Bipolar and Successful, Remember Your Value

As a person with bipolar disorder, I often sabotage excellent opportunities. Most bothersome to me is that I quit good jobs. I've made some terrible choices, and my behavior hasn't always been reputable. The mistakes I've made sometimes lead me to feel worthless.

On my better days, I think about how much I have accomplished. I think about the skills I have that give me an edge. I have a bachelors degree, an active teaching certificate, and now a computer programmers certificate. My husband and I own a thriving small business, and he says he couldn't do it without me. Life is good. My friends who are not bipolar are jealous because most of them hate their jobs, and I love what I do.

If it were not for my bipolar disorder, I would still be teaching. I'm sure I would have gotten comfortable in a secure job and stayed there until retirement. I'm much happier owning a business than I ever was teaching, but it wasn't my original life plan.

It has been one heck of a bumpy ride. There have been times I've been dirt poor because of the choices I've made, but despite the glitches, my true value as a person can never be destroyed. I've had many jobs, and from every opportunity, I've taken something with me. I've learned something valuable from every job. The experience and skills transfer to current and future opportunities.

I suggest that you keep a list of everything about you that is wonderful because I guarantee you will forget those things the next time you get depressed. Add to that list whenever you can, and share it with the people you love and trust the most. Tell them that when you get depressed, you often forget your self-worth.

Also, if you have a good job, put some sort of disaster plan in place in case you get sick. You might. I quit my first professional job because I fell into a major depression and simply couldn't function. It was my first major depression, and nobody knew what to do. A good option for me at that time would have been taking a Family Medical Leave, but when it's mental illness nobody tells you.

It was difficult professionally to recover after I left that teaching position some 15 years ago, but I did it and over the years I've had some really awesome jobs. The journey has been bittersweet.

What do you do to prevent yourself from feeling worthless in hard times or when depressed?

Getting Medications Can Be Tricky When You Don't Look Crazy, Bipolar

You can't look at me and tell that I have bipolar disorder. I look just like everyone else. I take the time to fix my hair, clothes, and makeup before I leave the house (If I can't I just don't leave the house). I smile at everyone I meet. I try to make sure that everyone I run into has just a little bit better day than they would have had without me, or at least that their day is not worse because of me. For the most part, I pull that off.

That's probably the reason it took so long before I got treatment for bipolar disorder. I started complaining to doctors that I felt depressed in my teen years, describing my symptoms with a smile on my face, but it wasn't until I begged for help at the age of 25 that I got help. Even after that, it took years before I was on the path to the right treatment. I was misdiagnosed with depression, and given antidepressants which made me feel wonderful until they fizzed out and I spiraled into the worst breakdown of my life. I'm so good at looking like everything is ok that when I say I'm not ok, I'm often not heard.

I have learned how to put on this public mask in order to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible. It's so automatic to pretend that everything is ok, that I think my mask is more believable than the layers underneath. When it comes to love, family, work, and just plain living life, this works beautifully, but when it's time for treatment, it's an issue. I believe that doctors delay treatment or undertreat because they simply do not believe me.

Is this an issue for anyone else? I'd love to hear your stories.

Bipolar and Stigma

I was thinking today about how absolutely uneducated people are about bipolar disorder. The general thinking seems to be that all bipolar people are off their rocker, evil, batshit crazy, AND they are like that all the time. Honestly people, we all have our off days, but those of us with bipolar disorder are not that much different than everybody else. You don't have to be afraid.

It's no wonder that when newly diagnosed with bipolar, a person will either deny it is true or accept it as a death sentence. It is no wonder that people go on for years without treatment, or even worse are fed antidepressants, because their primary doctor doesn't think they are bad enough to be labeled as bipolar and delays referring them to a Psychiatrist. You don't have to be afraid of bipolar. What is scary though is the stigma attached to it.

