As a person with bipolar disorder, I often sabotage excellent opportunities. Most bothersome to me is that I quit good jobs. I've made some terrible choices, and my behavior hasn't always been reputable. The mistakes I've made sometimes lead me to feel worthless.
On my better days, I think about how much I have accomplished. I think about the skills I have that give me an edge. I have a bachelors degree, an active teaching certificate, and now a computer programmers certificate. My husband and I own a thriving small business, and he says he couldn't do it without me. Life is good. My friends who are not bipolar are jealous because most of them hate their jobs, and I love what I do.
If it were not for my bipolar disorder, I would still be teaching. I'm sure I would have gotten comfortable in a secure job and stayed there until retirement. I'm much happier owning a business than I ever was teaching, but it wasn't my original life plan.
It has been one heck of a bumpy ride. There have been times I've been dirt poor because of the choices I've made, but despite the glitches, my true value as a person can never be destroyed. I've had many jobs, and from every opportunity, I've taken something with me. I've learned something valuable from every job. The experience and skills transfer to current and future opportunities.
I suggest that you keep a list of everything about you that is wonderful because I guarantee you will forget those things the next time you get depressed. Add to that list whenever you can, and share it with the people you love and trust the most. Tell them that when you get depressed, you often forget your self-worth.
Also, if you have a good job, put some sort of disaster plan in place in case you get sick. You might. I quit my first professional job because I fell into a major depression and simply couldn't function. It was my first major depression, and nobody knew what to do. A good option for me at that time would have been taking a Family Medical Leave, but when it's mental illness nobody tells you.
It was difficult professionally to recover after I left that teaching position some 15 years ago, but I did it and over the years I've had some really awesome jobs. The journey has been bittersweet.
What do you do to prevent yourself from feeling worthless in hard times or when depressed?
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8 comments:
Amy, I am writing a magazine story about how to cope with bipolar when it comes to being in the workforce, making choices about jobs, and dealing with the challenges of bipolar and work. I'd welcome hearing more about what you've learned. Could I talk to you by phone (within the next week) about your experience? --Chris Swingle, chris@chrisswingle.com, (585) 204-0608 (Rochester, NY)
Chris,
You're welcome to copy anything you find useful in this blog. I'd love to see the story when you are finished, so please post!
Amy is my pen name; at this time I've decided to stay anonymous.
Wow I finally feel some support these blogs are like my mirror. Im an entreperneur with 14 companies under my belt. Non of which have stuck eventho they were making 100's of thousands some even reached 1 mil in revenue. But they were just jobs I created and couldnt keep.
Keeping a household and their priorities has been my ultimate challenge I lost my wife due to this. Out of the 14 houses and 14 moves money for mortgage came and gone about 50 times a month, but I always found myself on the 30th day struggling to make priority bills.
Decisions were always selfish without control just to try and fulfill my emptyness if only for a day or an hour. I thank God my vise has never been drugs or alcohol, but when you foolishly and constantly make sabataging decisions this can tire a sibling and ware a family down. I keep pushing every day and pray for no emotional breakdowns. A structure is better for me and hope I have the strenght to execute the day!
Hello Amy, I'm in middle 20's,a very positive person with big hopes and dreams,a people person,friendly and easy to be with.. Yet I gone through major career shifts...corporate to teaching to business while taking law studies.and failed relationships...lately I feel I'm getting irritated often and frequent moodswings ...then I started to mind about bipolar disorder,reading articles until I bumped into ur site..I wish to learn a lot from u,,since I am scared to go for treatment,I'm Thinking that if I really have the disorder I will just treat and be mindful of the symptoms my own..do u think it would be wise wise?:)
I agree this site and your members are like a mirror and finally. I have a number of failed businesses under my belt, two are still functioning one is a million dollar company the other just expanded but is still new. Yet I don't have money to pay bills. I have moved more times that I would care to admit, one family member called me a nomad, lol. I just got a second chance at love after blowing it the first time due to my illness, yet I did the same exact thing to run this one away. All because at 37 I still refuse to let people know my dark secret, I am bipolar. I always tell people I act manic because I suffer from anxiety. I've been called a self-saboteur by my bff. I'm close to finishing my MBA but every week I'm waiting until the very last second to do my work.
Roger here, fantastic to see you put words on all the things I have experienced. I had fantastic jobs and just walked out of the door. I could not understand my problem until I got the diagnosis.
Hi, I am diagnosed bp 2 about 2 years ago. I hve also job hopped since my 1st job, not keeping a job for longer tah a year. Out of boredome( and stupidity I guess). I also had a few businesses which also failed. Now I am trying do some research as I reaaaaallllLyyyy want to start a business that suceeds this time. It seems like the freelance thing works well with bi polar and as I am a make up artist, I am thinking of perhapstry and make that work for me. Any tips, hints or advice would be appreciated. Yvonne.nails780702@gmail.com
Hi,
I make self-sabotaging decisions all the time, and, clearly, this doesn't help my self worth. I like your idea of making a list of things I like about myself - I'll definitely use it!
To maintain my self worth I will usually ask people in my life to tell me what's good about me. This doesn't feel vain because I'm usually coming from a place where I literally can't find anything to put on that list.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
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