About 5 or 6 times a year, I have what I now refer to as a "Bipolar Meltdown". I basically act like an out of control 2 year old and go on a rant. I've learned to accept this as part of who I am. I also teach loved ones and family members to identify this behavior, and help them learn how to deal with it.
My husband is the target of these "Bipolar Meltdowns". Not because I hate him, but because I love him and trust him. He is safe. My husband is as stable as a man can be, and I am blessed to have him. I have taught him to learn when it is me talking and when it's the bipolar talking.
Here is a short narrative of how one of these "Bipolar Meltdowns" sound. "I hate you! I hate everything. My life sucks. I hate my job! I just can't do it anymore! Leave me alone. It's all your fault! I have no friends. Nobody loves me. I give up!" I cry, I yell, I make threats. It's absolutely horrid. But, when it is over, I feel better, and I am "human" again.
I have learned (by trial and error) that it is very, very important NOT to have these meltdowns at work.
I know it isn't fair to put anyone through this. But, it is a choice that those that have come to love me have to make. 99 percent of the time I am a rational, intelligent, sweet, compassionate, hard-working, loving woman.
Look, I know "Normal" women who act like this 5 days per month- they call it PMS, and it is acceptable in this society. I also know "Normal" people who have crap personalities. They are just no fun to be around, hateful, and miserable people. They are crappy all the time. So, I have learned to forgive myself, and accept my shortcomings.
My Psy doctor (I can only afford a nurse practitioner) has long since tried to fix me. She thinks we can keep tweaking my meds until I am all better. Wake up doc! This is as good as it gets. That is, until medical science can find better treatment.
My doc could probably give me the meds to prevent these "Bipolar Meltodowns" and believe me she has tried. I am the ultimate guini pig to her. However, ten years into this I refuse to take medications that make me feel flat-line, or that make me drool, that make me gain 40 lbs, or that make me sleep 15 hours per day.
Although I am not perfect, I still consider myself successful. I have a job that pays all my bills, friends and family who love me, and for the most part I am happy.
If you know someone who is Bipolar, please forgive them when they have a meltdown. They really don't mean what they say.
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19 comments:
This is nice! Thank you for posting this.
Your welcome!
Thank u for posting this. i am a bi polar man and have meltdowns as well. it helps knowing that i am not alone out there.
I was just diagnosed Bipolar over a year ago and since then mey life has never been the same..I have had 3 big breakdowns and have been to the hospital 7 xs . Thank you for this blog it is really helping me sort all of this out!
Im n the middle of a GIANT MELTDOWN... Husband is great but dosent understand,hell he dosent even take aspirin for headache.....Im HOT,COLD,MAD,SAD,CRYING... Like u I hate the meds,Im tired of hiding these awful meltdown..... IM TIRED.......
Thanks for your post. As a husband to a wife with bipolar, you said it in a simple way to understand. My wife pointed me to this post and we had a nice long talk. I need to learn how to deal with this better just as she does. I love her more than anything and I owe her that much.
My husband has these to,our girls have learned from the time they were little to know when they are coming.I know we try to keep him stress free if we see them coming the hardest is when we are in public and he has them
I am so glad to learn I am not the only one who has these MELTDOWNS! Trying to rationalize myself out of an emotional MD right now. I googled "bi-polar meltdown" and found you. I always assumed that taking medication would "fix me" and the md's would go away. Not so! They are few and far between , but WOW! look out when they happen! My husband, God bless him, is very understanding, but I think he doesn't fully understand that these outbursts are not intentional and not aimed at him. And, yes, being at work and trying to hide a md is HARD! I found that journaling on my laptop has been a tremendous help! Especially reading them once I am "human" again.
I have been bi polar my entire life but I was diagnosed only 4 years ago. I am 64 years old and have dealt with meltdowns for years. I just went through a meltdown. First one in years. Caught me completely by surprise and I still don't know what the trigger was. I yelled, screamed, threw my notebook, shook from head to toe, walked out the door back in and out again. My daughter slapped me to try and break the chain but I called the police then went into hysteria. They had no clue what to do or say to help.
I was on my meds. I still feel scared.
AMY, I think we are in a parallel universe, lol. Every post resonates so deeply. I have had similar meltdowns at work and home causing me to be booted out of the business I started alone, but more importantly it caused me to lose my most recent relationship. He said he only had one complaint and that was my rants, I promised I wouldn't do it anymore but I couldn't help myself. He said I was verbally abusive and left and refuses to speak to me. I wish I had just explained my condition to him
Just had one today. We need to stop excusing this. We don't belong in this society and these metldowns are not acceptable. The loss of control, the rants, the violent hurling of objects...we're monsters. I love the people around me and they don't deserve this. We should be put down like rabid pit bulls.
