Bipolar Disorder, Trusting Your Emotions

Considering that Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder, how do we learn to trust our emotions? All to often, we are too happy or too sad. We are accused or being melodramatic or hypersensitive or "just off". And maybe we are all of those things. We live in an unforgiving world, a world where our social mistakes can have huge consequences. How do we learn to differentiate between acceptable emotions and those brought on by our mood disorder?

I've learned to read people's faces, their body language, the subtle signs. When people smile, I assume it's safe to smile back. When they laugh, I assume it's ok to laugh. I use extreme caution when displaying emotion, especially at work. I'm never the first person to bring up a problem. What if I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm never the first person to laugh at a joke. What if the joke is not all that funny. I keep so much inside.

But sometimes I just have to be me and let those emotions fly. I know it's safe to cry in front of my husband. I know I can call my mom if I need to talk. I wish I could trust my emotions, but I'm not there yet. I use extreme emotional restraint, especially at work. I'm somewhat cautious around friends and relatives. I'm starting to take more chances when I blog. I have a few good friends who help keep me in check. It takes real effort not to fall off the deep end, or to fly off the deep end.

I see the world in a really amazing way. I understand emotions in a way that most people can't. This makes me a wonderful listener and a wonderful friend. I can empathize better than Ophra. I know how you feel by the look on your face, and all to often I can feel your pain. I think this gift is something most people with bipolar disorder share. But it is as much of a curse as it is a gift because it makes us different.

Are we hypersensitive, or do we just see the world as it really is? Whatever the answer may be, in order to be bipolar and successful, we must sometimes pretend to see the world as the other 99 percent see it.