Bipolar And Successful

Bipolar, to have or not to have children...

2011-11-26T01:08:00.000-08:00

To have or not to have children when you are bipolar, that is the question. I get the most amazing and thoughtful comments on this blog, and here is one that really hit home, since my own biological clock is at the buzzer. My reader wrote, "My boyfriend is bipolar. He thinks the stress of children will be too much for him and that he won't be a very good parent. I just wish there were bipolar parents he could speak to. I know he would be an amazing father, and it saddens me that we may not have the family we dreamed of." Considering how much this reader wants children, I hope they really consider it. People who want children make super parents.

I don't have any children, and I worry that someday I will regret that. For me, It's just as much a personality issue as it is a bipolar issue. I'm not as interested in children as I "should" be. I don't have that maternal instinct that I "should" have. I always thought I would outgrow that, but I never really have.

My experience leads me to believe that people with bipolar can be the very best or the very worst of parents. When the children are wanted, and the support system is strong, people with bipolar are often the most amazing parents. It's when the children were never really wanted, and/or the bipolar parent doesn't have the tools (support system, medications, desire) to cope, that parenting can turn into a disaster.

My grandfather was almost certainly bipolar, and he made some mistakes that left deep scars on his children. He was raising his ten children in the 50's and 60's and the medications and treatments that are available today were not available to him. He self medicated with alcohol, probably the worst way he could treat his bipolar. That said, most of his children are happy and doing very well today. About half struggle with bipolar or depression or varying seriousness, but most are doing well. He probably could have been a great father, but he was not. I blame alcohol, not bipolar.

There are some risks for people with bipolar when having children.. The most significant that comes to mind is the risk of passing bipolar on to offspring, which may or may not be a terrible thing- it depends on how you look at it. The other is the risk of a serious manic or depressive episode if the mother has to adjust medications while pregnant.

So, to have or not to have children when bipolar? I think if you want children you should most certainly have them. If you are worried about the
chance of passing on bipolar to your child, you can adopt. If you take care of yourself and have a strong support system, the odds are with you to be the most amazing parent. Don't rule out children just because you are bipolar. They just might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Bipolar and Successful Support Group

2011-09-08T22:57:00.001-07:00

It is extremely difficult to find people who suffer from bipolar disorder, are successful, and are also willing to talk about it. Those of us who enjoy success usually keep mental illness a secret to all but the closest of friends. Although our loved ones try to support us, there is nothing like the support of others who share this illness- it is especially wonderful to connect with people who have found ways to cope.

There are support groups out there, but they often attract people who are not coping well or not coping at all. Support groups often focus on the worst of mental illness, and rarely on success. You rarely hear about people who are bipolar and successful. We know they are out there, but how do we find them? Image my surprise when I found a local meeting for business professionals who have a mental illness. I just learned about this group and attended my first meeting tonight. What a wonderful and inspiring group!

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness runs my group. You can contact your local NAMI and find out if they have a group like this near you. If they don't, they may be willing to start one. Is anyone else involved in something like this? If so, I'd love to hear about it.

Famous people who have suffered and continue to suffer with bipolar

2011-08-24T00:06:00.000-07:00

2011-07-25T03:14:00.000-07:00

"There's another me behind this public mask." - Stephen Fry
"I always have voices in my head saying what a useless bastard I am." - Stephen Fry

Stephen Fry - The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive

Bipolar, I Usually Just Pretend To Be Normal

2011-07-25T00:26:00.000-07:00

I spend most of my time just trying to be normal. I find other ways to describe my illness. To friends and aquantances I might admit, "I get a little bit of depression from time to time," but I'd never say "I'm full on Bipolar." When filling out medical forms, I either check the box "Depression" or, if I need to request a medication to treat bipolar, I might write "Mood Disorder," but never Bipolar.
I simpily haven't had good results when admitting I'm bipolar.
Readers of this blog, My Friends, you may only know me as Amy; but I share with you, and only you, my bipolar.

It's easier to just make up better excuses for my behavior. I stay up late because I'm taking a class and I'm loaded with homework. I sleep late because I've just never been a morning person. I can't focus because I've just been worrying so much about my dad's health. The laundry's not done because I've just been so busy. And so on. It's good to have a lot of projects your appear to be working on, and a lot of books you appear to be reading laying around. It's all about appearances. People are much more accepting of unexplained oddness than they are of bipolar. When faced with bipolar, people think, oh no, will she shave her head like Britney Spears, unravel then overdose like Amy Winehouse, or end her life like Kurt Cobain?

I have been trying to be more social in times when I am well. I invite myself over to visit friends. I plan last minute parties and invite old friends and new aquantences. I try to stay just social enough to look normal and sometimes it even helps me feel normal too. Also when I make efforts to be social during these times, I find that people are more tolerant of me when I sink into my quiet, sad, withdrawn states.

If it werent' for my husband, I probably wouldn't try as hard. I sometimes notice that my husband spends so much time and effort trying to make sure I'm ok, that he neglects his own needs. I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it. He mentioned to me the other day that he doesn't have as many friends as he used to and he misses that. I'd like to have more friends too. It's something we both plan to make an effort towards, together.

If you do openly discuss your bippolar, especially with casual friends or coworkers, I think the worst thing you can do is share your bipolar in a completly negative light. People will tire of that quickly. If you decide to talk about bipoplar, people might be intrigued but they certainly won't want to hear sad, and especially long and sad stories. I think we need to save those talks for people who love us the most. We can also do what people have been doing for thousands of years and pour our emotions into work or art.

Bipolar, You Can't Control Everything

2011-03-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

Bipolar is a serious illness, and managing it takes quite a lot of effort and control. We try to control our sleeping patterns, our work schedules, the things we eat, the times we take our medications, and so on. And often times it works, our efforts to control our world keep us sane. By controlling our world, we avoid our triggers. It's when we find ourselves in a situation that we can not control that we don't know what to do.

Take for example job loss. Job loss is a very difficult situation for the average person, but a person with bipolar often assumes it's a personal failure; the end of success. When we face something that makes us feel as uncomfortable as this, we become even more structured and vow to make sure it never happens again. Hopefully, this will take a positive direction, such as going back to school.

There will always be things that we cannot control, and these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress. If we want to be bipolar and successful, we have no choice but to make a reasonable effort to control our environment. Yet at the same time, we need to be tolerant towards the things we can not control, particularly the desires and actions of other people. We can influence many things, but some things are simply beyond our control. We can't control people and we cant' change the past.

Lack of Psychiatrists and Bipolar

2010-12-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

Had it of been easier to find a good Psychiatrist, I would probably still have a job. The anxiety and depression got the best of me a few months ago, and I couldn't cope with things like long hours, increased workload, and a negative boss. It affected my work performance and I was strongly persuaded to pack up my things. (Which by the way, I learned that if you give into these tactics, you don't get unemployment) These are things that most people can cope with, but for people with bipolar, it's pretty hard. I've been off for about four months now, and in all honestly, my time has been spent either moping around or jumping from one little project to the next. I'm not homeless yet because I have a supportive husband who has picked up the slack. You are probably thinking, so what's successful about that? It isn't, but even the best of us find outselves here from time to time. I've moped for about 4 months, and I'm ready to put myself out there again and find another job.

