Bipolar- I Prefer to Be Sad Alone

When I'm really sad, I prefer to be alone. More than anything else, I don't want anyone to look at me or touch me. I don't want anyone to hear the sadness in my voice. I need to be alone until I'm ready to cope.

Sadness can sometimes turn into depression, but not always. We all have our own ways of dealing with sadness. Some people reach out to others and want to talk out their problems. Others, like me, prefer to lick their wounds alone.

If your living with someone who has bipolar, it's important to talk about what to expect and discuss the best way to deal with bipolar symptoms before they happen. It doesn't have to be a guessing game.

It's hard to watch someone suffer with sadness, grief, or depression. A normal human reaction is to want to reach out and help. Another normal reaction is to long to slip away, and hope when you come back the mood has passed. Often what you want to do, isn't what the bipolar person needs to get better. Having the talk can do wonders for a relationship.

Loving someone with bipolar isn't always easy, but sometimes it is.

Friends and Family Can Hurt You The Most

It's funny how friends and family can hurt you the most. I'm lucky to have two people in my life, my husband and my mom, who I can completly trust. Until today, I thought I there were three. My closest female friend leaked out my deepest secrets to all our shared friends and acquaintances, not by accident, but only to be cruel-to punish me for a dissagreement I considered to be minor.

For whatever reason, I have trouble with close friendships, especially relationships with women. When people first meet me, they usually love me. Close friendships are different; I have serial best friendships. For whatever reason, friendships with women are more difficult for me than friendships with men.

There are only a few things I consider unforgivable - outright cruelty towards me or my loved ones and sleeping with my man come to mind. Often time the former occurs after the latter.

When family betrays you, it is difficult, but not impossible to swallow your pride, be the bigger person, and forgive. When friends do it, it is somehow harder. Maybe because you chose that person to be in your life, whereas with family others chose for you.

Perhaps my expectations of people are too high. I don't try to hurt people, especially the people I love, so I get surprised. I get hurt. I think heartache makes me a better and kinder person. When someone hurts me, I try harder to be good to others.

A psychology teacher once told us that people form close relationships with people who are as healthy, or as sick, as they are themselves. I'd like to think that I'm getting healthier every day, and that losing these friends is part of growing. At the same time, it makes me reluctant to have friendships and terrified to trust.

How about you? Are relationships difficult for you? If so, what makes it so hard and how do you get past the barriers?

Adding Your Shrink to Facebook

Is your shrink your friend on facebook? Mine is. I received a friend request from her about a month ago, "Tina is new to facebook. Tina wants to be your friend". I think she is new and imported her entire email list. I can't think of any other reason she would want to be my facebook friend. Tina is now my facebook friend, with the right privacy settings of course.

Tina is a textbook learned shrink and would probably not approve of my facebook page nor this blog. In many ways, she has fixed me. I am one of her few bipolar success stories. After 10 years of trying to fix me, I can tell she is tired of trying. She has become too attached, like my mother, and only wants the best for me. In some ways, I am still broken. In most ways, I am fixed.

Going back to Facebook... I probably use it too freely. Not more freely than my friends, but still freely. I post where I'm going; I post where I've been. I post job changes, new classes I'm taking, my interests,my passions, and my dreams. Sometimes, when I have a bad day, I post about that too.

If you followed me on facebook, you would think of me as nothing more than a normal girl. I have friends, I get tagged, and people write on my wall. If you are my shrink, however, my facebook page could alarm you. I've been known to be tagged with a drink in my hand. I've been known to be tagged looking a little too happy or a little too sad. I fear that if my facebook page were completly open for my shrink to see, I would be seeing her a lot more often.

Bipolar Disorder- Vitamins, Herbs, and Supplements

Someone recently wrote to me suggesting the amino acid L=Tryptophan for Bipolar sleep cycle disturbances. Considering that it is 2:30am and I am still wide awake, I'm open for any suggestions. My days and nights are constantly backwards, and people don't like people who don't follow social norms. My work schedule is quite flexable, but my boss recently suggested that I get used to daylight.

I have tried Melatonin, to no avail. It's said that Melatonin will help you fall asleep at night. It doesn't work for me. I tried a 3mg tab, then I tried 2 3mg tabs. After the second night of no sleep, I took a Depakote I had laying around and was out for 12 hours.

And then there is that memory thing. I heard on the radio that fish oil is great for that. Fish oil is recommended for all sorts of things from weight loss to depression, so how can I go wrong? I think I will buy some tomorrow.

Which brings me to Vitamin B, I am a big fan of that. Maybe it's the placebo affect, but when I'm wiped out and have no energy a super dose of Vitamin B seems to recharge me.

I could probably use a script for Xanax, but when I asked for it once my doctor jumped down my throat, lecturing me about how addictive it is. Not sure how a script for one or two pills a month would put me over the deep end, but ok. That got me searching for a substitute and I found Kava. Apparently Kava has been removed from the shelves of GNC because if you take enough you die. A quick "Google" search and I discovered that only 1 hour from my home is a Kava bar which serves this liquid, mud like substance in coconut shells. Kava tastes so horrid that you must down it like a tequella shot, and chase it with some fruity candy. After a few shells, I felt pretty darn relaxed.

Everything except the Kava has been recommended to me by my doctor. Bipolar symptoms include: mania, elevated mood, and irritable mood; increased libido; decreased need for sleep; rapid speech; racing thoughts; increased activity and agitation; occasional delusions. Alternating with periods of depression and other symptoms such as excessive guilt; absence of pleasure; or thoughts of death. Do you have a herb for all that? My gosh, I hope so because somtimes this thing kicks my butt.

I'd suggest you stay away from the St. John's Wort. I tried it for a few weeks. Although at first it improved my mood dramatically, when bipolar mood goes up, it must come down. The St. John's Wort hangover is not fun.

Are there vitamins, herbs, and supplements that can combat every symptom of bipolar? I would be more than interested to hear from you, and learn what you have tried.