Bipolar- is anybody REALLY successful?

Hello! I haven't been doing a very good job keeping up with my blog lately because I have been very busy!  My husband and I started a small business several years ago, and it has really taken off.  When we first started the business, I was also working a full time job and taking classes in computer programming.  I had a lot going on.   I can usually pull off three full years in a high stress job where I am expected to be on all the time. There came a point in time where I was feeling really overwhelmed, and I let go of the outside job and started focusing on our business and school.  It wasn't easy, and caused quite a bit of financial strain.

I finished the certificate in computer programming (added onto my BA degree).    The business got strong enough to provide enough income for both me and husband after I started writing custom software for home health companies.  Right now we are doing amazing!  We have actually hired our first full time employee. 

My life has not turned out how I planned. My career path has zig-zagged all over the place.  I have been a public school teacher, then a case worker, and now I am part owner of a business.  The key to my success is probably finding ways to take time off and  give myself a chance to slow down when  I need to. I know when I need some time off, and if I ignore the signs, I will have a breakdown. The longer I ignore it, the longer the breakdown.  A breakdown hurts you career much worse than a little down time or gaps in employment (in which you can creatively explain).

In the meantime, I've been getting some very interesting comments on my blog posts.  Someone questioned if I really was successful, and for a moment, I wondered that myself.  My life is sometimes a mess, but I sure have accomplished a lot!  Someone else said I was "too functional", and suggested I was not bipolar at all.  I assure you I AM!  There has been quite a debate on my topic "To have or Not Have Children."  I encourage you to read the comments on that post.  I really enjoy every comment, and I love the discussions we have.  My followers have really helped me stay strong. 

I would like to share one person's post, which I think is amazing. I call it, "What is Success?" The poster talks about everything he/she has accomplished, yet wonders if that really is success.    I think this is a very important topic and I would love to hear your stories.    
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Anonymous has left a new comment on your post
 
Hi there,
 
This post and these comments are exactly what I'm struggling with at the moment. I had my dream job and then things got weird a couple years ago. I have now been diagnosed with BP1 and have been in and out of hospital (for delusions, manic behaviour, etc). I had to disclose to my boss that something was wrong because I was acting very out of character (not the way one is to speak/act around their boss). They had decided to do a performance review after a few of my outbursts but the only thing that saved me was that I'd already begun the search for a good psych who by the time I saw him immediately had me admitted to hospital. (the company couldn't fire me for needing to go to hospital)
 
I have a business degree from one of the top uni's in the country and am about to embark on an MBA. I was made redundant about a year after things got weird at my dream job which sent me into a bit of a tizz. I'm very career orientated and haven't been able to get much luck finding a job since. So I've gone back to hospitality for a while to at least get money in. I feel that if I do an MBA I can say that was why there's a gap in my CV (it is actually due to my psychiatrist telling me to not work as I was teetering upon another episode with a bunch of other major triggers happening at the same time...).
 
As far as success stories go, I think you're right, ppl are in the closet or don't know if they'd consider themselves successful. It would depend how you would define success. Like as Amy mentioned, you may find more ppl saying they've been successful at the end of their professional careers (if they chose to retire for example, rather than going off the charts and losing their jobs).
 
I went to a group for ppl with BP and met a man in his late 50s, has rapid cycling BP for about 10 years, and found out that he needed to shape his career to be in a position to be the boss. That way he was less likely to get irritable at his superiors (as he said he said he spend 70 percent of his time apologising for inappropriate behaviour spurned by his BP). I thought that was a fantastic way to manage his career around his illness, to ensure his success (he is the owner of several successful businesses).
 
I guess we've got to trust in our abilities (something i'm struggling with now that I no longer have that 'dream job' and I was diagnosed and lost the job just under a year after being diagnosed) and build a career that allows you to escape to your office if you need to use meditation techniques to distress, or work to your own hours or be autonomous or whatever it is that will less likely to trigger you.
 
Hopefully I'll be able to join you in that secret bipolar and successful club, and maybe we won't have to be so secretive about it then.
 
Best of luck.
 
Posted by Anonymous to Bipolar And Successful at March 5, 2013 at 11:46 PM

Bipolar and Successful, Quit Smoking

I read that something like 70 percent of people with Bipolar Disorder and 90 percent of people with Schizophrenia smoke, whereas smokers in the general population are closer to 20 percent. Smoking is ridiculously expensive and it's slowly killing you. Cigarettes kill more people than all other drugs combined.

