It's funny how friends and family can hurt you the most. I'm lucky to have two people in my life, my husband and my mom, who I can completly trust. Until today, I thought I there were three. My closest female friend leaked out my deepest secrets to all our shared friends and acquaintances, not by accident, but only to be cruel-to punish me for a dissagreement I considered to be minor.
For whatever reason, I have trouble with close friendships, especially relationships with women. When people first meet me, they usually love me. Close friendships are different; I have serial best friendships. For whatever reason, friendships with women are more difficult for me than friendships with men.
There are only a few things I consider unforgivable - outright cruelty towards me or my loved ones and sleeping with my man come to mind. Often time the former occurs after the latter.
When family betrays you, it is difficult, but not impossible to swallow your pride, be the bigger person, and forgive. When friends do it, it is somehow harder. Maybe because you chose that person to be in your life, whereas with family others chose for you.
Perhaps my expectations of people are too high. I don't try to hurt people, especially the people I love, so I get surprised. I get hurt. I think heartache makes me a better and kinder person. When someone hurts me, I try harder to be good to others.
A psychology teacher once told us that people form close relationships with people who are as healthy, or as sick, as they are themselves. I'd like to think that I'm getting healthier every day, and that losing these friends is part of growing. At the same time, it makes me reluctant to have friendships and terrified to trust.
How about you? Are relationships difficult for you? If so, what makes it so hard and how do you get past the barriers?
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I am so sorry to hear you have lost a friend. It is never easy, is it? Over the course of my life I have pushed away many best friends but one has stayed with me. I even tried to push her away but she wouldn't completely let me go.
Turns out we are both bipolar. She and I have been bff for over 15 years now. I couldn't picture things without her.
Here's to hoping you either reconcile with your friend or find a new one. So sorry your secret was let out.
I have the same problems with women and relationships. if your psychology teacher is right than I am a sick individual. My best friend kills me. i had this odd feeling she was speaking about me behind my back. So much tension between us. One day I just wanted to see if my intuition was correct and I looked at her text with a mutual friend and saw her talking about me. things like "she drives me fucking up a wall. All I could think about was how I wanted to throw her out on the freeway. " I felt like puking because I am not the type of person to do this. And what was weirder is we barely fought that day. Maybe a couple disagreements but idk. I didn't get it? As if she is trying to get her outside friends against me. And obviously I couldn't tell her I saw what she said about me because well then she'd say "I'm fucking crazy for reading her text". There is nothing worse than truly trusting and loving a human being than coming to the realization I care about our friendship more than she does. And finding out she is not that good of a friend. She does things to punish me or something. I don't know. I don't know who I am supposed to be. Things weren't like this until she became my roommate. I live with her now too bc her boyfriend and her couldn't get along living together.. It's like she shifted all the chaos from her boyfriend relationship to me. ha, lucky me.. I had a bad omen though. It told me to run. But I love her. I'm bi so that doesn't help either.
I’ve recently been diagnosted bipolar II. I've always known something was wrong with me that I couldn't control. After almost 5 years of searching. I finally found a psychiatrist who had the balls to tell me and confirm what I already knew. He said to me that it was my high intelligence that saved me. I believe it's true. I´ve design little tricks to cope with things like getting obsessed with my weight. I made a pact with myself never to weight myself again. I haven't in 7 years, I just guide myself with how my clothes fit. I don't eat Mc Donalds and other pact, for 8 years now, note that I used to eat every meal. My mother is obese, but since I'm adopted I don't have the obesity tendency in my genes which made it easier to keep my weight, though I was raised with unhealthy habits. With drugs I drew the line at no sniffing no shooting anything in my vains. I liked weed, which I considered more natural, big lie!, so I could smoke like 5 joints a day. But I always had university and things to keep on going. I still struggle with weed. But I don't buy anymore (pact). Fortunately I've been able to keep my friends my whole life, I've known then since I was 5 years old, now I'm turning 30. They know now I'm bipolar, 1 of them have actually mentioned it to me 5 years ago, so I went looking for a diagnose I never got. After 2 years of treatment, my psicoanalist was against meds, said I wasn't bipolar. My father pasted away 11 years ago when I was 19 and that was when I first got a maniac episode that lasted for 2 years.Drugs, alcohol and sex. The first depression was in highschool when my boyfriend cheated on me. My world crambled. I was failing my first class ever, I was always popular