I knew this was coming. I knew I was going to have a breakdown, and I even told my Psychiatrist about it. I was like a ticking time bomb. She really didn't care, and told me that I do this to myself, as she handed me the same old script. I called around to other Psychiatrists in my area, but nobody was taking new patients. I talked to my husband, but he didn't know what to do either. Eventually I landed myself in a meeting with the top dogs of the company, and walked out crying like a baby. I know, how successful is that? I felt better when I got onto my favorite bipolar chatroom- http://www.bipolarworld.net/Community/webchat.html - and asked if anyone else had a meltdown at work. I got quite a bit of support there, and heard some job loss stories, some that made me chuckel. It's good to know that you are not alone.

Still, it's quite a shame that it had to come to this. I truely believe that this could of went another way. Had I been thinking clearly, I might have asked to go part time. I might have asked for a family medical leave. I might have been able to do something to keep my job.

Just this week, I got some relief in the most unlikely place- a walk in clinic. The doctor prescribed me a very small dose of Xanax 0.25 mg that she suggested I take before going places I would otherwise avoid- like a job interview. This has been controlling my social anxiety, and I've only taken 2 this week. She warned me about the potential risks of addiction, and she asked me to come back in two weeks to discuss a more long range treatment plan such as adding Buspar or and SSRI.

There are still some questions I have:
1. How do you get affordable Psychiatric care when you don't have insurance?
2. What is the best treatment for disabling social anxiety that comes and goes?
3. How do you find a good Psychiatrist who is actually taking new clients?

I do read all of your posts and comments

2010-12-07T13:10:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I do read all of your posts and commements. Getting feedback is the number one thing that keeps me writing.

Thank You!

Bipolar- It helps to learn skills that most people don't have

2010-10-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

If you have bipolar disorder, or for that matter any disability, it helps to learn skills that most people don't have. You will make mistakes at work, and you will do things to upset people- it is just part of the disorder. Maybe for you, your Achilles' heel is missing too much work, maybe it is lack of emotional stability- but we all have problems at work. If we want to keep our job, and maybe even move up the ladder, we need to work a little harder than everyone else. We need to make ourselves irreplaceable.

I hate the term, "In this economy," but lets face it, it's a little rough out there right now. There are plently of minimum wage jobs out there, but they don't pay the rent, let alone our medications. We need to figure out a way to survive, which is why so many people with bipolar disorder resort to a life of semi-poverty and collect a small disability check. I am hopeful that there is a better way.

I have had quite a few ups and downs in my career, in all honestly, these past few months have been a bit of a downswing; I got laid off. I have no plans on giving up. There will be another job for me around the corner.

Whether you have a job, or are looking for a job, the most important thing you can do for yourself is to sharpen up your skills. Spend a few hours every week learning a new skill. Most "normal" people neglect to do this and this is how we can compete and stay marketable.

Good luck to all of you bipolars, and keep your chin up. Life is filled with ups and downs. We can do this!

Bipolar- Learn to Let Go

2010-09-10T22:08:00.000-07:00

Those of us who are bipolar tend to be a little hard on ourselves. Not only do we have trouble with mood, but also with judgement. So, when we make a life changing decsion, we run through it in our mind a thousand times. Learn to let go. If you've made a decision, if you've quit a job or ended a relationship, don't dwell on it. Life is full of trial and error. Some decisions are good, others are bad, but how will we learn if we don't allow ourselves some room for mistakes.

Life is also full of second chances. Unless you commited a perminent act, such as murder, you can almost always go back and try again. More often than not though, going back is a mistake. I've stormed out of jobs, and regretted it. I've broken engagements with men I thought I loved. I've gone back, often years later to try to patch these relationships and try again. In a clear light and with stable mood, I saw that I had moved on, that those relationships were not right for me anymore. So, let go of regrets.

Our intense moods give us a bit of an advantage over stable people. We see things in full color, especially when we are depressed. If something looks good when we are depressed, then you betcha it's going to look fantastic when we are feeling fine. So give yourself a little credit. Forgive yourself. You are exactly where you are in life for a reason. You're life might be a bit of a bipolar roller coaster ride, but nobody can say that you didn't live it to the fullest.

Bipolar- I Prefer to Be Sad Alone

2010-08-10T00:49:00.000-07:00

When I'm really sad, I prefer to be alone. More than anything else, I don't want anyone to look at me or touch me. I don't want anyone to hear the sadness in my voice. I need to be alone until I'm ready to cope.

Sadness can sometimes turn into depression, but not always. We all have our own ways of dealing with sadness. Some people reach out to others and want to talk out their problems. Others, like me, prefer to lick their wounds alone.

If your living with someone who has bipolar, it's important to talk about what to expect and discuss the best way to deal with bipolar symptoms before they happen. It doesn't have to be a guessing game.

It's hard to watch someone suffer with sadness, grief, or depression. A normal human reaction is to want to reach out and help. Another normal reaction is to long to slip away, and hope when you come back the mood has passed. Often what you want to do, isn't what the bipolar person needs to get better. Having the talk can do wonders for a relationship.

Loving someone with bipolar isn't always easy, but sometimes it is.

Friends and Family Can Hurt You The Most

2010-08-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

It's funny how friends and family can hurt you the most. I'm lucky to have two people in my life, my husband and my mom, who I can completly trust. Until today, I thought I there were three. My closest female friend leaked out my deepest secrets to all our shared friends and acquaintances, not by accident, but only to be cruel-to punish me for a dissagreement I considered to be minor.

For whatever reason, I have trouble with close friendships, especially relationships with women. When people first meet me, they usually love me. Close friendships are different; I have serial best friendships. For whatever reason, friendships with women are more difficult for me than friendships with men.

There are only a few things I consider unforgivable - outright cruelty towards me or my loved ones and sleeping with my man come to mind. Often time the former occurs after the latter.

When family betrays you, it is difficult, but not impossible to swallow your pride, be the bigger person, and forgive. When friends do it, it is somehow harder. Maybe because you chose that person to be in your life, whereas with family others chose for you.

Perhaps my expectations of people are too high. I don't try to hurt people, especially the people I love, so I get surprised. I get hurt. I think heartache makes me a better and kinder person. When someone hurts me, I try harder to be good to others.

A psychology teacher once told us that people form close relationships with people who are as healthy, or as sick, as they are themselves. I'd like to think that I'm getting healthier every day, and that losing these friends is part of growing. At the same time, it makes me reluctant to have friendships and terrified to trust.

How about you? Are relationships difficult for you? If so, what makes it so hard and how do you get past the barriers?

Adding Your Shrink to Facebook

2010-08-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

Is your shrink your friend on facebook? Mine is. I received a friend request from her about a month ago, "Tina is new to facebook. Tina wants to be your friend". I think she is new and imported her entire email list. I can't think of any other reason she would want to be my facebook friend. Tina is now my facebook friend, with the right privacy settings of course.

Tina is a textbook learned shrink and would probably not approve of my facebook page nor this blog. In many ways, she has fixed me. I am one of her few bipolar success stories. After 10 years of trying to fix me, I can tell she is tired of trying. She has become too attached, like my mother, and only wants the best for me. In some ways, I am still broken. In most ways, I am fixed.

Going back to Facebook... I probably use it too freely. Not more freely than my friends, but still freely. I post where I'm going; I post where I've been. I post job changes, new classes I'm taking, my interests,my passions, and my dreams. Sometimes, when I have a bad day, I post about that too.

