against me.
I am able to stay successful because I have some flexibility in my job schedule. My husband wakes me up, and does so kindly. I take naps and sleep in on the weekends. So much for good sleep hygiene
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Pieces of Me
What is me, and what is "The Bipolar"?
Only my closest and dearest friends even know I am bipolar. I am darn good at pretending to be "normal". Years and years of practice! (I know when to hide)
Even I don't know who I am or what I am doing half the time. Most people just think I am a little bit quirky.
My husband is as solid and as stable as a rock. It is often by the look on his face that I am able to gage my current level of stability.
I try to define myself by the constants in my life. Although sometimes I think I can fly, I am not a bird. Although sometimes I want to hide my head in the sand, I am not an ostrich. I am a writer, a web designer, a researcher, a teacher, a wife, and a dreamer.
Who are you?
Only my closest and dearest friends even know I am bipolar. I am darn good at pretending to be "normal". Years and years of practice! (I know when to hide)
Even I don't know who I am or what I am doing half the time. Most people just think I am a little bit quirky.
My husband is as solid and as stable as a rock. It is often by the look on his face that I am able to gage my current level of stability.
I try to define myself by the constants in my life. Although sometimes I think I can fly, I am not a bird. Although sometimes I want to hide my head in the sand, I am not an ostrich. I am a writer, a web designer, a researcher, a teacher, a wife, and a dreamer.
Who are you?
My Promise
This is not another depressing website about being Bipolar. My promise to you is that I will focus on the positives of being bipolar.
This blog is about hope. Hope for me, and hope for everyone else who is bipolar. Tricks of the trade, if you may.
I am Bipolar and Successful! I have a job, a car, a husband, and a house. I take care of myself, do the best I can- and that is my definition of success.
Sometimes I throw myself a pity party. These pity parties sometimes last for a day, sometimes a month. But, when I am finally able to break out of my funk- I keep on swimming. I make amends, move on, and forgive myself.
This blog is about hope. Hope for me, and hope for everyone else who is bipolar. Tricks of the trade, if you may.
I am Bipolar and Successful! I have a job, a car, a husband, and a house. I take care of myself, do the best I can- and that is my definition of success.
Sometimes I throw myself a pity party. These pity parties sometimes last for a day, sometimes a month. But, when I am finally able to break out of my funk- I keep on swimming. I make amends, move on, and forgive myself.
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