and at the top of my class, note I wasn't the prettier nor the slimmer, but I had loving parents who told me they loved me every day and that I was capable of achieving I set my mind to. So it was cleared to me that if I was so inteligent why was I so unhappy. I struggled the most with having a steady relationship and for the past 10 years. I hadn't been able to be in a relationship longer than 10 months in a row. Till now. True love exists, I experience it with my friends, I have 2 super close friends who have listened to me begging to die, telling them I wanted to kill myself and still stayed next to me. I have verbally and fisically abused my mother and she has always stayed there for me. I blame her for many things, I'm still going to therapy, and being on meds for just 3 months. I have a boyfriend who loves me and it is the first time in 12 years I can say I completely trust him. I feel trully loved and respected. I found the psychiatrist who diagnost me just 4 months ago, I went to him because I knew I was about to throw out the window the business I've being building for the past 3 years. Life is an everyday choice for everyone. I've always chose life when the thoughts of suicide crossed my mind, and they have, so I have a tattoo in my wrist to remind me never to slice it. I believe there are only 2 things you cannot decide 4 yourself: 1) when you are born into this world 2) when you leave this world. That is up to God, the Universe, Buda, Ra or who you want to believe is out there. I've had a religious education, I believe but not in the institution of the church run by humans who make mistakes in the name of God. LOVE is the key. Believe! Trust! And take your meds, you can have a healthy and normal life with bipolar disorder.
PART 1/2 CONTINUES in the next Comment... Miss Tanzanden Stern
Wish you love and happiness. Bipolarity is not who u are. U have to face yourselves! Be honest with your doctors even if u think they are going to run away after they hear the horrible thoughts that cross your mind. I do keep this to my closest friends, just like being adopted. We all have our secrets. Normal those not exist. U give your life purpose & sense with your everyday choices. Be good to others, don't do to them what u don't want them to do to u. Read metaphisycs, don't watch the news, watch comedies, think of happy thoughts, when u are afraid or paranoid sing in your head. I've had panic attacks, I felt death coming for me, I walked the edge of crazyness and I’m still here. Keep healthy! I don't like sports but I love dancing and rollerblading. I love making people laugh and even when I was depressed I ‘d just laught about myself. Be absurd! Don't take yourself too seriously. To be or not to be Polar! U are a person with an illness with a cure. Demand answers! And smile! I run an art gallery, I manage artists, I work everyday. Even my "normal" friends hate their jobs at times & come to me for advice.Yes! They come to me as I go to them. This is my 2nd chance, I decide! If you don't, life will decide for u! U make your own destiny. I wish you all the best!
I'll keep you posted. Thank you Amy! Keep it up! I wish you health and happyness...
Miss Tanzenden Stern.
I never thought reading other people's stories would comfort me. I have very recently diagnosed with bipolar. I was actually happy to be diagnosed with something, because life, choices, feelings, everything was getting out of hand. I am a neuroscience student, so I suspected I was bipolar. I was right, anonymous I really enjoyed reading your comment. It made me smile and happy, I do believe that we have choices and life is what you make of it to be. Now that I know I am bipolar I do not have to ponder, I just have to do with what I have. Does anyone else feel special to be bipolar?
After all, a lot of wonderful, beautiful, brilliant people have dealt with it. It gives us a tendency to be more innately successful.
I wish you all the best of luck, I think we can do it :D
Hi Amy,
I face the same problem as you do. Throughout the bad times I have had the only people who stood by me are my parents and my two sisters. Friends are out the window at the first sign of difficulty. I am at a point where I dont believe in friendship anymore. I believe in sisterhood. My experience is just horrible with friends. Very few can be trusted and almost nobody will love you unconditionally and be there for you in your time of need except your family. Nowadays, I keep several friends just for company such as going to the movies,the gym or out in general. I don't let anyone get close enough to hurt me. The only people capable of doing that are my sisters and they never do. They are both there for me when I am depressed or when I am manic and they have learned how to deal with it without hurting my feelings or making me feel abnormal and for that I am blessed. I don't feel the need to have close friends, just distant ones. I can't say I have many (I moved countries so all my friends are back home and here it is not easy to make new ones with work and all) and it bothers me sometimes to see others with so many friends. Honestly, I believe it is all appearences. When push comes to shuve, they will dissapear. Nowadays, if you have two or 3 people in your life who really care for you, trust me, you are blesssed and you are!
Hey guys, just came across this website through google, and was wondering what the signs are that you may be bipolar? thanks
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