If you followed me on facebook, you would think of me as nothing more than a normal girl. I have friends, I get tagged, and people write on my wall. If you are my shrink, however, my facebook page could alarm you. I've been known to be tagged with a drink in my hand. I've been known to be tagged looking a little too happy or a little too sad. I fear that if my facebook page were completly open for my shrink to see, I would be seeing her a lot more often.

Bipolar Disorder- Vitamins, Herbs, and Supplements

2010-08-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

Someone recently wrote to me suggesting the amino acid L=Tryptophan for Bipolar sleep cycle disturbances. Considering that it is 2:30am and I am still wide awake, I'm open for any suggestions. My days and nights are constantly backwards, and people don't like people who don't follow social norms. My work schedule is quite flexable, but my boss recently suggested that I get used to daylight.

I have tried Melatonin, to no avail. It's said that Melatonin will help you fall asleep at night. It doesn't work for me. I tried a 3mg tab, then I tried 2 3mg tabs. After the second night of no sleep, I took a Depakote I had laying around and was out for 12 hours.

And then there is that memory thing. I heard on the radio that fish oil is great for that. Fish oil is recommended for all sorts of things from weight loss to depression, so how can I go wrong? I think I will buy some tomorrow.

Which brings me to Vitamin B, I am a big fan of that. Maybe it's the placebo affect, but when I'm wiped out and have no energy a super dose of Vitamin B seems to recharge me.

I could probably use a script for Xanax, but when I asked for it once my doctor jumped down my throat, lecturing me about how addictive it is. Not sure how a script for one or two pills a month would put me over the deep end, but ok. That got me searching for a substitute and I found Kava. Apparently Kava has been removed from the shelves of GNC because if you take enough you die. A quick "Google" search and I discovered that only 1 hour from my home is a Kava bar which serves this liquid, mud like substance in coconut shells. Kava tastes so horrid that you must down it like a tequella shot, and chase it with some fruity candy. After a few shells, I felt pretty darn relaxed.

Everything except the Kava has been recommended to me by my doctor. Bipolar symptoms include: mania, elevated mood, and irritable mood; increased libido; decreased need for sleep; rapid speech; racing thoughts; increased activity and agitation; occasional delusions. Alternating with periods of depression and other symptoms such as excessive guilt; absence of pleasure; or thoughts of death. Do you have a herb for all that? My gosh, I hope so because somtimes this thing kicks my butt.

I'd suggest you stay away from the St. John's Wort. I tried it for a few weeks. Although at first it improved my mood dramatically, when bipolar mood goes up, it must come down. The St. John's Wort hangover is not fun.

Are there vitamins, herbs, and supplements that can combat every symptom of bipolar? I would be more than interested to hear from you, and learn what you have tried.

Bipolar? It helps to be organized

2010-07-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

Some days my brain doesn't work like it should. It's hard for me to think, my mind races, I can't focus on much. Still, there are certain tasks that I'm expected to complete every day, some as simple as putting on clean clothes, some as complicated as solving other peoples' problems at work. When I have too many of these days, people start to notice. I've found that being organized not only helps me cope, but also keeps the attention off me and makes me look more sane.

On days when I feel well, I take extra measures to get myself organized and make sure things are in order. Paper makes me crazy- stacks of paper, sticky notes, scraps of paper- first I get rid of the paper. Whenever possible, I scan large documents onto my computer, and toss the hard copy. Usually those sticky notes and scraps of paper are "to do" items, so I write them in my planner. Throw away some paper, it will make you feel better.

Little things that don't bother anyone else, things that wouldn't bother me on a day when I was feeling well- those things can literally imobilize me. Something as small as not having a pen and paper on my desk can ruin my entire day; some days I am unable to solve a problem that small. I have a lot of black clothes in my closet because some days I can't focus enough to match clothes.

You would think that on a day that I can't locate a pen and paper or color cordinate clothes that I should just give up and do nothing. Today is one of those days for me, but I did get some things accomplished. I wrote this blog article, even though I wasn't sure if I could. I did some routine tasks at work, tasks that on most days I would find boring. There were some more complicated things I was asked to do today, and they are on my list for Monday.

On days like today, I would rather stay home and in bed; I really would. I do fear that someone will notice that I'm "off", and sometimes they do. But, I do as much as I can at work and for my family, and so far that has been enough for everyone.

Kindness, As a Treatment for Mental Illness

2010-05-25T23:55:00.000-07:00

If you have cancer, heart disease, or just about any "real" medical problem, people treat you with kindness, and that kindness helps you get well. Friends and family will sit by your bedside and hold your hand as you recover. Even a stroke or a brain injury that causes significant long term mental impairment is tolerated. Not so when you are sick with a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, instead people can be rather cruel. "Snap out of it!" people will say, "It's all in your head." That isn't kind, and it doesn't help.

There is no need to reward me for my bad behavior. If I'm off my rocker today, then by all means, let me know. But, if you want me to get better, a little kindness in your voice goes a long way. It is easy to forget that each of us has the ability to make a difference in the lives of others. Sometimes a smile, a compliment, or some words of encouragement can make a significant difference.

It's easy, even for professionals that are paid to help us, to feel disdain towards us when treatments fail and symptoms return. Rest assured that we do not want to be sick. Gently remind us of the current reality if we have lost site. Your words, and your tone of voice are important.

Not everyone with bipolar disorder will be successful, but I think everyone has the potential to get better. Getting better is a choice, made not only by the person with bipolar, but by their support system as well. How much are you willing to do?

Bipolar Disorder, Trusting Your Emotions

2010-02-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

Considering that Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder, how do we learn to trust our emotions? All to often, we are too happy or too sad. We are accused or being melodramatic or hypersensitive or "just off". And maybe we are all of those things. We live in an unforgiving world, a world where our social mistakes can have huge consequences. How do we learn to differentiate between acceptable emotions and those brought on by our mood disorder?

I've learned to read people's faces, their body language, the subtle signs. When people smile, I assume it's safe to smile back. When they laugh, I assume it's ok to laugh. I use extreme caution when displaying emotion, especially at work. I'm never the first person to bring up a problem. What if I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm never the first person to laugh at a joke. What if the joke is not all that funny. I keep so much inside.

But sometimes I just have to be me and let those emotions fly. I know it's safe to cry in front of my husband. I know I can call my mom if I need to talk. I wish I could trust my emotions, but I'm not there yet. I use extreme emotional restraint, especially at work. I'm somewhat cautious around friends and relatives. I'm starting to take more chances when I blog. I have a few good friends who help keep me in check. It takes real effort not to fall off the deep end, or to fly off the deep end.

I see the world in a really amazing way. I understand emotions in a way that most people can't. This makes me a wonderful listener and a wonderful friend. I can empathize better than Ophra. I know how you feel by the look on your face, and all to often I can feel your pain. I think this gift is something most people with bipolar disorder share. But it is as much of a curse as it is a gift because it makes us different.

Are we hypersensitive, or do we just see the world as it really is? Whatever the answer may be, in order to be bipolar and successful, we must sometimes pretend to see the world as the other 99 percent see it.

Bipolar Depression, Recovery

2010-01-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

You know when you can sing again, when you can feel sunshine on your face again, when the color comes back into your life- the depression is starting to break. What a relief it is to be able to feel again.

When your compassion returns, when you can write again, when you can tie your hiking boots- these are all signs that you are out of the woods. When you can remember what you did yesterday and the fog leaves your mind, when you can hold your chin up high again- it sinks in, you're getting better.