Everyone has their own reasons for smoking. I always said, "I enjoy it too much to quit." I didn't only enjoy it, I loved it. I had to go back to Behavior Therapy 101, "What's Rewarding the Behavior?" I realized that my primary motivation for smoking was to feel relaxed. I enjoyed sitting down, taking a break, and deep breathing.

When I did decide to quit, I felt physically ill. I was nauseous, got terrible headaches, was irritable, and my anxiety skyrocketed. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was terribly addicted to cigarettes. The physical symptoms only lasted a few days; the psychological urges lasted much longer.
Something that really helped me at first was to take fake cigarette breaks. I'd go hide out and "pretend smoke" for five minutes. My pretend smoke break involved me taking a break, sitting down, and deep breathing for five minutes.

To stay quit long term, I started spending my smoking money on travel because that's something I really love. My husband and I were spending about $300 per month on cigarettes, and we both quit at the same time. I was having a much harder time staying quit than he did, so he finally suggested that we take the money we would spend on cigarettes every money and spend it on travel. It was money up in smoke anyways. Weekend at the beach or cigarette? I learned to love our romantic getaways and it still keeps me motivated. It's a tradition that we have kept.

On my journey, I found a website that not only convinced me to quit, but also had every possible solution to quitting - http://whyquit.com . Trust me, it's an awesome website if you think you might want to quit. No advice I can give you will compare to the advice and support you will find on that website.

Has anyone else with bipolar quit smoking? What helped you?

Bipolar and Successful, Remember Your Value

As a person with bipolar disorder, I often sabotage excellent opportunities. Most bothersome to me is that I quit good jobs. I've made some terrible choices, and my behavior hasn't always been reputable. The mistakes I've made sometimes lead me to feel worthless.

On my better days, I think about how much I have accomplished. I think about the skills I have that give me an edge. I have a bachelors degree, an active teaching certificate, and now a computer programmers certificate. My husband and I own a thriving small business, and he says he couldn't do it without me. Life is good. My friends who are not bipolar are jealous because most of them hate their jobs, and I love what I do.

If it were not for my bipolar disorder, I would still be teaching. I'm sure I would have gotten comfortable in a secure job and stayed there until retirement. I'm much happier owning a business than I ever was teaching, but it wasn't my original life plan.

It has been one heck of a bumpy ride. There have been times I've been dirt poor because of the choices I've made, but despite the glitches, my true value as a person can never be destroyed. I've had many jobs, and from every opportunity, I've taken something with me. I've learned something valuable from every job. The experience and skills transfer to current and future opportunities.

I suggest that you keep a list of everything about you that is wonderful because I guarantee you will forget those things the next time you get depressed. Add to that list whenever you can, and share it with the people you love and trust the most. Tell them that when you get depressed, you often forget your self-worth.

Also, if you have a good job, put some sort of disaster plan in place in case you get sick. You might. I quit my first professional job because I fell into a major depression and simply couldn't function. It was my first major depression, and nobody knew what to do. A good option for me at that time would have been taking a Family Medical Leave, but when it's mental illness nobody tells you.

It was difficult professionally to recover after I left that teaching position some 15 years ago, but I did it and over the years I've had some really awesome jobs. The journey has been bittersweet.

What do you do to prevent yourself from feeling worthless in hard times or when depressed?

Getting Medications Can Be Tricky When You Don't Look Crazy, Bipolar

You can't look at me and tell that I have bipolar disorder. I look just like everyone else. I take the time to fix my hair, clothes, and makeup before I leave the house (If I can't I just don't leave the house). I smile at everyone I meet. I try to make sure that everyone I run into has just a little bit better day than they would have had without me, or at least that their day is not worse because of me. For the most part, I pull that off.

That's probably the reason it took so long before I got treatment for bipolar disorder. I started complaining to doctors that I felt depressed in my teen years, describing my symptoms with a smile on my face, but it wasn't until I begged for help at the age of 25 that I got help. Even after that, it took years before I was on the path to the right treatment. I was misdiagnosed with depression, and given antidepressants which made me feel wonderful until they fizzed out and I spiraled into the worst breakdown of my life. I'm so good at looking like everything is ok that when I say I'm not ok, I'm often not heard.

I have learned how to put on this public mask in order to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible. It's so automatic to pretend that everything is ok, that I think my mask is more believable than the layers underneath. When it comes to love, family, work, and just plain living life, this works beautifully, but when it's time for treatment, it's an issue. I believe that doctors delay treatment or undertreat because they simply do not believe me.

Is this an issue for anyone else? I'd love to hear your stories.

