If you have cancer, heart disease, or just about any "real" medical problem, people treat you with kindness, and that kindness helps you get well. Friends and family will sit by your bedside and hold your hand as you recover. Even a stroke or a brain injury that causes significant long term mental impairment is tolerated. Not so when you are sick with a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, instead people can be rather cruel. "Snap out of it!" people will say, "It's all in your head." That isn't kind, and it doesn't help.
There is no need to reward me for my bad behavior. If I'm off my rocker today, then by all means, let me know. But, if you want me to get better, a little kindness in your voice goes a long way. It is easy to forget that each of us has the ability to make a difference in the lives of others. Sometimes a smile, a compliment, or some words of encouragement can make a significant difference.
It's easy, even for professionals that are paid to help us, to feel disdain towards us when treatments fail and symptoms return. Rest assured that we do not want to be sick. Gently remind us of the current reality if we have lost site. Your words, and your tone of voice are important.
Not everyone with bipolar disorder will be successful, but I think everyone has the potential to get better. Getting better is a choice, made not only by the person with bipolar, but by their support system as well. How much are you willing to do?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Bipolar Disorder, Trusting Your Emotions
Considering that Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder, how do we learn to trust our emotions? All to often, we are too happy or too sad. We are accused or being melodramatic or hypersensitive or "just off". And maybe we are all of those things. We live in an unforgiving world, a world where our social mistakes can have huge consequences. How do we learn to differentiate between acceptable emotions and those brought on by our mood disorder?
I've learned to read people's faces, their body language, the subtle signs. When people smile, I assume it's safe to smile back. When they laugh, I assume it's ok to laugh. I use extreme caution when displaying emotion, especially at work. I'm never the first person to bring up a problem. What if I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm never the first person to laugh at a joke. What if the joke is not all that funny. I keep so much inside.
But sometimes I just have to be me and let those emotions fly. I know it's safe to cry in front of my husband. I know I can call my mom if I need to talk. I wish I could trust my emotions, but I'm not there yet. I use extreme emotional restraint, especially at work. I'm somewhat cautious around friends and relatives. I'm starting to take more chances when I blog. I have a few good friends who help keep me in check. It takes real effort not to fall off the deep end, or to fly off the deep end.
I see the world in a really amazing way. I understand emotions in a way that most people can't. This makes me a wonderful listener and a wonderful friend. I can empathize better than Ophra. I know how you feel by the look on your face, and all to often I can feel your pain. I think this gift is something most people with bipolar disorder share. But it is as much of a curse as it is a gift because it makes us different.
Are we hypersensitive, or do we just see the world as it really is? Whatever the answer may be, in order to be bipolar and successful, we must sometimes pretend to see the world as the other 99 percent see it.
I've learned to read people's faces, their body language, the subtle signs. When people smile, I assume it's safe to smile back. When they laugh, I assume it's ok to laugh. I use extreme caution when displaying emotion, especially at work. I'm never the first person to bring up a problem. What if I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm never the first person to laugh at a joke. What if the joke is not all that funny. I keep so much inside.
But sometimes I just have to be me and let those emotions fly. I know it's safe to cry in front of my husband. I know I can call my mom if I need to talk. I wish I could trust my emotions, but I'm not there yet. I use extreme emotional restraint, especially at work. I'm somewhat cautious around friends and relatives. I'm starting to take more chances when I blog. I have a few good friends who help keep me in check. It takes real effort not to fall off the deep end, or to fly off the deep end.
I see the world in a really amazing way. I understand emotions in a way that most people can't. This makes me a wonderful listener and a wonderful friend. I can empathize better than Ophra. I know how you feel by the look on your face, and all to often I can feel your pain. I think this gift is something most people with bipolar disorder share. But it is as much of a curse as it is a gift because it makes us different.