When you don't have to fake a smile and you finally put some effort into making others smile as well, when it doesn't annoy you to hear laughter, when every muscle in your body doesn't hurt- you are well on your road to recovering from bipolar depression.

You could always take this opportunity to jump head first into a "normal" life, but let's face it, your life will never be normal. Remember who you are. You now have the energy to make yourself strong again, so do things that will keep you strong. Eat well, exercise, rebuild your support system, strengthen your safety net, rethink your budget. Start a blog that reminds you how to smile, and share that blog with me, sometimes I forget how to smile too.

Resist the urge to get cocky. Be careful not to embrace mania. Faithfully take your medications, if that's what helps. Think about what helped to break your depression? Remember it. Add it to your bag of tricks. For most of us, the Bipolar journey is ongoing.

Should I Stay With Someone Who is Bipolar?

2009-12-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

So, you're involved with someone who is bipolar. Should you stay with that person? Maybe not. If that person makes you unhappy- No. If you are staying with him out of pity- No. If you are hoping that someday he will be "normal"- No. If you don't love this person with all of your heart- don't stay.

Why should the rules of love change just because one partner is bipolar? I've been dumped dozens of times, and looking back, each of my x's did me a favor. Not because they were bad guys and not worthy of my time, just the opposite. Most were good guys who did not want to deal with the black cloud of bipolar hanging over the relationship. Can you blame them?

My rocky relationships forced me to work on myself. Eventually I met my match, someone who loved me despite my faults. I met a man who learned how to turn his head when bipolar Amy was speaking, and patiently waited for the more rational Amy to return. Our relationship is not based on drama, pity, or unrealistic hope.

Bipolar, My Thoughts About Medications

2009-12-09T17:37:00.000-08:00

Did you know that most medications for bipolar disorder where stumbled upon by accident? Many were created for seizure disorder, and they accidentally discovered that they worked for bipolar as well. Even Lithium was first used to treat gout, not bipolar. Medical science still doesn't know how or why most of these bipolar medications work. So why should doctors be surprised when our medications don't work?

Has anyone stopped to consider that we are attempting to treat two conflicting conditions, depression and mania, that do not occur at the same time? Just as diabetes has extremes in blood sugar level, bipolars deal with extremes in mood and energy. Is it logical to think the same same drug should work to treat both mania and depression?

I don't know enough about pharmacy to comment much further on this topic. I still have hope that bipolar medications will someday evolve into more than just hit or miss treatments.

Bipolar, We Each Have Our Own Journey

2009-12-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

I've spent most of my life searching for the cure to bipolar. At first I thought my lot in life was to blame. Then I found a good man, a good job, and a good home, but I still struggled with mood swings. For years, I hoped it would be as easy as finding the magic pill. There are a lot of wonderful medications out there, but medications alone are not the cure. I'm still on my own journey, but I think a healthy lifestyle, a loving support system, and a good psychiatrist are key to bipolar success.

The bipolar journey is a bumpy ride.

Bipolar, Build a Safety Net

2009-12-07T01:53:00.000-08:00

Everytime I'm put on a new medication and it works, I think "I'm Cured!". I should know better by now, I've been battling bipolar mood swings for 25 years. It's been ten years since my last major breakdown, one so severe I could not work for months. Yet, there have still been many bumps along the way. It was blind luck that prevented me from losing my home during my last major bout of depression. Somehow I managed to get unemployment, and a kind neighbor became my friend.

Hopefully you will never have a complete breakdown. Hopefully, You will never become too ill to work. The government won't step in to help you until you've lost everything, trust me I've seen it first hand. Build some sort of safety net for yourself. Create a "What If" plan.

As for me, I try to pay my major bills at least three months in advance. Although I'm doing well and can afford more, I keep my liabilities modest. Friends who earn less, own more. But, I can not risk living paycheck to paycheck.

Some promotions I've passed by. I know my limits. When I'm doing well, I work to expand and improve my skills instead.

When living with bipolar, it's best to play it safe. I've watched my bipolar friends thrive and then fall. I chose to stay away from the ledge.

Some of my bipolar friends have given up. They are afraid to try at all. They say it's easier to collect disability. I understand that seems to be playing it safe. But, it's important to stay competitive and know how to provide for yourself. What the government gives, they can take away, and I've seen that first hand as well.

I know it seems that you have to try three times harder than anyone else. In many ways, you do. Despite these challengeges, you can build a happy and comforable life for yourself.

Bipolars, We Don't Always Take Our Medication

2009-10-24T05:07:00.000-07:00

Us bipolars don't always take our medications. This is, perhaps, the most frustrating quality about us. Those who love us, and those who try to fix us, just can't stand it. If we know that we will be "better" if we take our meds, then why don't we just take them? Easy Answer-because a medicated life is boring for us bipolars, and we are addicted to the highs and sometimes even the lows. Bipolar medications are not fun to take, the side effects are a huge drag, and when we start taking medications we don't know who we are anymore.

That said, I take Lamictal daily for my bipolar. Without Lamictal, I would not be able to function on most days. Had I not accepted my fate as the ultimate psychiatric guinea pig, I would be worse off. Bipolar drugs tend to make you gain weight, make you feel exhausted, and take the joy out of your life, until you find one that works. For me, my match was Lamictal. For you, it will probably be something else.

Before I started taking medication for my Bipolar, I was an avid writer and poet. You will learn that our most famous artists had one mental illness or another. As soon as I started taking my medication, I lost my ability to write. I also lost my sex drive, gained 40 pounds, and slept all the time. I could accept everything else, but not the loss of my creative spirit. So, I skipped a pill here and there. Then went off my medications for a week or two. This pattern of medication non-compliance lasted for years. Even with my "match", Lamictal, I still can't say that I am 100 percent compliant. I need to be.

I have many memories of my former self. Most bad, but many good. Sometimes I will come across a picture of my former self, smiling so brightly, and miss that girl so badly. Still, there are other images, mostly in my mind, where life was not so good.

I relate closely with the addict, or the alcoholic that thinks he can have "just one". I understand. The addicts have a twelve step program, and maybe we need one too. In fact, I went to several AA meetings, just to understand addiction. Most helpful is the AA step to take an honest and thorough Moral Inventory of yourself. The most difficult, is to begin to make amends.

So yes, it will be difficult at first. You will have to reinvent yourself. In the end, you will be a successful bipolar, and will learn to live a happy and fullfilling life. Don't give up; keep working with your doctor, your friends, and your family.

Ideas Girl

2009-10-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

My husband calls me "Ideas Girl". My psychiatrist calls it "Flight of Ideas," a symptom of my bipolar. I prefer the title "Ideas Girl", and I kinda like it.

I am blessed to have a husband who listens to my ramblings, and steals them from me to make a good buck. It improves our quality of living, and I also feel great pride because I was a part of this. He is able to filter out the good ideas from the bad ones. I start projects, but rarely finish them. I have a hundred projects going on at once, he picks 5 or 10 of these projects and finishes them for me.

You see, I am creative, and my husband is diligent. My high school math teacher tried to teach me diligence by making me write its definition 100 times. I still remember it word-for-word. Diligence: A constant, earnest effort to achieve a task undertaken.
Needless to say, this was not the cure.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. The key to success is to embrace your strengths- your abilities- and to find accommodations that will allow you to proceed despite your shortcomings.