So great! You said this so well and I really relate to you! I also have bipolar and refuse to take meds all the time if it means that it stifles who I am most of the time. The price we pay is when stressors happen and we have this so well-described melt-down. I am feeling it now because I have a lot going on, so reading this helped me realize I am not alone!! Thank you, so much!
Wendy
Thank you for sharing this. My son is bipolar and has these dreaded meltdowns. It makes me sad to think he will have to deal with this his whole life. But reading it from someone who also deals with the same things, helps give me insight that no doctor will be able to give me
I'm so glad I stumbled upon your blog. My 26 yr old daughter just had another Bipolar Meltdown today. I've been dealing with this for 16 years ( she was diagnosed at 10yrs old) and I know your pain and the pain of others out here experiencing this. The loved ones ( mostly the "targets") are in pain too...pain from watching this happen to you, pain from getting the brunt of your anger, and pain for not knowing how to help you. I am sincerely glad that you recognize these things in yourself and seem to be dealing with them well and educating your loved ones, that's fantastic! Could you please share some of the techniques you use when you feel these meltdowns coming on, and pass along the tips you give your family for dealing with them? Most days I'm at the end of my rope with my daughter, especially when it seems like she does nothing to help herself and just lets these tantrums fly.
To the parent with the 26 year old daughter,
I so wish I had better answers for you...
I am also sorry you are going through this.
As far as educating others-
There is a book I gave my husband.
https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192
I highlighted things that really related to me, my emotions, & my behaviors.
I know he keeps it in his office, and sometimes I know he's been reading it because it's in a difference place or the bookmark is moved.
I've also written him little "How to" notes.. I tell him to just leave for a few hours if I upset him too much. If I'm having a really bad day, I tell him to just Go, enjoy the day with his friends, there is no reason he needs to suffer too. If I thought it would help to have him there, I would ask him to stay. But, most of the time I just need to deal with my own demons.
He also asked me to start this blog. He thought that if I wrote about it, not only could we understand it better, but maybe the world could too.
I rarely take out my anger on him, the worse of what he deals with is my withdrawal and sadness. He wants to fix me, and it tears him up that he can't.
And then you asked me, "techniques you use when you feel these meltdowns coming on". I'm sorry to say I don't have a good answer to that. I used to see my doctor and ask to tweak my medications, but honestly, I feel like I'm all med-changed out. There are good days and bad days, more good days than bad days, and it's something I and anyone who loves me has to accept.
Another thing I do, is "Go into my cave". I try to just wait it out.
I'm in the midst of one of the longer periods of depression that I've had for a long time. Every day, I wake up and tell myself "Tomorrow I will feel better". What else can I do.
I hope your daughter has a lot of good days too. I hope that on the days she is well, she showers you with love and kindness. That's what I do anyways. I try to make up for my shortcomings caused by bipolar any time I have a good day.
My son has bipolar, among a few other diagnoses. He is now 15yrs old and I'm trying to research ways to help him utilize the tools to cope with the melt downs that he learned while in a day treatment program. My boyfriend struggles with understanding why he does and says the things he does, I simply tell him that he can't control these episodes and to let him have his moment and discuss it with him once he's in a happy state again. I've been dealing with this since he was 6 years old. Any recommendations?
My son has bipolar, among a few other diagnoses. He is now 15yrs old and I'm trying to research ways to help him utilize the tools to cope with the melt downs that he learned while in a day treatment program. My boyfriend struggles with understanding why he does and says the things he does, I simply tell him that he can't control these episodes and to let him have his moment and discuss it with him once he's in a happy state again. I've been dealing with this since he was 6 years old. Any recommendations?
My husband just had a meltdown. He locked his keys in his car and when he borrowed a phone from someone he called and I was outside with the dog. He left an illegible message on our home phone then proceeded to walk home. When he got home he screamed and yelled at me in front of the neighbors. I tried to explain what happened but he just screamed louder and said how much he hates me. When he does this he starts drinking and hides in our family room by himself. Tomorrow it will be as if nothing happened. He won't take meds or see a Dr. When he is not having a meltdown he is the sweetest kindest person. It takes its toll.
Thank you to all for being so honest. My son is 31 and was diagnosed 6 years ago. He is currently in the middle of his first major meltdown since then. He has been lucky, I know. He has a good job and friends and family who love him. However, as his mother, watching him self destruct by drinking, taking drugs and refusing treatment is breaking my heart. He is about to throw everything away and I can't help. He is homeless and 'off-grid'. I pray that God keeps him safe as I no longer can.
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