Are we hypersensitive, or do we just see the world as it really is? Whatever the answer may be, in order to be bipolar and successful, we must sometimes pretend to see the world as the other 99 percent see it.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Bipolar Depression, Recovery
You know when you can sing again, when you can feel sunshine on your face again, when the color comes back into your life- the depression is starting to break. What a relief it is to be able to feel again.
When your compassion returns, when you can write again, when you can tie your hiking boots- these are all signs that you are out of the woods. When you can remember what you did yesterday and the fog leaves your mind, when you can hold your chin up high again- it sinks in, you're getting better.
When you don't have to fake a smile and you finally put some effort into making others smile as well, when it doesn't annoy you to hear laughter, when every muscle in your body doesn't hurt- you are well on your road to recovering from bipolar depression.
You could always take this opportunity to jump head first into a "normal" life, but let's face it, your life will never be normal. Remember who you are. You now have the energy to make yourself strong again, so do things that will keep you strong. Eat well, exercise, rebuild your support system, strengthen your safety net, rethink your budget. Start a blog that reminds you how to smile, and share that blog with me, sometimes I forget how to smile too.
Resist the urge to get cocky. Be careful not to embrace mania. Faithfully take your medications, if that's what helps. Think about what helped to break your depression? Remember it. Add it to your bag of tricks. For most of us, the Bipolar journey is ongoing.
When your compassion returns, when you can write again, when you can tie your hiking boots- these are all signs that you are out of the woods. When you can remember what you did yesterday and the fog leaves your mind, when you can hold your chin up high again- it sinks in, you're getting better.
When you don't have to fake a smile and you finally put some effort into making others smile as well, when it doesn't annoy you to hear laughter, when every muscle in your body doesn't hurt- you are well on your road to recovering from bipolar depression.
You could always take this opportunity to jump head first into a "normal" life, but let's face it, your life will never be normal. Remember who you are. You now have the energy to make yourself strong again, so do things that will keep you strong. Eat well, exercise, rebuild your support system, strengthen your safety net, rethink your budget. Start a blog that reminds you how to smile, and share that blog with me, sometimes I forget how to smile too.
Resist the urge to get cocky. Be careful not to embrace mania. Faithfully take your medications, if that's what helps. Think about what helped to break your depression? Remember it. Add it to your bag of tricks. For most of us, the Bipolar journey is ongoing.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Should I Stay With Someone Who is Bipolar?
So, you're involved with someone who is bipolar. Should you stay with that person? Maybe not. If that person makes you unhappy- No. If you are staying with him out of pity- No. If you are hoping that someday he will be "normal"- No. If you don't love this person with all of your heart- don't stay.
Why should the rules of love change just because one partner is bipolar? I've been dumped dozens of times, and looking back, each of my x's did me a favor. Not because they were bad guys and not worthy of my time, just the opposite. Most were good guys who did not want to deal with the black cloud of bipolar hanging over the relationship. Can you blame them?
My rocky relationships forced me to work on myself. Eventually I met my match, someone who loved me despite my faults. I met a man who learned how to turn his head when bipolar Amy was speaking, and patiently waited for the more rational Amy to return. Our relationship is not based on drama, pity, or unrealistic hope.
Why should the rules of love change just because one partner is bipolar? I've been dumped dozens of times, and looking back, each of my x's did me a favor. Not because they were bad guys and not worthy of my time, just the opposite. Most were good guys who did not want to deal with the black cloud of bipolar hanging over the relationship. Can you blame them?
My rocky relationships forced me to work on myself. Eventually I met my match, someone who loved me despite my faults. I met a man who learned how to turn his head when bipolar Amy was speaking, and patiently waited for the more rational Amy to return. Our relationship is not based on drama, pity, or unrealistic hope.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Bipolar, My Thoughts About Medications
Did you know that most medications for bipolar disorder where stumbled upon by accident? Many were created for seizure disorder, and they accidentally discovered that they worked for bipolar as well. Even Lithium was first used to treat gout, not bipolar. Medical science still doesn't know how or why most of these bipolar medications work. So why should doctors be surprised when our medications don't work?
Has anyone stopped to consider that we are attempting to treat two conflicting conditions, depression and mania, that do not occur at the same time? Just as diabetes has extremes in blood sugar level, bipolars deal with extremes in mood and energy. Is it logical to think the same same drug should work to treat both mania and depression?
I don't know enough about pharmacy to comment much further on this topic. I still have hope that bipolar medications will someday evolve into more than just hit or miss treatments.
Has anyone stopped to consider that we are attempting to treat two conflicting conditions, depression and mania, that do not occur at the same time? Just as diabetes has extremes in blood sugar level, bipolars deal with extremes in mood and energy. Is it logical to think the same same drug should work to treat both mania and depression?
I don't know enough about pharmacy to comment much further on this topic. I still have hope that bipolar medications will someday evolve into more than just hit or miss treatments.
Bipolar, We Each Have Our Own Journey
I've spent most of my life searching for the cure to bipolar. At first I thought my lot in life was to blame. Then I found a good man, a good job, and a good home, but I still struggled with mood swings. For years, I hoped it would be as easy as finding the magic pill. There are a lot of wonderful medications out there, but medications alone are not the cure. I'm still on my own journey, but I think a healthy lifestyle, a loving support system, and a good psychiatrist are key to bipolar success.
The bipolar journey is a bumpy ride.
The bipolar journey is a bumpy ride.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Bipolar, Build a Safety Net
Everytime I'm put on a new medication and it works, I think "I'm Cured!". I should know better by now, I've been battling bipolar mood swings for 25 years. It's been ten years since my last major breakdown, one so severe I could not work for months. Yet, there have still been many bumps along the way. It was blind luck that prevented me from losing my home during my last major bout of depression. Somehow I managed to get unemployment, and a kind neighbor became my friend.
Hopefully you will never have a complete breakdown. Hopefully, You will never become too ill to work. The government won't step in to help you until you've lost everything, trust me I've seen it first hand. Build some sort of safety net for yourself. Create a "What If" plan.
As for me, I try to pay my major bills at least three months in advance. Although I'm doing well and can afford more, I keep my liabilities modest. Friends who earn less, own more. But, I can not risk living paycheck to paycheck.
Some promotions I've passed by. I know my limits. When I'm doing well, I work to expand and improve my skills instead.
When living with bipolar, it's best to play it safe. I've watched my bipolar friends thrive and then fall. I chose to stay away from the ledge.
Some of my bipolar friends have given up. They are afraid to try at all. They say it's easier to collect disability. I understand that seems to be playing it safe. But, it's important to stay competitive and know how to provide for yourself. What the government gives, they can take away, and I've seen that first hand as well.
I know it seems that you have to try three times harder than anyone else. In many ways, you do. Despite these challengeges, you can build a happy and comforable life for yourself.
Hopefully you will never have a complete breakdown. Hopefully, You will never become too ill to work. The government won't step in to help you until you've lost everything, trust me I've seen it first hand. Build some sort of safety net for yourself. Create a "What If" plan.
As for me, I try to pay my major bills at least three months in advance. Although I'm doing well and can afford more, I keep my liabilities modest. Friends who earn less, own more. But, I can not risk living paycheck to paycheck.
Some promotions I've passed by. I know my limits. When I'm doing well, I work to expand and improve my skills instead.
When living with bipolar, it's best to play it safe. I've watched my bipolar friends thrive and then fall. I chose to stay away from the ledge.
Some of my bipolar friends have given up. They are afraid to try at all. They say it's easier to collect disability. I understand that seems to be playing it safe. But, it's important to stay competitive and know how to provide for yourself. What the government gives, they can take away, and I've seen that first hand as well.
I know it seems that you have to try three times harder than anyone else. In many ways, you do. Despite these challengeges, you can build a happy and comforable life for yourself.
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