The love / hate relationship with life

2009-10-05T01:31:00.000-07:00

Of the many dilemmas of bipolar, perhaps the most difficult of all, is the love/hate relationship with life. There are days when we don't value life, days when we don't enjoy it, and sometimes we even consider ending it. In depression, darkness surrounds us; pain stabs us through the heart. In mania, there are moments when we embrace every second, as if it were our last, and we love life like we never thought was possible. The colors become so beautiful, circles of light embrace the soul. Yes, we have good days and bad days, like nobody else. The intensity of what we feel is indescribable and unpredictable.

To love life so intensly one moment, and to despise it so greatly the next, can bring about feelings of guilt and shame. How do we keep the color in our life? Medications can numb us and make our world turn grey. Our environment can trigger us into mania or depression. After fighting this battle for years, charting our mood - not too high, not too low - we become afraid to feel at all. We struggle, wondering if our feelings are appropriate for the situation.

They say that people who have cheated death learn to love life in a whole new way. Major depression feels so much like death, and I have come out of it a hundred times. Every time I concour depression, the colors come back and I love life more than ever.

Bipolar Tomatoes

2009-09-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to start a garden. Since I don't have any gardening experience, I decided to start with just a few tomato and green pepper plants. The green peppers never really had a chance, and died within weeks. The tomatoes, however, thrived despite my unpredictable attention to them. Eventually, the tomatoes had to be removed, for reasons obvious to my neighbors- they became humongous and unruly; my fault completely.

Bipolar disorder causes shifts in a person's mood and energy. Lack of follow through in projects is common. The trick to being bipolar and successful is to know which projects you can take on that will not be affected by your down time. Projects that can be attended to when energy and motivation are high, and then neglected later when energy is low are best.

Had I spent more time with my tomatoes, they would have been prettier and probably would have produced more. I still got dozens of tomatoes, which tasted far better than any you can buy in a store. Creative energy well spent.

You might wonder why the tomatoes were planted in front of the house, where the flower bed should have been. Had they been planted in the back of the house, where a garden is supposed to grow, they would have died; I would have forgotten about them altogether. The green peppers were planted in the back of the house.

Limit Contact With Negative People

2009-09-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

Today's advice, for my beloved bipolar friends, is this, "Limit time spent with negative people."
This may sound like cruel advice, especially since we are not always a slice of cherry pie, but it's good advice.

Some people are not affected by people or their problems. They are able to keep clear boundaries between their own emotions and the emotions of others. Us bipolars are not always so fortunate. We tend to be extremely sensitive to the words and actions of others. Our moods are "Iffy" enough, and we must protect ourselves from energy vampires. We can not afford to let others bring us down; we are good enough at doing that ourselves.

On the flip side, surround yourself with happy people. But not only happy people, but also people who seem to have no mood fluctuations at all, people who are so stable they almost bore you to tears. You very well might find one of these super stable friends right by your side to pull you out of your darkest moments. You might learn that they are not so boring after all, but really the best friend you've ever had.

Don't feel too guilty about deserting your cranky and negative friends. I've learned that this type of person enjoys feeling bad. It is a comfort level. Try as you might, you can not change these people. Although they will be there for you when you are depressed, it is not worth it because you will anger them when you are happy.

Not Every Day Will Be A Good Day

2009-09-10T01:28:00.000-07:00

In my quest for stability, I sometimes forget, that not every day will be a good day.
I didn't know that I had bipolar disorder until I was in my twenties. Years of emotional ups and downs have taught me to fear the downs.

The dilemma we face is control. We are as much terrified by happiness, as we are by sadness. But, we try much harder to stop the sadness. With bipolar, we can not predict how far our mood will fall off course, and that is a very, very frightening realization.

Those of us who are successful and bipolar, are only successful because we continue to play an active role in our treatment. Bipolar disorder never goes away. For the most part you can control it, but it is with you every second of every day.

I cope with my bipolar first with medications, next with understanding the disorder, then with self knowledge, and last with help from others - such as friends, family, and my therapist. Every successful bipolar has their own preferred method to control the madness.

My so-called normal friends yell, cry, lash out, and complain- all seemingly with no remorse. I,however, try ridiculously hard to smother any negative emotions- perhaps too hard.

I admit tonight I'm feeling blue, but tonight I need to let myself embrace the sadness.

Have A "NO" Day, Bipolar or Not

2009-01-28T01:43:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I sold my soul to the word "Yes". Perhaps it was low self esteem, or making up for my mental health shortcomings, but I always seemed to say "Ok".

And then one day, I decided to say "No", and to say it all day long. I told everyone I was having a "NO" Day. I pranced around as if in a comedy-like skit, and in the fashion of a 2 year old, smiled and said "No". Ah! what a wonderful day that was. So wonderful in fact, that "NO!" is now my favorite word.

Saying "No" feels so good that I don't even make up excuses anymore.
Saying "No" gives me the time and energy to do what I need to do, and what I want to do.

Since I learned the word no, most of those energy-sucking leaches who once claimed to be my friends have vanished. In their place is now a wonderful husband, a few good woman, family, and my cat.

"NO," I can't lend you twenty bucks. "No," I can't watch your kids. "No," I can't find out for you..." Sorry.

Stop feeling guilty about saying "No." When you stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off, trying to DO for everyone else, you will discover who really needs your help. And guess what, you will have the time and energy to do the things you need to do.

Bipolars Need Not Apply

2009-01-15T12:30:00.001-08:00

I recently found myself behind a man's desk, filling out employment papers that stumped me and angered me at the same time.

"Do You Have Any History of Mental Illness?", the application said.

I looked up from the application, and said, "I didn't think they could ask you this". He glanced at me, did a once over, and shrugged his shoulders. Apparently I didn't look like I was mentally ill, so he was not concerned.

I sat there a few seconds more just thinking, stumped- then I said, "I do have a history of mental illness. What should I write?".

He looked shocked. How could this intelligent, well groomed, young woman be mental, he must have been thinking. "Well, you are not schizophrenic or bipolar are you?" he asked. I lied, and said that it was "only" major depression that I "once" suffered from. He let out a sigh of relief and advised me to lie on the papers.

I put the papers in my bag, and told him I'd get them back to him in the morning. I brought those papers home and pondered that question half the night.

The bottom line is that I AM bipolar in every sense of it's definition. And, no, I am not "mildly bipolar" or "cured", etc. etc. Right now I am doing pretty well, but life with bipolar is not always as you hope.

I never did finish that application, I decided to hold onto the safe job I have, at least for now.

Bipolar, Controling Anger

2009-01-15T12:01:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I decided that I would never "Lose It" again.
I would never get angry, "go off", or say things I didn't mean.
I was experienced enough with my attempts at this to know that drugs, alcohol, pills, etc were not the answer. I decided that the answer to all of life's problems was a nap.

At that time, I was dating a man who had this very special way of making me angry. The anger he invoked in me I simply transformed into long naps. I couldn't have learned this "skill" without him. Napping for me was the perfect solution to all life's problems, I love to sleep.

Several dozen arguments (and naps) later, I found something strange begin to happen to me. The brain is curious thing. When I got upset and my heart began to pound, I would all of a sudden get this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. It was no longer a choice, when I was mad, I HAD to nap. I had somehow conditioned myself, similar to what Pavlov did to his dogs.

Remember Pavlov?
Bell Rings as Dog Sees Food = Dog Drools.
and soon, just ring the bell and dog drools.

Then there was me
Boyfriend yells as I envision bed = I'm tired.
Soon boyfriend yells and I'm tired.
and even stranger, any trigger that makes me angry, and I'm tired.