When in a depressed state, us "Bipolars" are usually no bother because we are curled up in bed hoping the depression will pass or searching on the internet for a new cure. When manic, we are actually pretty fun- out spending money, traveling, coming up with new business ventures (my best work is created while hypomanic). The mixed states are not pleasant, we get a little bitchy and impulsive. I don't have to tell you this though, this is what you already know about bipolar. What you probably don't know though is that 95 percent of the time, as long as we are following our treatment plan, we are "normal"?

Many successful business people struggle with bipolar disorder, but when you picture "bipolar" you don't picture a successful person. You picture somebody who looks crazy. You don't know the successful bipolar people because they don't want to be known by their mental illness. They want to be known by who they are and by what they accomplish. The only bipolar people you THINK you know are the ones that end up on the news because they left the home today wearing nothing but their tennis shoes and decided to stomp on some guy's car windshield or committed some similar crime. Am I right?

We all have a long way to go in reducing and stamping out stigma. Don't let the media, the internet, your friends, or anybody else scare you. Bipolar is not that scary. You can still be successful.

Bipolar, to have or not to have children...

To have or not to have children when you are bipolar, that is the question. I get the most amazing and thoughtful comments on this blog, and here is one that really hit home, since my own biological clock is at the buzzer. My reader wrote, "My boyfriend is bipolar. He thinks the stress of children will be too much for him and that he won't be a very good parent. I just wish there were bipolar parents he could speak to. I know he would be an amazing father, and it saddens me that we may not have the family we dreamed of." Considering how much this reader wants children, I hope they really consider it. People who want children make super parents.

I don't have any children, and I worry that someday I will regret that. For me, It's just as much a personality issue as it is a bipolar issue. I'm not as interested in children as I "should" be. I don't have that maternal instinct that I "should" have. I always thought I would outgrow that, but I never really have.

My experience leads me to believe that people with bipolar can be the very best or the very worst of parents. When the children are wanted, and the support system is strong, people with bipolar are often the most amazing parents. It's when the children were never really wanted, and/or the bipolar parent doesn't have the tools (support system, medications, desire) to cope, that parenting can turn into a disaster.

My grandfather was almost certainly bipolar, and he made some mistakes that left deep scars on his children. He was raising his ten children in the 50's and 60's and the medications and treatments that are available today were not available to him. He self medicated with alcohol, probably the worst way he could treat his bipolar. That said, most of his children are happy and doing very well today. About half struggle with bipolar or depression or varying seriousness, but most are doing well. He probably could have been a great father, but he was not. I blame alcohol, not bipolar.

There are some risks for people with bipolar when having children.. The most significant that comes to mind is the risk of passing bipolar on to offspring, which may or may not be a terrible thing- it depends on how you look at it. The other is the risk of a serious manic or depressive episode if the mother has to adjust medications while pregnant.

So, to have or not to have children when bipolar? I think if you want children you should most certainly have them. If you are worried about the
chance of passing on bipolar to your child, you can adopt. If you take care of yourself and have a strong support system, the odds are with you to be the most amazing parent. Don't rule out children just because you are bipolar. They just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Bipolar and Successful Support Group

It is extremely difficult to find people who suffer from bipolar disorder, are successful, and are also willing to talk about it. Those of us who enjoy success usually keep mental illness a secret to all but the closest of friends. Although our loved ones try to support us, there is nothing like the support of others who share this illness- it is especially wonderful to connect with people who have found ways to cope.

There are support groups out there, but they often attract people who are not coping well or not coping at all. Support groups often focus on the worst of mental illness, and rarely on success. You rarely hear about people who are bipolar and successful. We know they are out there, but how do we find them? Image my surprise when I found a local meeting for business professionals who have a mental illness. I just learned about this group and attended my first meeting tonight. What a wonderful and inspiring group!

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness runs my group. You can contact your local NAMI and find out if they have a group like this near you. If they don't, they may be willing to start one. Is anyone else involved in something like this? If so, I'd love to hear about it.

Famous people who have suffered and continue to suffer with bipolar

"There's another me behind this public mask." - Stephen Fry
"I always have voices in my head saying what a useless bastard I am." - Stephen Fry


Stephen Fry - The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive