In my quest for stability, I sometimes forget, that not every day will be a good day.
I didn't know that I had bipolar disorder until I was in my twenties. Years of emotional ups and downs have taught me to fear the downs.
The dilemma we face is control. We are as much terrified by happiness, as we are by sadness. But, we try much harder to stop the sadness. With bipolar, we can not predict how far our mood will fall off course, and that is a very, very frightening realization.
Those of us who are successful and bipolar, are only successful because we continue to play an active role in our treatment. Bipolar disorder never goes away. For the most part you can control it, but it is with you every second of every day.
I cope with my bipolar first with medications, next with understanding the disorder, then with self knowledge, and last with help from others - such as friends, family, and my therapist. Every successful bipolar has their own preferred method to control the madness.
My so-called normal friends yell, cry, lash out, and complain- all seemingly with no remorse. I,however, try ridiculously hard to smother any negative emotions- perhaps too hard.
I admit tonight I'm feeling blue, but tonight I need to let myself embrace the sadness.
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3 comments:
Excellent point to be made and heard by as many individuals as possible! No, not every day can be a good day. As a spouse of a loved one with bipolar, it is important for me to remind myself of this as well. Allow some breathing room...
A very good point! One of the things it took me a long time to realize was, "what you resists, persists." While it might sound counter-productive to (periodically) give in to your depression, I find it is better sometimes to give in to it rather than go through all of the anger, frustration, disappointment, etc., that goes along with trying to fight it. I also find that those dark days pass much more quickly if I don't try to force myself to be "up." Here's hoping today is a good day. Marco
Dear Amy,
Thank you for starting this blog. I have read pretty much all of your blog postings. I was dating a guy who has bipolar disorder, he is in denial and refuses treatment. I really love him but unfortunately, the relationship didn't even survive 2 arguments (over nothing). I came across your blog when i typed "bipolar self taught programmer" on google. I have been trying to understand how it is that he is so intelligent (self taught programmer), yet he would struggle to not get irritated over certain things. I once said the words "silly boy" as a term of endearment, and he flipped out. I couldn't get him to understand that i meant it as a term of endearment. His conditions might actually be more severe, as he refused to go to school at 16, and pretty much stayed at home with parents for 16 years...but somehow managed to learn programming & chess on his own. I actually think that's really impressive. He felt that his parents don't love him because he thinks that it's his parents' fault that they "let me rot for 16 years". Which is unfortunate, because i think they really do love him very much. I guess i do hope he will see that someday, that he has a lot of people around him who do love him. I still love him and wish he is well and hope he will eventually seek treatment :)
Keep up the wonderful blog & i hope you have a nice weekend. Your blog help not only bp readers, but also everyone else who loves and care about someone with bp
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