Moral of the story, this it is not a good idea to nap every time you get angry. It took many years to break myself of this conditioning. I had to learn to accept that anger is an OK emotion, and find proper ways to display it.

Where is that Bipolar Chick?

2009-01-08T23:38:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth. Those darn fluctuations of energy hit me again. Sleeping 10-12 hours a day, doesn't leave time for much. I've been focusing on the essentials in life- work, bathing, eating, and sleep.

I really had intended to blog every day, but the bipolar zapped my energy levels again.
The beauty of Bipolar is that What Goes Down, Eventually Flies Back Up!

But, my blogger friends, I will be back. Soon the creative juices will flow again. More Bipolar adventures soon to come. Stay tuned.

What IS Bipolar Success?

2008-10-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

The definition of success varies from person to person. Too many people think success is just about making money. My definition of success is "Be all you WANT to be" and to "Keep going, despite every obstacle".

I consider myself to be successful despite my bipolar. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. I do not have a sizable bank account. But, I am happy and I get by. In fact, I get by quite well.

My cousin is a lawyer, and he considers himself to be a failure. He doesn't earn "enough" money he tells me. He thinks I'm silly when I tell him to count his blessings. My cousin does not suffer from any mental illness, he is just a little greedy. He is chasing the dollar, what a waste. I consider myself to be more successful than he.

Bipolar has taught me to count my blessings. Every moment matters. Bipolar has taught me compassion, patience, and hope. Bipolar has made me a better person.

I'm JUST Bipolar

2008-10-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

I have been seeing the same Psy Doc for almost ten years now. It's comical to me to see that she still doesn't get me. I drive her nuts.

Over the years, she has tried so hard to fix me. She first diagnosed me with depression. She gave me some Celexa, and WoW did that stuff make me fly. If she was worth her salt, she would have known from week 1 that I was "Just Bipolar". After just the first dose of Celexa I called her the next day in a panic, "Help! My heart is racing, my pupils are dilated, and I can't stop pacing. I think I am going to jump out of my skin!" I told her. She calmly told me to "just take a half a pill tomorrow". And that was that.

I took that Celexa for a year or two, and it was a very happy year. Looking back, it was a year of hypomania/mania. Of course the inevitable happened, I crashed and went into a major depression.

Even after that little "oops" on her part, she still didn't get it. Over the years, she has diagnosed me OCD, ADD, ADHD, and a few other things, and given me the drugs to treat them. Du, Doc- I am JUST Bipolar.

Lucky for me, I am smart. I do a lot of my own research, and I just won't take a drug combination that turns me into a zombie.

Bipolars Get Great Jobs

2008-10-08T04:53:00.001-07:00

Bipolars are often able to land some excellent jobs. If you work for an average size company, chances are you work with at least one bipolar. He or she is probably that super creative person who just won't stay put in their cubical (and sometimes hides in it).

The problem with us bipolars, is that some of us are as good at losing jobs as we are at landing them. And yes, although I am successful, I have burned a few bridges in the ole' career journey. The older I get, the longer I am able to keep my jobs. I usually put myself on a two-year contract.

I have NEVER been fired (yet!!). But, I have been "Almost Fired". The trick for me is knowing when to let go. Personal Relationships are most often the reason for my job-hopping. But, The worst boss I ever had was myself (I was self- employed).

However, I do not despair. I am smart, and there is always another job just around the corner. I land wonderful jobs, and make wonderful contributions. I always leave a company knowing that I have done some very wonderful things, and that I gave my heart and sole.

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Making Bipolar Work For You

2008-10-08T04:27:00.001-07:00

Come on people! Bipolar isn't a death sentence. You can make it work for you. Many Famous People have/had bipolar disorder. Some of my personal favorites on this list are Kay Redfield Jamison, Lord Byron, Carrie Fisher, Ernest Hemingway, Edger Allan Poe, and Axl Rose. (And we all still wonder about Britney Spears)
But hey, these are my favorites- the list is long- read it. The List is from Wikipedia, so if you know of more, you can edit it for us all to read. History is just loaded with creative bipolars.

Use your bipolar talents for good, and not evil. Embrace modern science, and continue to search for your own best treatment.
Don't be discouraged by statistics and sad stories. There are many closet-bipolars out there living successful lives, it is STIGMA that keeps them quiet.

Lead Me NOT Into Bipolar Temptation

2008-10-07T05:15:00.000-07:00

Lets see, how do the "Experts" like to describe us "Bipolars"?
The "Experts" often speak of what us "Bipolars" do when manic. Today I want to touch on several of those Bipolar Traits that I have learned to curb. I have done this by taking every step possible to avoid temptation. Because even though I take my meds, I still get those bipolor urges.

-Spending sprees
-Abuse of drugs
-Promiscuity

Bipolar Spending Sprees- When I'm feeling good, I just love to spend money. I'm happy and I feel like I deserve it. I've got plastic, now lets go shopping! Or Not. I've learned to curb the spending in two ways. I try to stay out of stores. And, when I must go into a store, I bring cash. Plastic is locked away. One time I went as far to take my credit card, wrap it in some freezer wrap, and to freeze it into a big chunk of ice. Sometimes I looked at that big old ice cube, and though about how I could get to the credit card, but it was pretty well safe there. When I feel that I absolutely MUST go on a spending spree, I take 20 dollars, and run over to the dollar store. Somehow that can be just as satisfying as spending thousands.

Abuse of Drugs- My number one piece of advice on this is, chose your friends wisely. "Friends" often become the supplier. But if you get caught in this (as I did), I highly recommend a 12 step program such as AA. Trade one addiction for another, and one group of "friends" for another.

Promiscuity- Promiscuity can be the most difficult of all to control. Set boundaries for yourself, and stick to them. Heck, I've gone as far as writing a list of rules for myself and pasting it on the bathroom mirror. Extreme self discipline is required here. And, lead yourself NOT into temptation. Just as I don't go into certain stores because I might spend too much money, I also stay clear of certain men so I don't cross any taboo lines.

I Can't Get Health Insurance Because I am Bipolar!

2008-10-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

Because I am bipolar, I can't get private health insurance. How wrong is that? Now my friend, who smokes 2 packs of ciggys a day can get private health insurance, but I can't. I, like many other Americans, would like to have health insurance to protect me in case I ever get really sick.
I have spoken with many insurance agents, and the answer is the same- I will get denied due to my bipolar.

One insurance agent I consulted with was very persistent in his attempt to get me insurance. He tried every trick-of-the-trade known in the health insurance kingdom. Thinking outloud, he said to me, "Maybe we can just not say you are bipolar". But upon his further research, he learned that my medication history gives me away. I could not lie, even if I wanted to. I learned from him that Health insurance companies can actually get information about every med you have even been prescribed! I have taken a lot of meds for bipolar- but the LITHIUM I took many years ago was the true red flag. Other bipolar meds can also be used for things such as headaches, seizures, etc.

I suggested that MAYBE I could still get insurance, and just exclude my bipolar illness as a preexisting illness. No Cigar. I said to the insurance guru, "just exclude the cost of meds, and psy visits". What a great idea he thought, but he learned that wasn't the possible either.

Although no insurance agent would tell me the reason they will not cover bipolar, I believe it is due to the high risk of suicide in bipolars. Many studies indicate a 15% rate of suicide amongst individuals with bipolar disorder. This rate is about 30 times higher than than that of the general population.

The most ironic thing is that I qualify for Life Insurance! Image that.

