Those of us who are bipolar tend to be a little hard on ourselves. Not only do we have trouble with mood, but also with judgement. So, when we make a life changing decsion, we run through it in our mind a thousand times. Learn to let go. If you've made a decision, if you've quit a job or ended a relationship, don't dwell on it. Life is full of trial and error. Some decisions are good, others are bad, but how will we learn if we don't allow ourselves some room for mistakes.
Life is also full of second chances. Unless you commited a perminent act, such as murder, you can almost always go back and try again. More often than not though, going back is a mistake. I've stormed out of jobs, and regretted it. I've broken engagements with men I thought I loved. I've gone back, often years later to try to patch these relationships and try again. In a clear light and with stable mood, I saw that I had moved on, that those relationships were not right for me anymore. So, let go of regrets.
Our intense moods give us a bit of an advantage over stable people. We see things in full color, especially when we are depressed. If something looks good when we are depressed, then you betcha it's going to look fantastic when we are feeling fine. So give yourself a little credit. Forgive yourself. You are exactly where you are in life for a reason. You're life might be a bit of a bipolar roller coaster ride, but nobody can say that you didn't live it to the fullest.
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13 comments:
thank you...this post really did mean something to me.
Wow what a great message! I think the hardest thing about Bipolar is the shame associated to "episodes" and letting go of it all must be so liberating. I'll keep trying...
Dear Pink & Anonymous-
Thanks for the feedback.
;)
Letting go and forgiving ourselves really can be tough, but we are worth it. Marilyn Monroe said it best, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
It means something to me too.
Thank you Amy.
Miss Tanzenden Stern
*My nick name is from a Nietzsche's quote that says "You need to have kaos inside to be able to give birth to a dancing start".
Go go Marilyn!
Learn to 'let go'. REALLY? And that works for you? Obviously we're on two separate levels of bipolar because on my level if I let go bad things start to happen. I spend every waking minute of my pathetic fucking life fighting myself to stay stable.
Gee, let's look at the following things I deal with on a daily basis, where 'letting go' would put me farther down the path of 'loser' that I inevitably gravitate toward because I can not do a thing about it (have been trying for years):
1) VERY difficult time trying to retrieve memories, information.
2) VERY difficult time learning
3) Can not multi-task.
4) Can not plan whatsoever. Live life as my mood dictates, in the moment.
5) Uncontrollable rage
6) Uncontrollable depression
7) Uncontrollable, constant suicidal thoughts.
I could continue but I think there's a character limit on this post.
Bipolar is not a conscious choice like so many make it out to be. This isn't a 'my girlfriend dumped me and I have nothing to live for' type of problem. It is NOT cognitive, but biochemical.
I don't know how you could possibly live with bipolar and 'let go', since if you really and truly had it you wouldn't be able to function in society and would probably end up killing yourself because of the pain and misery you would go through on a daily basis.
Go get re-diagnosed because we are obviously in two different realms. Letting go is impossible.
P.S. I often tell people who ask about my condition (which is rarely anyone since I can't maintain relationships) that it's like having the flu. You lay there in complete hell and can't physically do anything because YOU CAN'T DO IT, AND IT'S OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.
Bipolar is like that, except in my head. I spend 90% of my mental energy fighting myself and only have 10% left to use in the world. Imagine a person 10 times dumber than the average person. It doesn't work out.
The only thing carrying me right now is my 'genius' that I acquired as a child prodigy, which now is stripped from me. I can't progress in any area of life. What a fucking waste of potential. FUCK God, if he exists, for putting me through this hell.
Anonymous,
By letting go, I mean move on and forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. You can't change the past. You can only focus on the here and now.
The medications I take control the depression, rage, and sucicidal thoughts- most of the time. With the biochemical issues at bay, I'm able to further my recovery by controlling my lifestyle, environment, etc.
I've been where you are. I know it's not a choice. I know you can't talk yourself out of depression. You can beat this thing, but your right, you need to get to the root of the depression, and that is biochemical. I am a strong believer in using medication for bipolar. Make it your quest to find a good doctor.
Hi Amy,
It's the asshole from above. I wanted to apologize for posting that, and if I could take it down I would. My mood got the better of me and it seemed like a great idea at the time to tell the world how much I hate it and everyone in it. Very logical looking back at it!
Hope you are doing well.
:)
David
Hi.... finding this blog so interesting :p Its so good to see all these posts and people at their worst / best as it is the reality of the illness. It is so true that it is the most uncontrollable thing and especially if you have a conscience and are aware of your actions as much as possible it is difficult not to 'beat your self up'. I have spent years doing it and am just guilty all the time. Like why would i do that.... what was i thinking.... im a bad person. The letting go is so important because it will only make you a better person and help others understand you. I like your view on medication and finding the right mix.
Where is the 'like' button?? :] Spot on Amy! I stumbled across this site and the words you say to describe how we are feeling is so true. To staying positve everyone!!! :)) _Sarah
This is what I needed to hear! I often feel obsessed, I beat myself up over my failures and dwell on them constantly. trying hard to stop this
Great post!
I wish I could let go but my mind constantly remind me of my mistakes and failures. Some of those failures happened more than 24 years ago and I still feel an unbereable shame.
Bipolar sucks :( its so crippling at times
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