Bipolar and Stigma

I was thinking today about how absolutely uneducated people are about bipolar disorder. The general thinking seems to be that all bipolar people are off their rocker, evil, batshit crazy, AND they are like that all the time. Honestly people, we all have our off days, but those of us with bipolar disorder are not that much different than everybody else. You don't have to be afraid.

It's no wonder that when newly diagnosed with bipolar, a person will either deny it is true or accept it as a death sentence. It is no wonder that people go on for years without treatment, or even worse are fed antidepressants, because their primary doctor doesn't think they are bad enough to be labeled as bipolar and delays referring them to a Psychiatrist. You don't have to be afraid of bipolar. What is scary though is the stigma attached to it.

When in a depressed state, us "Bipolars" are usually no bother because we are curled up in bed hoping the depression will pass or searching on the internet for a new cure. When manic, we are actually pretty fun- out spending money, traveling, coming up with new business ventures (my best work is created while hypomanic). The mixed states are not pleasant, we get a little bitchy and impulsive. I don't have to tell you this though, this is what you already know about bipolar. What you probably don't know though is that 95 percent of the time, as long as we are following our treatment plan, we are "normal"?

Many successful business people struggle with bipolar disorder, but when you picture "bipolar" you don't picture a successful person. You picture somebody who looks crazy. You don't know the successful bipolar people because they don't want to be known by their mental illness. They want to be known by who they are and by what they accomplish. The only bipolar people you THINK you know are the ones that end up on the news because they left the home today wearing nothing but their tennis shoes and decided to stomp on some guy's car windshield or committed some similar crime. Am I right?

We all have a long way to go in reducing and stamping out stigma. Don't let the media, the internet, your friends, or anybody else scare you. Bipolar is not that scary. You can still be successful.

Bipolar, to have or not to have children...

To have or not to have children when you are bipolar, that is the question. I get the most amazing and thoughtful comments on this blog, and here is one that really hit home, since my own biological clock is at the buzzer. My reader wrote, "My boyfriend is bipolar. He thinks the stress of children will be too much for him and that he won't be a very good parent. I just wish there were bipolar parents he could speak to. I know he would be an amazing father, and it saddens me that we may not have the family we dreamed of." Considering how much this reader wants children, I hope they really consider it. People who want children make super parents.

I don't have any children, and I worry that someday I will regret that. For me, It's just as much a personality issue as it is a bipolar issue. I'm not as interested in children as I "should" be. I don't have that maternal instinct that I "should" have. I always thought I would outgrow that, but I never really have.

My experience leads me to believe that people with bipolar can be the very best or the very worst of parents. When the children are wanted, and the support system is strong, people with bipolar are often the most amazing parents. It's when the children were never really wanted, and/or the bipolar parent doesn't have the tools (support system, medications, desire) to cope, that parenting can turn into a disaster.

My grandfather was almost certainly bipolar, and he made some mistakes that left deep scars on his children. He was raising his ten children in the 50's and 60's and the medications and treatments that are available today were not available to him. He self medicated with alcohol, probably the worst way he could treat his bipolar. That said, most of his children are happy and doing very well today. About half struggle with bipolar or depression or varying seriousness, but most are doing well. He probably could have been a great father, but he was not. I blame alcohol, not bipolar.

There are some risks for people with bipolar when having children.. The most significant that comes to mind is the risk of passing bipolar on to offspring, which may or may not be a terrible thing- it depends on how you look at it. The other is the risk of a serious manic or depressive episode if the mother has to adjust medications while pregnant.

So, to have or not to have children when bipolar? I think if you want children you should most certainly have them. If you are worried about the
chance of passing on bipolar to your child, you can adopt. If you take care of yourself and have a strong support system, the odds are with you to be the most amazing parent. Don't rule out children just because you are bipolar. They just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Bipolar and Successful Support Group

It is extremely difficult to find people who suffer from bipolar disorder, are successful, and are also willing to talk about it. Those of us who enjoy success usually keep mental illness a secret to all but the closest of friends. Although our loved ones try to support us, there is nothing like the support of others who share this illness- it is especially wonderful to connect with people who have found ways to cope.

There are support groups out there, but they often attract people who are not coping well or not coping at all. Support groups often focus on the worst of mental illness, and rarely on success. You rarely hear about people who are bipolar and successful. We know they are out there, but how do we find them? Image my surprise when I found a local meeting for business professionals who have a mental illness. I just learned about this group and attended my first meeting tonight. What a wonderful and inspiring group!

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness runs my group. You can contact your local NAMI and find out if they have a group like this near you. If they don't, they may be willing to start one. Is anyone else involved in something like this? If so, I'd love to hear about it.