Has anyone figured out how to get private health insurance when you are bipolar? I live in Florida.

The "Bipolar Meltdown", Yes, I Still Have Them

2008-10-07T03:43:00.000-07:00

About 5 or 6 times a year, I have what I now refer to as a "Bipolar Meltdown". I basically act like an out of control 2 year old and go on a rant. I've learned to accept this as part of who I am. I also teach loved ones and family members to identify this behavior, and help them learn how to deal with it.

My husband is the target of these "Bipolar Meltdowns". Not because I hate him, but because I love him and trust him. He is safe. My husband is as stable as a man can be, and I am blessed to have him. I have taught him to learn when it is me talking and when it's the bipolar talking.

Here is a short narrative of how one of these "Bipolar Meltdowns" sound. "I hate you! I hate everything. My life sucks. I hate my job! I just can't do it anymore! Leave me alone. It's all your fault! I have no friends. Nobody loves me. I give up!" I cry, I yell, I make threats. It's absolutely horrid. But, when it is over, I feel better, and I am "human" again.

I have learned (by trial and error) that it is very, very important NOT to have these meltdowns at work.

I know it isn't fair to put anyone through this. But, it is a choice that those that have come to love me have to make. 99 percent of the time I am a rational, intelligent, sweet, compassionate, hard-working, loving woman.

Look, I know "Normal" women who act like this 5 days per month- they call it PMS, and it is acceptable in this society. I also know "Normal" people who have crap personalities. They are just no fun to be around, hateful, and miserable people. They are crappy all the time. So, I have learned to forgive myself, and accept my shortcomings.

My Psy doctor (I can only afford a nurse practitioner) has long since tried to fix me. She thinks we can keep tweaking my meds until I am all better. Wake up doc! This is as good as it gets. That is, until medical science can find better treatment.

My doc could probably give me the meds to prevent these "Bipolar Meltodowns" and believe me she has tried. I am the ultimate guini pig to her. However, ten years into this I refuse to take medications that make me feel flat-line, or that make me drool, that make me gain 40 lbs, or that make me sleep 15 hours per day.

Although I am not perfect, I still consider myself successful. I have a job that pays all my bills, friends and family who love me, and for the most part I am happy.

If you know someone who is Bipolar, please forgive them when they have a meltdown. They really don't mean what they say.

Bipolar Personality

2008-10-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

Do bipolars share a common personality?

I took the Myers-Briggs Typology (Personality) Test nearly 20 years ago in a Psychology class. I learned I was an ENFJ, and was given a print out - personality profile. Not only was it Erie then to read a very accurate profile of myself, a profile more accurate than I could write myself, but it was even more Erie to learn that the test's predictions of what I would be like in Mid Life were true.

The personality test predicted that I would develop a passion for art, cooking, and nature. Twenty years ago, this prediction was laughable. I was the young, wild, party-girl. However, I am now finding a passion for these things.

I found the printout of the personality quiz that I had taken 20 years ago. I really wasn't sure what the quiz was called , or if it was something still used. I googled ENFJ which was printed on top of the quiz, and found loads of information about this personality profile. I am almost certain that it was the Myers-Briggs.

You can take the Myers- Briggs quiz- Free and no sign up- at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
It is 72 multiple choice questions.

I took the Myers- Briggs quiz again today and learned that I am no longer an ENFJ but now I am an INFJ. In other words, my personality is very similar to what it was 20 years ago. However, I is for Introvert and E is for Extrovert. Twenty years has turned me and Extrovert to an Introvert. (Oh, and I also had a good friend take the test, and she is also an INFJ. What are the odds? According to the information, 1 percent that I could be an INFJ.. So what are the odds that my good friend would also be?)

I am not sure if a study has every been done on personality and mental illness. It would be interesting to know if bipolars share a certain personality profile. Perhaps a way to predict mental illness?

I think computers have the potential to solve many mysteries of the human mind. Ah, if Jung only had the use of the computer. What we might just know now.

Using The Internet For Bipolar Research

2008-09-28T23:03:00.000-07:00

I spend obscene amounts of time on the Internet researching bipolar. I am always trying to find ways to conquer the disease completely. Bipolar can be treated but it can't be cured, at least that is what the experts are telling us.

I am thirsty for information about bipolar disorder. Knowledge is power. It didn't take long before I reached the end of the bipolar Internet. I rarely find new information about bipolar. Stale Mate. There is no place to go.

This blog is just the beginning of something bigger and better. I plan to build a website about bipolar success. I need to do this for myself, to keep track of the best bipolar research, so I can refer back to it when needed. Maybe it will help some other people as well, but it's really about me and my bipolar.

I find two kinds of bipolar blogs. One is the "everything and anything" blog. This blog is more or less rambling thoughts of the bipolar. The other type are the medical blogs, which usually are not written by bipolars- but instead by doctors. Information is cut and dry- bipolar 101 if you may. I don't find either type to be helpful anymore. I am ten years into this. It was ten years ago that I learned there was a name for my illness and it was called bipolar. I am beyond bipolar 101, and thirsty for more information.

Best bipolar medicines for mania, depression, and mixed

2008-09-18T03:33:00.002-07:00

I thought they just picked my meds from a hat. The truth revealed! Thank You Dr. Darvin Hege!
All Joking aside, I honestly believe he could successfully treat bipolar. I was disappointed to learn that he works out of Georgia. I found this video very interesting, and truly wish more psy doctors would be honest about their method of treatment.
My own doctor will not reveal (to me) the method to her madness, I suspect this is because she doesn't' have one. Fifteen medications later, I am now on Lamictal. According to Dr. Darvin Hege, Mirapex should be next.

"Dr. Darvin Hege, Atlanta, Georgia, bipolar specialist and psychiatrist, describes medicine selection for the different phases of bipolar disorder. The algorithm for selecting the most effective medicines with the least side effects is described. "

Turning Point

2008-09-18T03:33:00.001-07:00

For many years, I blamed others for my moods. I was not aware that I had bipolar disorder. If I was depressed, it was because of a recent breakup or problems with a job. If I was happy, it was because life was being good to me.

Then came the turning point, the moment that I finally understood that something inside me was controlling my moods.

I woke up one morning in a horrible depression. To my dismay, I had nobody to blame. I had loving relationships, a good job, bills all paid, a clean house, was even looking gorgeous and in shape- so why the heck was I feeling so blue?

My former theory that I had seasonal depressive disorder was also out the window. It was July, sunny, and 90 degrees.

I would like to tell you that I went to a Psychiatrist the next day and "SNAP" I was cured, but it did not happen that way. Instead I waited two long weeks to even get an appointment. Was then misdiagnosed with depression. Was given antidepressants which threw me into an upward swing. (only 3 years later, and 15 med combinations further did we get the bipolar diagnosis). None the less, it was a turning point.

My Promise

2008-09-15T12:18:00.001-07:00

I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.
I will not blog when I'm moody.

Be back again to blog soon!

Charting Bipolar

2008-09-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

I recently read something by Kay Jamison, a famous expert on bipolar disorder. She suggested charting mood.

What a great idea I though. Her argument really was rather compelling. By doing so I would be able to see trends in my moods, predict my next cycle, and so on.

But quickly reality set in. I can not do this, at least not by myself. And when I am finally stable enough to remember to do such a thing every day (not to mention at the same time each day), then I suppose I will no longer need to chart anyway.

Part of success with bipolar (at least for me) is knowing yourself. This attempt to chart mood, would most likely just add to life's daily frustrations. Not to mention, creating the chart, would be a whole other issue.

I think I would like to someday chart my mood, but not today.

Has anyone been successful with mood charting? What did you learn about your bipolar?

To tell or not to tell, that is the question.

2008-09-09T02:07:00.000-07:00

I just read an interesting post- To Tell or Not To Tell
I Am Bipolar writes, "Like anything that is considered taboo, bipolar disorder holds a perception within its name that when released on the average ear it is feared, misunderstood and bent completely out of context. "
Read move of the Pro's and Con's. Very well written. To Tell Or Not To Tell

Dr. Pat Deegan Shares Her Success Story and The Coping Skills She Uses. She has a PHD, and Schizophrenia

2008-09-09T01:46:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this video of Dr. Pat Deegan, it is a rare find. She has a PHD, and schizophrenia- proving that mental illness does not have to be a death sentence.

In this video, she talks a lot about how she made herself successful and the coping skills she used. She took one class at a time. She tape recorded her classes. These are adaptations that she figured out herself.

Although she is a highly intelligent and successful person, she is not entirely recovered. But, she quickly points out that everybody struggles and life is hard!

I think that key to her success is self acceptance. She does the best she can, with what she has. She even goes as far as to say that her trauma history has helped to give her compassion for the world. In other words, it has in some ways helped her to become the person she is now.

Pat also talks about stigma. In school, she was afraid to tell anyone about her mental illness. You might notice that at this time, my blog profile shows that I am just Amy. Fear of stigma prevents me from telling you any more.

Pat's mental illness was and still is real. She admits to having 9 hospitalizations, although her last one was 12 years ago. She says, "I still hear voices".

When did the bipolar start?

2008-09-09T01:09:00.000-07:00

I have tried to go back in time, and figure out when my roller coast brain ride began.

I believe my first signs of mild depression were as early as second grade. Before that, I think I was a pretty normal child. Looking back, there were several bouts of mild depression in my grade school years. Some summers, I spent a lot of time hiding in my room and reading. Other summers, I would spend every day playing at the park.

My teenage years were very rocky. My parents assumed I was just a brat. I was up and down and all over the place. I was constantly changing friends and boyfriends. Some semesters I would get strait A's and others I would get D's and F's.

I was first diagnosed (incorrectly) with depression at the age of 25, and then finally (correctly) with bipolar at the age of 28. In my early 2o's, I tried to self diagnose, and mistakenly decided I was suffering from seasonal affective disorder. I was close, but no cigar.

Had I been diagnosed and treated earlier, I would have avoided a lot of suffering, not to mention, I would have caused less stress and suffering on my loved ones. It is not easy to love someone who has bipolar.

No Two Bipolars Are Built The Same

2008-09-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

I write my blog from the perspective of me, and how bipolar affects me. Your friend Joe might not have the same symptoms as I do.
In fact, since this is a blog about bipolar success, you won't read much about my symptoms, I am usually able to keep the most severe symptoms in check.

No two bipolars are the same. Some suffer more with depression, other with the mania. There are rapid cyclers and slow cyclers.

Also remember that there is a personality under the bipolar. I would like to think that under the bipolar, I have a wonderful personality. There are some bipolars that I know who have horrible personalities under/or with their bipolar.

Some bipolars suffer from other things as well- addictions, poverty, OCD, and so on.

A bipolar friend of mine was on an upward swing for over two years. He was able to build up his business and make nearly 200,000 per year. Now that is success! But life finally sent him a new card, and he crashed. He lost everything. He is now in and out of psy hospitals. I have never been quite as high as him, nor quite as low. But, we suffer from the same illness, and illness where you can never trust your own mind.

With bipolar, mind over matter does not always work. At times I feel my mind is broken. We all handle that in different ways.

Bipolar- Triggers

2008-09-09T00:33:00.000-07:00

You can't control everything, but it's good to have some self awareness and know what your real triggers are.

In layman's terms, triggers are those things that cause enough stress to make you unbalanced or make you start back towards a path you do not want to be on. For a x-smoker- lighting up one smoke can be a trigger- a trigger back towards the path of being a chain smoker.

Sometimes I say "yes" and agree to do things that are not good for me. As I have learned about controlling my bipolar, I have also learned to say no.

Some of my triggers include: unplanned travel, associating with people who have Type A personalities, and trying to do too much.

What are your bipolar triggers?

BIPOLAR SPEAKS: Limitations

2008-09-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

BIPOLAR SPEAKS: Limitations

Bipolar- Pace Yourself

2008-09-07T22:53:00.000-07:00

I always must remind myself to slow down and pace myself. With bipolar, what goes up- must come down.

A large part of bipolar is extremes in mood and energy. Got to love hypomania. Feels like you can conquer the world. I am smart enough to convince people that I am superwoman. I am! At least I am for a while. My upward swings have been known to last days, weeks, and sometimes even months. New relationships are magical and can bring me to cloud nine.

The truth is, I can only be superwoman for so long. For employers and boyfriends, the crash is a letdown. They simply can not understand why this woman who was so wonderful is now basically unproductive.

The secret to my bipolar success- pace yourself. Life is not a race. If become hypomanic and produce a lot of work- turn in a little at a time. This will give you the time to rest on your downward swings, and you will still have work to turn in.

Think of it like this. A runner can sprint very fast. However, when going cross country, must pace himself. At times the bipolar mind wants to sprint. When this happens, it's only fair to let your mind rest.

Sleep and Bipolar

2008-09-07T03:05:00.000-07:00

Sleep and bipolar- it's a curious thing.

It is nearly impossible to wake me up. I can easily sleep through two alarm clocks. But, as the day progresses, I become more and more awake and productive. Falling asleep takes hours.

I often wonder if I could be more successful if sleep were not an issue. What would happen to me if there were no clocks- if the world followed my schedule?

Doctors recommend good sleep hygiene. Easier said than done. Just not working for me. I have my own bipolar clock. In a perfect world, that would not be held against me.

I am able to stay successful because I have some flexibility in my job schedule. My husband wakes me up, and does so kindly. I take naps and sleep in on the weekends. So much for good sleep hygiene

Pieces of Me

2008-09-04T01:37:00.000-07:00

What is me, and what is "The Bipolar"?

Only my closest and dearest friends even know I am bipolar. I am darn good at pretending to be "normal". Years and years of practice! (I know when to hide)

Even I don't know who I am or what I am doing half the time. Most people just think I am a little bit quirky.

My husband is as solid and as stable as a rock. It is often by the look on his face that I am able to gage my current level of stability.

I try to define myself by the constants in my life. Although sometimes I think I can fly, I am not a bird. Although sometimes I want to hide my head in the sand, I am not an ostrich. I am a writer, a web designer, a researcher, a teacher, a wife, and a dreamer.

Who are you?

My Promise

2008-09-04T01:17:00.000-07:00

This is not another depressing website about being Bipolar. My promise to you is that I will focus on the positives of being bipolar.

This blog is about hope. Hope for me, and hope for everyone else who is bipolar. Tricks of the trade, if you may.

I am Bipolar and Successful! I have a job, a car, a husband, and a house. I take care of myself, do the best I can- and that is my definition of success.

Sometimes I throw myself a pity party. These pity parties sometimes last for a day, sometimes a month. But, when I am finally able to break out of my funk- I keep on swimming. I make amends, move on, and forgive myself.